it’s 2028. trump is dead. elon is dead. zuckerberg is dead bezos is dead they’re all dead

Like to charge reblog to cast

you think youre so funny and cool huh. well you are. i love you

So, we tried doing this with a cat we were looking after. We would not get up until the alarm clock went off.

One morning, he was standing by my head and screaming, but not in my ear. I looked up and saw that he had his little face one inch from the alarm clock. Because we only woke up when the alarm clock went off, he decided that it was the alarm clock that he needed to scream at until it woke up.

I wouldn't say they're exactly the same. Both are about revealing a truth the listener would rather not hear, but on what they differ is in how the listener reacts to the information. The scroll of truth showcases a listener that rejects the truth, whereas the Spider-Man one showcases a listener that accepts the truth even though it pains them. You can use them interchangeably, of course you can. But using the right one for the right occasion will help you make a meme that's more relatable for more people

I love messing with these annoying accounts

unfortunately i do believe posthaste is one of the funniest words out there. how quick am i doing something? fast as fuck my good sir

underrated form of humor: just making shit up in past tense

My personal favourite:

official linguistics post

@t4ct1c4l-fluk3

:3c

hmmm. Tumblr mobile update looking pretty ugly

You know I'm gonna be honest. I don't think all these apps really need access to my precise location

hate how they forced bugs bunny into anti-weed propaganda in the 90s, as if bugs bunny wouldn’t love smoking weed 

To be perfectly fair, bugs bunny would also love taking money for starring in anti-weed propaganda and then using said money to buy weed

bugs bunny is not real 

"The nonbinary afab who goes by she/her, dresses femininely, and uses a push-up bra when I—" when you what? What's wrong with her?

Is she not nonbinary enough for you? Is the way she experiences her queerness and how she presents not perfect enough for you? Nonbinary people don't owe you androgyny, right? So why is she the exception? Why does she have to hate herself to appeal to your standards? Why is she any less trans—any less worthy of respect—cause it's "not visible"? Queer solidarity my ass. Don't spout this bullshit on Pride, man.

This, but also for enby amabs going by he/him and with hairy chests and beards

my brother is sitting in the chair in my room studying a practice test thing for his final test before he becomes a fully certified EMT tomorrow and he’s mumbling some of the questions out loud and he just went “a child has fallen from a monkey at school…” and he just got dead quiet and stared at the wall for like a solid minute with the most stricken look on his face before he whispered “there’s no protocol for monkeys”

bro

bro it means monkey bars 

now he’s googling “child falls from monkey” and apparently the only thing that pops up is Fall Out Boy’s “Thnks Fr th Mmrs”

 I M  L AHUGNI N G SO H ARD  HE WENT INTO THE KITCHEN LIKE 5 MINUTES AGO AND STARTED A CONVERSATION WITH MY MOM AND I HEARD HIM JUST STOP MID SENTENCE AND THEN SHOUT “FUCKING MONKEY BARS” 

this was a post meant for like 6 people who actually know my brother and now this is the only image he has on this site he’s the “monkey protocol” guy for almost 100,000 people I give up