answering this at 7am cause I still haven’t slept and remembered tumblr exists.

short answer: yes, eventually.

long answer: yes, eventually. I’m currently dealing with a pretty significant flare (pun not intended) of my own fibro that has left me pretty much bed bound, unable to sit up for extended periods, and needing to nap after just about everything. so, honestly, besides guilt at the fact that I haven’t been publishing much, flares hasn’t really been my priority. I’d really hoped that getting out of school early was gonna let me write more, but my body decided to fuck that plan. so uh. I really want to. 100% intend to. but I have no capacity to promise it’ll be any time soon. I hope my readers can understand 💛

hi!!! i’ve been, um, surviving. i’m still in quarantine in my hometown. my health crashed pretty bad. my orthostatic intolerance has been terrible. I’ve broken my “highest heart rate ever” record MANY times in the last few weeks (record currently sits at 191). generally speaking pain and fatigue and stuff is much worse and i’ve never hated stairs more in my life. but my family is safe rn, so that’s good. i’ve been burying myself in animal crossing (currently embarking on crazy week-long renos lol) and uhhh that’s p much it. how are you guys holding up?

hi anon!! I’m uhhhh surviving. super struggling with school atm with everything going on. my health took a serious downturn too with stress and moving and losing access to physio and massage :(( but I’ve been burying myself with animal crossing and having fun!! currently planning island design with my sister

4. what’s your favourite line of dialogue?

fair warning this is a 110k word fic so I didn’t go through the whole thing but off the top of my head I really like:

“I don’t want to die,” he blurts.

Phil squeezes his whole body, pulling him even closer. “I know.”

“But you don’t,” says Dan. “You– I didn’t used to care and now I do and it sucks because I’m terrified and I don’t know how to fix it except to wait.”

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I just answered 5 about flares!

14. is there anything you want readers to learn from reading this fic?

for able-bodied/healthy readers, I hope it teaches them a bit about how chronic illness and chronic pain can present itself, how it can impact every single aspect of day to day life, and perhaps have some better idea of how to help and support those of us who live with it.

for my fellow chronically ill people, I just hope they feel like I’m doing the experience some level of justice and that, if they need the reminder, it shows them that they’re not alone.

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3. what’s your favourite line of narration?

“Maybe he should just print out one of Dan’s ads and frame it, call it a decoration for his loo. It would probably match the rest of his flat. 

Okay. Maybe not.”

idk. i tried to be funny i guess.

5. what part was hardest to write?

hm it’s probably between the parts with doctors, and the current plot of dan trying to figure out how to tell his mom. both of them relate back to my own experience with doctors and how it shaped my concept of myself and my body, so drawing upon that is difficult. 

11. this fluctuates but i generally feel like it does a pretty good job of representing chronic pain, its pervasiveness and impact on day to day life. writing it, i wanted to be very careful to not treat dan’s pain like a plot point that only acted up when it was convenient, and that wasn’t only triggered by the same three things, and i think i did a good job of that.

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9. were there any alternative versions of this fic?

yes!! there were a few actually. I was originally gonna make flares a 2009 au where most things were the same but dan had fibro when they met which contributed to his youtube obsession. then I started a version set in 2017 where dan developed fibro gradually, where it would be more about adjusting within an established relationship. then I started one set in like 2012, with the same general idea. and then I started the version of flares that got published, and it flowed the best and had the most fun ideas to explore, so I went with that!!

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