im one of the angels assigned to guard god's throne and i keep shaving a piece of wood off one of the legs so it gets progressively thinner and weaker until one day it will snap like a matchstick and the big man will topple from his seat of power to grace the ground with his holy ass. of course he's omniscient so he already knows this and will have to banish me from heaven when it happens, but because of free will he has to give me the option to repent right until the very end. we both know i'm not going to do it but the rules that define our very being won't let us take any other course of action and besides he made me this way, so really the joke's on him no matter what.

i really do love those military jackets with embroidery that resembles a gilded ribcage they serve sooooooo much thanatological cunt it's unreal. the memento mori of it all. the bastardised martyrdom. the self-fulfilling prophecy of dressing yourself in silver and gold evoking the final, fragile shield between the most vital, vulnerable parts of you and annihilation, just to go to a place where the objective is to hack it to pieces as cruelly and efficiently as possible until you resemble nothing more than ground meat trodden into the dust you came from. fuck the military for real and forever but they went harder with horrifically ironic self-deceiving propaganda than anyone ever has or will. give it up for the old lie everyone!

so last year during a period of intense suicidal depression i made this necklace that i always wear, right, and the thing is it's genuinely brought me a lot of comfort and relief and i've developed a strong sentimental attachment to it, to the point that i can inarguably state that it's had a net positive effect on my mental wellbeing. however i did now just have to stop to almost throw up laughing because i realised that i've succumbed to the amulet.

sprite can oil lamp

I was expecting this to burn through the paper towel wick after like 5 minutes but it was still goin strong after like half an hour I'm gonna save so much money from my monthly candles related expenses

as a strange aside, the vegetable oil has a acquired a savory metallic taste surprisingly similar to blood

girl u r ingesting aluminum

its been nearly a year now but I like how everyone in the notes assumed im just chugging vegetable oil

fun fact you cna do the same thing with leftover cooking grease but it burns super dirty

awesome I've always wanted my appartment to smell like burning lard

awesome I’ve always

wanted my appartment to

smell like burning lard

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

The Desolation

good ice breaker questions for a first date

The Web

i do think we need to start treating spraying harmless "weeds" in your lawn as utterly absurd princess and the pea level of obsession with needing the world to revolve around your every whim, like.

Okay a flower grew out of the ground outside and you can't cope with it. Do you need to sleep on thirty feather beds as well

The Buried

Ain't my circus but I would know my monkeys anywhere.

The Stranger

really factual recounting with no embellishments whatsoever

The Lonely

A BUG'S LIFE (1998) dir. John Lasseter

"nobody likes a complainer" you say, like an idiot, as if thriving ecosystems of friendships aren't blossoming every day based solely on people vocally disliking the same things in similar ways

people who don't experience hyperfixation don't know what it feels like to hyperfixate so much on something that it becomes not only your subject of obsession but also your source of happiness and literally the main reason why you still keep going; literal source of strength and life.

shoutout to my favorite fictional characters, favorite people, favorite ships, favorite movies, favorite tv shows, fanfics and archive of our own

btw if we’re fucking and i stare up at you with glossed over eyes, you’re legally required to fuck me harder.

You become a welding torch impersonator

DO YOU HEAR ME? GET UP.