Richard Hell and Susan Sontag, 1978
Diary entry #36 - 02.04.2025
few things are more anxiety inducing to me than skincare and everything related to it i honestly don't understand how i still have "progressive" people on my feeds constantly talking about it and breaking down their skincare routine and talking about the latest skincare products and retinol and face tape and sunscreen and botox and foundation and concealer and whatever other kind of anti-aging, skin-texture-hiding, imperfection-erasing bullshit. this is all exhausting and it makes me want to explode and project my blood and organs all over them. perfection is dehumanizing and it is a prison that i am constantly being locked in against my will. i refuse to take part in such a nightmarish conspiracy and i won't live this travesty of a life. i want to be happy and free, actually
Diary entry #35 - 31.03.2025
i've isolated myself so much & i don't even know how to meet people. to be clear, i never really knew but i had met a few people by chance, who then introduced me to a few people and all i had to do was keep the ball rolling. and now i stopped the ball so i have to start all over again and i genuinely don't know how to. i also think the normal ways to meet people are fucking stupid because they are obsessed with the way you say things and present yourself instead of what it is you actually say and do
Diary entry #35 - 30.03.2025
i noticed that i consistently look at the world around me the same way i think about the past. like i look at how people dress now and i feel the need to categorize it and talk about it like "ah yes this is the fashion of the 2020s", the same way i would look at 70s street photography or something. it's like i'm incapable of living in the present moment and let things exist, i always have this crippling need to academicize everything that's happening constantly and look at everything through a historical / sociological / anthropological / whatever lens. like i cannot not overanalyze things. i don't know why. i should explore that. probably has to do with my anxiety though
Reblogged
Does the word realism have any meaning to you as an actor? No. When you say realism, I think of naturalism, and I think about natural acting. And when I think about natural acting, I think about natural behavior. And I think sometimes that destroys movies, you know? Because we don’t just want to see imitations of life. We want to see something that is beyond that. Cinema is not just about telling stories. Everybody clings to this. Telling stories, telling stories, telling stories! It’s about light. It’s about space. It’s about tone. It’s about color. It’s about people having experiences in front of you, where, if it’s transparent enough, they can experience it with you. You become them. They become you. That’s the communion. That’s the experience.
--Willem Dafoe summing up my feelings about the obsession with realism and an impoverished notion of "storytelling" in film in an interview with Matt Zoller Seitz
what a mistake it is to think that cinema or art can be about anything in particular (storytelling), or about a collection of things (light, space, tone, whatever else). art is about everything it can possibly be about at once, so there cannot realistically be one correct or better or more interesting way to approach it. there is as much value in realism as there is in fantasy. a true and deep understanding of human behavior represented by its surgically precise imitation can be just as relevant as one represented by spiritually complex metaphors and exaggerated emotions
Diary entry #32 - 21.03.2025
gutted every time i leave my place to go outside because everyone in my city is so beautiful like they're all so pretty and well dressed it's disarming. it almost makes public transport bearable. and every time i leave this city for more than 24h and i come back i'm shocked at how hot everyone is here. obsessed with pretty people who wear pretty clothes
Diary entry #31 - 20.03.2025
i feel like all the years i've lived since i was like 11 have been stolen from me. i've been on auto pilot because i had no choice and every time i tried to do something different i was caught up by reality reminding me that i was stuck this way forever, and that all attempt otherwise was hopeless. so now i have to watch from the sidelines while i remain incapable of doing anything. like anything at all because it's all exhausting and incredibly violent
Diary entry #30 - 18.03.2025
i have to find a way to be satisfied with my life. i have to cut the weed for a while. i have to find a way to overcome my limitations. i have to get over the fact that nothing is ever going to be simple. i have to stop feeling so much dread when thinking about the rest of my life. i just have to have something. anything