the disease vector has brought us a slash epidemic

road triiip

i’m sorry WHY has no one here ever mentioned the house md super bowl commercial from 2011????? this is genuinely insane

in another universe, cuddy and wilson married each other, fell out of love in a few years, but stayed married for their daughter(rachel)'s sake.

one day when house comes over to their place for the first time to formally meet rachel, she starts calling him dada. everyone's confused because wilson is "papa" so she's not confusing house for her dad.

after series of events its revealed that all this time, cuddy and wilson, both have been cheating on each other....with house. and since he would come over while the other partner wasn't at home, rachel just assumed house was just this extra parent she had.

so for her, her family was mommy, papa, dada and she herself (as per the picture she drew in her art class and later proudly hung it up on the fridge).

all of them are just baffled at this point.

House would treat two gay patients like shit and get sued for being homophobic and cuddy would go "he's not homophobic, he treats everyone like that!" which does not hold up in court so instead he's like how can I be homophobic when I have a boyfriend? Wilson stand up. Everyone would turn to Wilson (who had ZERO warning about this) and he'd stutter before glaring at House and stand "yes, House is unfortunately my boyfriend"

Then they'd walk out of the courtroom and Wilson would chew him out which House ignores. Cue 3 days layer when Wilson says House needs to clear up they lied about being gay to get him off (ha) and they're not actually dating because he is NOT getting any dates like this. House would walk into the hospital cafeteria and yell "ATTENTION EVERYONE. Doctor Wilson is not my boyfriend." Wilson would nod for 2 seconds before House follows up with "because we're engaged!" and Wilson can't even be mad because why did he think for 2 seconds that House would make it easy for him

House would try to use this as an opportunity to demand less clinic hours (think of it as a wedding gift) which he does not get because Cuddy knows exactly what's going on and she thinks it's hilarious but she needs his ass working

Cuddy: yeah? You two are a thing? How big is he?

House: 5.3 inches

Wilson: how the FUCK do you know that

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY <33333

valentine’s day fic where house and wilson kill each other with increasingly distasteful gifts. house makes an honest attempt at snorting crushed up candy hearts and taking vicodin simultaneously. they wind up watching hilariously bad romcoms and consuming copious amounts of chocolate and having terrible, life-changing sex.

“Being in darkness and confusion is interesting to me. But behind it you can rise out of that and see things the way the really are. That there is some sort of truth to the whole thing, if you could just get to that point where you could see it, and live it, and feel it … I think it is a long, long, way off. In the meantime there’s suffering and darkness and confusion and absurdities, and it’s people kind of going in circles. It’s fantastic. It’s like a strange carnival: it’s a lot of fun, but it’s a lot of pain.”

— David Lynch

when all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail. when all you have is a paintbrush, everything looks like a canvas. when all you have is a cock, everything looks like the exhaust pipe of a 2014 honda civic. so yes, to answer your question, i am stuck. please call the emergency services

not sure if anyone is interested in this but here is a list of the most joyfully vital poems I know :)

If yes, tell me what it is in the tags!

YouTube trying to make me become racist while I listen to 1970s J-funk for 3 hours

The best thing I did for my youtube viewing experience was download an extension that allows me to block entire channels. Now when I don't like a thumbnail? Blam, obliterate it, never see it again - and youtube is none the wiser. Youtube has no choice but to bring me weird music videos and retro game reviews.

You know, needing to add basic functionality to a platform yourself to fight back against the forces of enshittification is something tumblr trained me well for. You need like 5 third party extensions to make this site remotely usable.

Block Youtube Shorts

Block whole channels

Youtube Dislike

Highly recommend the shorts blocker as well- this one will play them as if they are a normal video which also speeds up the site a fair bit. Shorts are where a lot of the recommendations for sketchier content have been coming from in my feed from what I've noticed; I don't get them from longform videos anywhere near as much.

With how often AI content mills are popping up on youtube, it's a good idea to have the dislike button too.

NY Times is run by sadistic clowns 🤡

the well-meaning bullets i have fired from my gun may be inflicting pain on the hostages im shooting them with

someone tell the ants that i’ve removed their delightful delicacy from the table and they can stop crawling in through the hole in the drywall. i appreciate the commitment to the bit but you’re making that arduous hike through the woodwork bootlessly. it’s a futile effort boyyyyyy consider stopping

mostly gone now only a few stragglers left