your bones may be in jeopardy

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭INEED TO GET GROCERIES AGAIN😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

^my greek chorus

I’ve been listening to the people in the apartment below me have arguments for two years now and I still can’t figure out what language they’re speaking. The best I can narrow it down is like if Portuguese and Hebrew had a baby. Is that a common pidgin combination

I just listened to a clip of this and jesus christ you fucking got it. there are like 3500 people in the whole united states who speak this and two of them are in a very fraught marriage four feet below me

It's easier to accept that you're aromantic once you understand that what you want isn't romance per se and it's really the companionship that appeals to you. I never actually liked the thought of being in a relationship but I liked the thought of being important to someone

when the spring evening sunlight hits and you can be productive at six in the evening instead of dissolving into goo. fine. i guess the sunlight is powerful or whatever.

Literally the most important words ever spoken

This is so raw

thinking about gnawing on that man like a rawhide or perhaps a large bone

don’t do this.

you either die the harlequin girl or live long enough to see yourself become the testosterone boy or whatever the phrase is

love to purchase items but at what cost

Like a half hour after taking pain relief meds: oh actually it doesnt hurt anymore i probably didnt even need to take those

you can’t jokingly post about kinky shit on tumblr because you say smth like “haha wouldn’t it be hot if you…tried to launch internet explorer…but it wouldn’t load :D”

and then you’ll get one thousand robot girls in the notes going “mmngngnnghhhngn”

YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME. NO NO THIS IS TOO FUNNY,

Why would tumblr update. They know we’re all autistic

“lol why are you following the boobs and ass artist” why do you think I’m following the boobs and ass artist. do you think I go to the grocery store ironically too

iris by goo goo dolls really is insane though. I'd give up forever to touch you? you're the closest to heaven I'll ever be? all I can breathe is your life? and I don't want the world to see me cause I don't think they'd understand? when everything's meant to be broken I just want you to know who I am? does anyone hear me.

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

I want everyone who’s unearthed this after 5 years to reblog it and say “lmao me” to know that getting divorced from this person was one of the best decisions of my life