Frankie

We gotta stop aiming for unique and interesting baby names we gotta start naming every single infant straight-shot middle-of-the-road ass popular common unisex names like Alex and Sam. By the end of 2031 I wanna see 100% of kindergarten children named either Alex or Sam and you know what, let’s make ‘em all Smiths and Johnsons, too. In an age of digital tracking give your baby the gift of total functional anonymity within the panopticon

If Elon Musk owned Tumblr he would nuke your blog for this.

And I would die with honour at the hands of a fool

nothing funnier to me than when AI does math wrong. like I get why it happens, it's a language model that's treating the numbers you feed it as words rather than integers and then giving you an answer based on how those words typically appear in a block of text instead of actually performing a calculation. but the one thing computers are genuinely incredible at. you fucked up a perfectly good calculator is what you did, look at it it's got hallucinations

I had a dream that I went to heaven and heaven had its own heaven-exclusive tv shows that were written and produced there in heaven and they showed me the most popular show in heaven and it was this really beautiful drama and, at the end of the episode, the credits said “Created by Mike Ehrmantraut” and they were like “oh yeah. fictional characters who die in earth media go to real heaven” and I’m like “sure but mike did some pretty fucked up stuff, wouldn’t he go to hell?” and they’re like “no, all the fucked up things he did were fictional. people only get judged for the real things they do and the only thing mike really did was bring joy to millions of viewers” and i think that’s beautiful

my friend took in a stray and she’s the cutest kitty ever but he named her oil so whenever he sends a picture of her me and my other friends look like we’re roleplaying as the US military

in our defense this is oil

I think it was about a month into dating my betrothed that I first turned to them and said, “You smell hungry, want to get some lunch?”

“I what? I smell hungry?”

“Yeah, like, the empty smell. Aren’t you hungry?”

They were, but it was hard for them to accept smelling a state of being. After a few weeks of me pointing it out right before they realized it themself though they asked, “What does hunger smell like?”

“Bad.”

“That’s not helpful.”

“It’s like… an emptiness that goes past the mouth? Bad breath is more upfront but hunger is like you’re smelling stomach acid, it’s all the way from an empty belly.”

They started smelling my mouth in exaggerated silly fashion but eventually they did start to recognize it.

They’re now very smug when they get to use the skill back at me and inform me that I’m hungry.

What does that mean!!!

Sheets, I mean this in the NICEST way possible:

Your writing style perfectly encapsulates the Tumblr vernacular and style about just posting about a thing where context may or may not reveal itself as you read the post. Your posts do that, and then as you get about the halfway point, it turns ever so slightly left into the uncanny valley, so that by the end, the reader is simultaneously confident that they just read a piece of surrealist fiction, and yet intrigued by it.

I myself finished reading this, and was at the same time going ‘that’s not a thing’ and ‘I wonder if I get really close to my partner, if I could smell his hunger’. And then in classic tumblr fashion, I scroll back up to see OP, and once again, it’s @foldingfittedsheets.

There’s another tumblr user I follow who’s similar, but slightly different, called @seat-safety-switch . The surrealist vibe definitely makes you wonder if these posts crossed over from social media in another universe where things are juuust slightly to the left. In this case, a universe where hunger has a scent.

It’s real, I live your world, I walk under the same yellow sun and breathe the same air.

But also you should look at the notes to see what else people can smell because the list is like: ants, blood sugar, pregnancy, and getting sick. It makes me look like less of an odd little creature if you see other people do it too!

i can't be the only one who's just straight-up ... bored with women hating themselves. my mom keeps lamenting to me how upset she is about her gray hair. my friend stares at her laugh lines every day in agony. my sister loses sleep over the horrible unbearable thought of looking fat. and every time these women i love open up to me, i can't help but think ... then stop staring at yourself? stop drowning yourself, narcissus, and just fucking live your life instead of sitting in front of a mirror obeying cosmetic corporations' lies. just stop it. this is getting ridiculous. you're too smart to be falling for this bullshit. "oh no but these men who hate women told me that if i'm ugly i'm worthless!" girl if you actually believe that then good luck. but i am getting worse at being supportive of people whose nonsense worldviews keep them trapped in pain. stop looking at yourself start fucking living i am pleading you deserve to be happy and it is stupid that you disagree

Someone in the comments said "you really said just stop being insecure" and yes :) make an effort to stop spiralling about your looks, challenge insecure thoughts and stop doing things that lead to you feeling insecure.

I always come back to this: Do your insecurities match your morals?

Do you truly believe that having belly fat makes people disgusting? That the media should have final say on how you feel about yourself? If you don't believe it and there is a mismatch between your moral beliefs and your gut reaction to your appearance...

Then yeah. Stop being insecure. It's work but it's worth it.

Promoting @sarkywoman 's tags as that's a perfectly distilled mantra:

I am not the exception to my beliefs

it's crazy when gay men are misogynistic because at every high school debate there's a teenage girl fighting for gay rights like she's their personal lawyer

A decade ago this would have been a plot of an "all of the Avengers live in Stark Tower" au about Thor

Please keep giving him mildly dangerous objects he has never interfaced with before until he finally dies in a final destination level of comically implausible manner.

Just make him drive a cybertruck and wait

After years of seeing that king in situations in ads for that royal match game I was like fine let’s see if that game does in fact let you save an idiot king from drowning

And as I suspected, it doesn’t. It’s just a shape match game. You don’t even get to see royalty be in danger above a pit of lava.

So many mobile games that advertise themselves as one thing are just a standard shape match game. Like garden scapes? You don’t get to save a poor starving family from the ravages of an idiot disembodied hand choosing the wrong item to repair their dilapidated shack. It’s just a shape matching game.

Look I have a lot of issues with candy crush. They throw micro transactions in your face constantly. At the very least though they claim to be a shape matching game, are an actually good shape matching game, and make ads optional. I didn’t get to almost level 3000 of candy crush because they sold me false advertising. I stayed because they gave me what I came for. You do in fact crush those candies. It’s exactly what it says on the tin.

Honestly 99 times out of a hundred the most popular mobile games are not worth it. You’re better off looking for some indie project that charges money for their game.

I mean yeah. I also generally find it worth it to pay 3 bucks to remove ads if a game is good and works as advertised.

I don’t understand how these developers don’t face constant legal issues for false advertising. But also, why do they think this advertising works? If I download a game based on an ad and it doesn’t work as advertised, I’m deleting it immediately.

AND ANOTHER THING ACTUALLY why is skipping these fucking ads now an 18 step process where clicking anywhere but the world’s tiniest X will immediately send you to the App Store or the world’s jankiest website? And sometimes the Xs are fake?????? Mobile advertising regulations now please

Interesting enough video. TLDR is the fake ads are made to increase click-through rates and are (usually) a tiny minigame within the mobile game, thus it isn't, legally speaking, false advertising. But to make their money (psychological manipulation, ie slowing progress so you feel you have to spend money), they need a more complicated game than what ends up being the most successful doctored-up ad campaign. They'll test ads against each other, and the best one they retroactively implement into the game, tweaking both ad and game on the fly to accommodate as the market (the ad click-through rate) changes.

cell phone doesn't like water because it is a combination of the other three elements. it is a rock (earth) that we fill with lightning (fire) that can control radio waves (air). if it contained water too, it would be too perfect; it would be like a god. to prevent this, the universe kills the would be uniter-of-the-elements. it's basic science.

Hey op google what LCD stands for

i took an oath in third grade to never do drugs

There'll be a moment when you realise you're 27 when yesterday you were just 17; and you wouldn't be able to tell how a decade passed away and your life got divided into before and afters. The fury of youth will subdue and nothing will really change but everything will feel different when you look at old photographs and blurry videos taken on cheap mobile phones. Scents will remind you of childhood and certain friends you don't talk to anymore, hangouts will become reunions and mom's burnt pie will become the best food you ever had. And I know on some days you won't be able to show anything of those 10 years but I hope you remember to breathe, and let go of the knot in your chest. I hope you go out in the sun and live a little, because tomorrow is 37.

-Ritika Jyala, excerpt from The Flesh I Burned

The Olympics but high fashion by Wisdom Kaye

This is a tea checkpoint.

Is your tea getting cold?

Did you turn on your kettle and forget about it and now the water is cold again?

Is the tea bag still in?

Did you intend to start the tea making process and forget?

Congratulations! You remember now.

This is a tea checkpoint.

Is your tea getting cold?

Did you turn on your kettle and forget about it and now the water is cold again?

Is the tea bag still in?

Did you intend to start the tea making process and forget?

Congratulations! You remember now.

Hungry

She's just trying to pay her student loans

(Source)

wait THAT'S where it came from?

i fucks with you most ardently my liege