𝜗𝜚 itoshi sae | sweet coffee after break up
❕fluff, sfw. ex, regret bf!sae.
when you open the door, the first thing you think is, i wish i had tied my hair up. ridiculous.
it’s been two months, and you’re still trying to look presentable in front of sae. it’s like you haven’t slept at all.
because the last time you spoke to him, your voice had trembled. you were hurt, you had swallowed your pride. you said, “stay.” and he had left without saying anything. that’s why you had never expected him to come back.
but right now, when you haven’t even entered the house, he just looks at you for a moment and says, “can we talk?” his tone is familiar, calm, considered.
but there’s none of that sharpness you’re used to. this time, he’s tired.
you don’t answer, just step aside. when he realize you’ve let him pass, he quietly enters.
the house… was still full of his things, none of which you had the courage to throw away. the cup he drank coffee with is still at the back of the cupboard, his favorite gray and cold blanket is still in the corner of the couch.
he sits with his hands in his pockets, bowing his head, still silent. you stand there waiting. because you are still unsure of what to do. but he finally starts talking, just when you think everything is over.
“i felt like i had to go,” he says. “as if i would have hurt you more if i stayed. and i guess i’ve already hurt you a lot.”
your eyes fill with tears, this sentence was the sentence you wanted to hear months ago. if he had told you months ago that he was not leaving of his own free will, you would have tried harder to stop him. even though you think it is too late to think about these things right now.
“i realized something,” he says, his eyes clouded but his voice unchanging. “i’m too late to change that, but maybe I didn’t deserve you.”
he raises his head to look at you. his eyes are tired but clear, as if he will not run away this time and as long as you do not silence him, he will tell you clearly.
“i never showed you how much i loved you.”
shut up, you thought. shut up and don't make me dependent on you again.
“until irealized that i had truly lost you, love was a difficult thing for me. i learned that the difficulty of loving without you was easy, but the weight of losing was something else. “
he doesn’t approach you. he doesn’t try to hug you. he doesn’t kneel down to apologize.
beachsw this is sae. always distant, always plain. but this time… he’s being very open about every piece of himself that he can’t feel or make others feel.
“one morning i woke up and tried to collect the things you left in my closet.
“i don’t know, but my hand always went back. the idea of everything being with you felt much safer than nothingness. that’s when i realized,” he says.
you swallow. beacusw if you made a sound, you would cry. and you don’t want to cry.
it wasn’t about looking weak… it was about still being so soft towards him that bothered you.
“coming back to this house wasn’t easy for me. but what was even harder was the idea of never being able to talk to you again.”
after a short silence, he takes a deep breath, puts his hands on his knees and stands up, but he doesn't walk to the door.
"i’m not someone who will tell you to come back. i’ve no right to tell you what to do. but... i’m here. and if one day, one morning, you want to share your breakfast with someone, or if you just want to sit quietly... i can learn to drink that coffee with sugar like you do this time."
he smiles slightly for the first time after saying that sentence. but that smile screams how incomplete he is inside. he stops for a moment as he walks to the door. and without turning around, sae leaves you one last sentence,
the door closes. this time, you don't have to run after him. because now you know that he also left the door ajar to return.
sae didn't like to express his feelings with words. but one day, he would realize that his heart was weakening to find what he had lost. and maybe silence would tell more than his apology.
he was drinking the sugary coffee he hated, right in front of you, longing for you so much that he didn’t care that you put sugar in his coffee.
© itoshhi 2025 {do not copy, translate, steal, modify without permission.}
