Kallista actually trying to do murder

[guy with the Cant Focus Disorder] why the fuck can't I focus

i just need to focus

watching tubbo list 100 women is so funny

this is so incredible

im going to have a stroke

Instead try… Person A: You know… the thing Person B: The “thing”? Person A: Yeah, the thing with the little-! *mutters under their breath* Como es que se llama esa mierda… THE FISHING ROD

As someone with multiple bilingual friends where English is not the first language, may I present to you a list of actual incidents I have witnessed:

Bilingual characters are great but if you’re going to use a linguistic blunder, you have to really understand what they actually blunder over. And it’s usually 10x funnier than “Ooops it’s hard to switch back.”

Who the fuck is that thing tolling for

[trying to insult a person's dog-like devotion to someone but not wanting to make them sound too cool about it] keep your fucking dog in a purse

real shame people don't take advantage of polyamory more for shipping. everyone deserves to have 20 wives personally speaking

seeing someone use she/her on canon male character is like seeing the sun shine thru the clouds btw

my pronouns are they/he/it/the/fucking/pentagon

Part 4

yeah, i um.... forgot I was collecting these for a while.

This is just very funny to me.

Not even his robot child likes him

lot of people are going to be sent careening three posts down their dash and crashing into a brick wall because of this post

i do sort of wish plurality was even a fraction as understood irl as it is online, even just as an explanation for things. like, i really wish it was acceptable to say oh, i forgot that because you didnt actually tell me, you told <person who was fronting at the time> and they didnt pass it on. or oh, we slept upstairs because <headmate> is scared of our room and the trauma they remember. or, we're interested in "childish" things even though we're an adult because we have alot of syskids. its just frustrating to have to come up with random lies and excuses when theres a far simplier, and in my opinion more reasonable, answer, just because that answer happens to be plurality.

Certain words can change your brain forever and ever so you do have to be very careful about it.

No I’m not attracted to you. Quit your evil putting your finger under my chin to make me look up at you. I know I’m your nemesis and all but we really need to set some boundaries when you’ve got me tied up like this.

No look I get it. You’ve got your evil plan, you’ve gotta get me out of the way but you also want to see me suffer as I watch the world burn, I know. But like, I’m not into this. Sexually or otherwise. Wait, you thought I was doing this because I liked you? I’m trying to stop you from using a death laser. No I don’t think death lasers are sexy what on earth are you talking about

Wait. That’s why you dress like that? I thought that armor was impractical. No I don’t find our relationship to be homoerotic I find it to be tedious. Look, man. We all keep trying to get you into therapy. No I’m not kink shaming you I’m saying you’ve completely misinterpreted this relationship. I actually do think you should answer for your war crimes. Yes, really. No you’re the one not listening to me in this situation. Yes that is the alarm the others will have cut all your wires and called in the fbi by now.

What do you mean you thought we had something special? I have other enemies. You’re not the only one. No I’m not doing kinky things with them either I blow up their nefarious devices. Speaking of which, you might want to move like… ten feet to your right.

No, enemies to enemies. And then still enemies.

Cannot stress enough how lovers will never be part of this equation even a little bit

The henchmen in the tags who have been assuring the villain since the beginning that “of course he likes you back, why else would he keep coming to destroy your death lasers”

The henchmen have been reading too many romance novels.

Awfully defensive are we? I think the henchmen are onto something.

You know I didn’t intend for this character I made up to be aromantic but this whole post has turned into being arospec at a family reunion simulator

Enemies to Queerplatonic

No.

People out here throwing "queerplatonic" at aros like people who substitute AFAB/AMAB for woman/man and think the new language means they're magically not being transphobic

You can't just throw a new word into an old idea and pretend you've changed your mindset

Enemies to No Contact Restraining Order