A Piece of You
⇢synopsis: A month after moving out, Seokmin finds himself lost again and finds himself often longing for a presence he was unfamiliar with.
⇢pairings: reader x Lee Seokmin
⇢genre: angst, fluff
⇢wordcount: 1,675
⇢tw: idk >-<
Seokmin has been more frustrated lately and all of his friends have seemed to notice. He didn’t know what it was but something just felt off, there was this longing he felt that wouldn’t go away. Bits and pieces of his memories started to return but they were all like mismatched puzzle pieces. He had most of the pieces but he couldn’t mend them together, there was still pieces missing. He became less and less patient, a whole different person. He smiled less and was often quiet, sometimes he would just stare into space and try piecing his memories back together to no avail. Now, the male currently sat in his apartment staring at the picture of the smiling woman who used to be his lover. He wondered if she was doing well and if time was being kind to her. One last time, he told himself.
Seokmin called you on the phone and asked if he could meet with you at your home. You hesitated because you still haven’t healed from the pain of separating from your person, but you could never really say no to him. Eventually, you agreed.
Of course seeing him again made you nervous because you haven’t gotten over him yet. How could you? You spent 5 years with him and the thought of not being together never occurred in your mind. The past few weeks have been hard, you never lost hope that one day he would return to you, but day by day that hope lessened. Just when you think you’ve accepted that he would not come back, he called you. Hearing his voice made your heart ache. You couldn’t find the right words to say and you couldn’t decline his request. You just had to face him again and maybe it would be the last.
You sat in your living room, waiting for him to knock on the door. Maybe he changed his mind. You say to yourself and look at the furnished apartment that you refused to change. You still remember how Seokmin heavily contributed in designing the interior of your apartment. He chose the couch, the color of the cabinets, the type of wood the floors would be. He brought life and color to your once dull apartment but ever since he left, it was anything but that. You somehow knew how he felt when he stayed here after coming home from the hospital. You were constantly reminded of someone who was no longer present whereas he was constantly reminded of a life he didn’t remember. You walk over to your turntable and picked out a vinyl. You picked the vinyl that you last listened to with Seokmin; before the accident. You played the song, sat back down on the couch and stared at the door hoping to hear a knock or a doorbell. He’s not coming. As you get up and make your way to the bedroom, you heard a soft knock which was then followed by three louder knocks.
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought of Seokmin being behind that door. You slowly walk towards the door and place your hand on the door knob. Maybe I should just let him go. Maybe it was better if he lived a new life and forgot about you completely. You think to yourself and let go of the door knob.
“Y/n,” he says. “I know you’re in there. I saw your shadow from underneath the door.”
Hearing his voice in person made your stomach twist and turn. You don’t reply hoping he would just go back to his home. “Just let me in,” he pleads. His voice cracked and it sounded as if he was crying. “Please.”
You unlock the door and slowly open the door with your head down trying to avoid eye contact with him. He looks down at you and the feeling of anger and frustration was subsided. The memories were still blurred but as he stepped in your home; as he savored your presence, he felt at ease and the longing stopped. You still refused to look at him because it hurt to be in the same room yet feel so distant from him. It hurt not to embrace him or even touch him. You loved him so much, and you still do. All of this was too hard to bare. He stood in front of you, with you still refusing to talk or look at him. Because you knew that if you looked at him or spoke, you would break down again.
“Hi Y/n,” he whispered and hoped you would show your face to him. “Please look at me.” He paused and looked around the room to find where the familiar melodies came from. The melodies that made his head ache.
You shook your head and refused, keeping your eyes on his dark leather shoes. “My memories have been coming back, but it’s all blurred and I can’t piece them together. It’s like parts of a movie jumbled up and I can’t seem to figure out what the story is.” he explains in a sullen voice. “Everyday, I feel this emptiness inside of me. I keep longing for something, for someone. I don’t know. I’m not sure. But, I just want to keep coming back here. When I stepped inside, the uneasiness went away.” He reaches for your hand, his large hands cloaked yours. “I don’t remember living here. I don’t remember you. I don’t remember loving you. All I remember are pieces of you. I can only remember the way walking in this apartment makes me feel warm and calm.” He paused and took deep breaths as he began to cry.
“I don’t remember who I was before. I just know that when I came in here, when I saw you. I felt at home.”
You listen to him and silent tears began to fall as you stare at his large hands that enveloped yours. Hesitant, you look up and look into his brown eyes that you loved so deeply. By the way his eyes drooped and the circles beneath you could tell he was tired. His hair was shiny and parted in the middle with his forehead exposed. You could tell from the way his cheeks caved that he hadn’t been eating as much. You missed staring at him, you missed everything about him. You wanted to place your hand on his face, pull him closer and never let go.
“Seokmin.” It was the only thing you could say and the way you said his name, the way your lips moved, the way you said it with so much sincerity and fondness, it was one of the things that reminded him of how much he loved you. He let go of your hands and placed his on the temples of his head. He groaned in agony and fell to the couch. Like a swarm, all at once the bits and pieces of the puzzle came together. Memories of the car accident, of the dinner he ate before he left your apartment and memories of you.
Even the song that was currently playing was the song you two danced to before he left, he remembered.
“Seokmin,” you bent down to him and placed your hands over his. “are you okay?” you panicked and ran to the kitchen to grab some water as he sat himself up.
“Are those the glasses we bought last Christmas?” he asked as you approached. You froze, dumbfounded, your grip loosened causing you to drop the glass of water. How does he know that.
“Love!” he stood up looking at the water and broken shards of glass on the floor. “Be careful.”
The four lettered word escaped his mouth without effort, almost involuntarily. He too was taken aback by his actions, but he was also relieved. Relieved that he no longer had to wonder why he felt certain ways when being reminded of you because now everything made sense. The emptiness, the longing, it was all because of you.
“What?” you looked at him, puzzled. Why was he calling you that? Did he remember?
“I remember,” he cried and with tear stained cheeks, smiled at you. He showed his bright gummy smile that made you fall in love all over again.
You covered your mouth with your hand and cried. You wanted to pinch yourself and make sure that this was real and not another dream. He began walking towards you.
“I remember I chose this couch because I thought it was soft and the color was nice,” he got closer and your tears continued to fall. “I remember that you hated the color of the cabinets and you had me pick a color for you so we could paint over it. I remember that we’ve been together for 5 years and I proposed to you a year ago.” he paused and looked at the turn table. “And…I remember this was the song we danced to the night before the accident.”
In his brown shoes, he stepped over the glass and was now face to face with you, his face inching towards you. “I remember everything y/n” he placed his hands on your cheeks caressing your face with his thumbs. He then hugged you. “ and I’m so sorry for ever forgetting.”
You wrapped your arms around him and hugged him tighter. The way his gentle arms engulfed your body assured you that this was not a dream. In that moment his arms squeezed a fraction tighter and you breathed more slowly, your body melting into his. Feeling him this close, made you feel more awake, more alive than ever.
“I love you,” he whispered with his lips pressed on your forehead. He took your hands and, like before, swayed your bodies to the song that echoed throughout your apartment. Just like that, the love that once slipped through your fingers made its way back into your arms and you were certain that this time, this love would remain.
