Golden boy

Ok, I've decided

I'm gonna just take a big break from being online in any capacity

I don't know if or when I'll be back, I'm sorry

I'm also too lazy to tag people, so I'm just gonna trust that this finds whoever it needs to find

I probably need to take a break from being online again because I'm annoying my closest friends and they don't deserve that

It'll be better for them if I'm not here anyway

I share enough online that people could notice if they cared enough, but no one does

And people know me well enough irl to notice if they cared enough, but no one does

I really can't fucking do this anymore

Not when my closest friends interact with you as much as they do

But you were their friend first. I don't have a right to complain or be annoyed

So I'm sorry, but goodbye

Maybe I should just block everyone and restart completely from scratch

That way I wouldn't be constantly reminded of them by everyone

I hate that all my moots are so close to each other, and I'm not the only link connecting them

Because they all have conversations, and I can't interact, because the original poster has blocked me

Or they tag each other, and I remember them, and it hurts to think of how easily they can move on

I wonder if he checks my blog as well

I know he won't

I know he's not like that, but I can't believe he just moved on that easily, not when it ruined me

He blocked me over a month ago, and I never sent him anything on that

Why the fuck is it the first recommended contact?

It's almost like you want it to happen, and you're going down the right route for it

'the walls of a person's heart are not impregnable, not if they have ever known love'

I hate how true this is

I just want to have one relationship of any sort where I don't love too much and too forcefully and fuck everything up because of it

I don't know why

You shouldn't

He has changed me in so many ways, not all of them good, but I would let him change and destroy all of me if I could just have him again

I've completely changed my whole style of blogging

Everything is different

I don't know whether he'd like it or not now

There's a difference in the loading of blogs between someone I know has blocked me, and his blog

I swear to god Tumblr, if you're just giving me false hope, I don't even know what I'll do, but I know it won't be good