vent

i feel so worthless all the time

life feels so quiet and peaceful after relapsing

the urge to ruin myself beyond repair

what do i do when i run out of things to distract myself from this never ending sadness?

when it hurts so bad i start wishing for someone to beat me up so i wouldn’t have to feel any more emotional pain

i don’t want to take my clothes off to feel loved

there is something deeply wrong with me that no one will ever understand

when people keep pressuring me to open up but the idea of being vulnerable disturbs me in a way that no one can comprehend

when things are actually going good for once but then the lamp starts looking weird

there’s so many things i want to say to you but there’s a lump in my throat each time

i always wonder what kind of person i could’ve been if everything turned out different

my favorite conspiracy theory is that it’ll get better

when i was 13 on the bathroom floor cutting myself and now im an adult doing the same thing

i’m so insanely depressed i hate my life and i hate that it’s never getting better no matter what i hate myself so much i want to kill myself so badly no one understands how much i hate living i hate breathing

i don’t really know what i’m going to do with my life, i never planned on living this long

no matter how much help i get, i don’t think ill ever be okay again

i need to throw up when i acknowledge i’m forever stuck this way and there’s nothing i can do