love me anyway.

@hawkeyefrommash / hawkeyefrommash.tumblr.com

rj | 27 | they/them | canadian | star trek, 911, M*A*S*H, stargate, and more.

hi! i didn't write fic for a long time so i stopped linking my accounts and i always forget to post about it, so i'm gonna make this and pin it so people can find my writing if they're interested :)

You can find my AO3 here.

I'm also very active on twitter and occasionally active on bluesky. If we're mutuals, you can dm me/ask for my instagram :)

I mainly write fic for 9-1-1 and Star Trek TOS lately, so here are two master posts of my fics:

I’ve seen a post talking about Deep Space Nine being pre-9/11 show and I’ve never felt that more than Kira talking to Tom Riker and literally going “dude you’re so bad at being a terrorist, you don’t have that dog in you, if I was in your shoes right now I would’ve been murdering everyone I could because I was a an effective terrorist and that’s what an effective terrorist would do”, and it’s not presented as Kira being evil or unhinged, she’s just making a (correct!) observation about the situation.

honestly i have to kinda disagree with that post thats like “being knightcore doesnt mean pro monarchy just swear ur undying loyalty to ur bff or ur crush or smth”

no. thats not what makes it sexy. either grapple with your beloved master’s role as a symbol of the state or choose to ignore it entirely and remain their loyal hound to whatever end, uncaring of the structures of power which you serve. become naught but a blade, the burden of your choices left to settle in the hand that wields you. it’s not about being besties forever it’s about OWNERSHIP and DUBIOUS MORALITY and FRANKLY QUESTIONABLE POWER DIFFERENTIALS

I can never leave Tumblr because after years of sporadic therapy utterly failed to even approach the core of my problem some random tumblr user was like “I processed my trauma by writing a 10,000 word work of filthy fanfic erotica” and I was like “fuck it I’ve tried everything else” and now I’m 17 chapters and 20,000 words deep into an unpublishable work of obscenity and after careful literary analysis with one of the Beloved Mutuals I have come to some Terrible Revelations about my childhood and may now continue the process of Healing. Where else am I supposed to get this kind of experience. Who does this. Why are we like this. I’m never leaving. I love y’all.

Gotta write it, show it to people, and discuss it

Good example here.

But like. So one of the reasons this works a lot with kinky stuff, too, is that sexual desire is very seldom openly discussed in our culture, beyond shallow value judgements; a lot of folks have never really had to explain why they find something hot. If you write out a Fantasy, and then find yourself trying to explain to someone why it presses your buttons, you must first be able to articulate why it is Hot to you, and given the way that The Horny tends to make us myopic, the act of intelligently articulating it in a clearer headspace, in an attempt to convey to someone who may not think in precisely the same ways, requires a kind of analysis that you might not have ever performed. Boom. Insight.

This works for many forms of Art, but the talking about it part is key. The act of articulating why you made your choices to others requires your brain to first answer that question for itself.

To quote myself:

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