Avatar

Egg

@justalittleegg

Wattpad - https://www.wattpad.com/user/JustALittleEgg AO3 - https://archiveofourown.org/users/JustALittleEgg

Long overdue (and outdated) intro post

I am Egg and I go by any pronouns, I don’t really care.

My main fandoms are FNaF and the Spiderverse films but I also like Fortnite, Splatoon and a few other things.

I have an AO3 and a Wattpad we’re I write mostly FNAF fanfics but there are some original stories and other things.

FNAF AUs:

These can all be found on my Wattpad and AO3

Eight Years Later (Scream x Fnaf):

Basically what if Evan (cc) survived the bite and so William never murdered anyone but eight years later (hence the title), someone (not gonna spoil who) goes on a murdering spree.

Tomorrow is Another Day:

This is based on @lonelyfreddles Grab&Go AU in which Mike goes back in time to save young Evan from young Mike and takes him back to raise him as his own.

Connection Terminated:

What if Henry was the murderer not William?

Afton:

Not an AU just a written version of my personal fnaf head canon from William’s perspective to have a look inside his mind.

The Curse of the Springtrap:

Mystery Inc. (yes, that Mystery Inc.) gets a call about possibly haunted robots at a place called... Freddy Fazbear's Pizza? Regardless, they go check it out only for the caller to be dead and replaced by a suspicious man named Mike... And the animatronics do seem a bit quirky...

I have more planned but no more being written rn.

Other:

I only speak English

I am pan and probably trans

I like drama and don’t like sport whether for better or for worse.

I don’t often tag stuff even though I should and when I do it’s only 1 or 2 tags

Words for Skin Tone | How to Describe Skin Color

We discussed the issues describing People of Color by means of food in Part I of this guide, which brought rise to even more questions, mostly along the lines of “So, if food’s not an option, what can I use?” Well, I was just getting to that!

This final portion focuses on describing skin tone, with photo and passage examples provided throughout. I hope to cover everything from the use of straight-forward description to the more creatively-inclined, keeping in mind the questions we’ve received on this topic.

Standard Description

Basic Colors

Pictured above: Black, Brown, Beige, White, Pink.

“She had brown skin.”

  • This is a perfectly fine description that, while not providing the most detail, works well and will never become cliché.
  • Describing characters’ skin as simply brown or beige works on its own, though it’s not particularly telling just from the range in brown alone.

Complex Colors

These are more rarely used words that actually “mean” their color. Some of these have multiple meanings, so you’ll want to look into those to determine what other associations a word might have.

Pictured above: Umber, Sepia, Ochre, Russet, Terra-cotta, Gold, Tawny, Taupe, Khaki, Fawn.

  • Complex colors work well alone, though often pair well with a basic color in regards to narrowing down shade/tone.

For example: Golden brown, russet browntawny beige

  • As some of these are on the “rare” side, sliding in a definition of the word within the sentence itself may help readers who are unfamiliar with the term visualize the color without seeking a dictionary.

“He was tall and slim, his skin a russet, reddish-brown.”

  • Comparisons to familiar colors or visuals are also helpful:

“His skin was an ochre color, much like the mellow-brown light that bathed the forest.”

Modifiers

Modifiers, often adjectives, make partial changes to a word.The following words are descriptors in reference to skin tone.

Dark - Deep - Rich - Cool

Warm - Medium - Tan

Fair - Light - Pale

Rich Black, Dark brown, Warm beige, Pale pink…

If you’re looking to get more specific than “brown,” modifiers narrow down shade further.

  • Keep in mind that these modifiers are not exactly colors.
  • As an already brown-skinned person, I get tan from a lot of sun and resultingly become a darker, deeper brown. I turn a pale, more yellow-brown in the winter.
  • While best used in combination with a color, I suppose words like “tan” “fair” and “light” do work alone; just note that tan is less likely to be taken for “naturally tan” and much more likely a tanned White person.
  • Calling someone “dark” as description on its own is offensive to some and also ambiguous. (See: Describing Skin as Dark)

Undertones

Undertones are the colors beneath the skin, seeing as skin isn’t just one even color but has more subdued tones within the dominating palette.

pictured above: warm / earth undertones: yellow, golden, copper, olive, bronze, orange, orange-red, coral | cool / jewel undertones: pink, red, blue, blue-red, rose, magenta, sapphire, silver. 

  • Mentioning the undertones within a character’s skin is an even more precise way to denote skin tone.
  • As shown, there’s a difference between say, brown skin with warm orange-red undertones (Kelly Rowland) and brown skin with cool, jewel undertones (Rutina Wesley).

“A dazzling smile revealed the bronze glow at her cheeks.”

“He always looked as if he’d ran a mile, a constant tinge of pink under his tawny skin.”

Standard Description Passage

“Farah’s skin, always fawn, had burned and freckled under the summer’s sun. Even at the cusp of autumn, an uneven tan clung to her skin like burrs. So unlike the smooth, red-brown ochre of her mother, which the sun had richened to a blessing.”

-From my story “Where Summer Ends” featured in Strange Little Girls

  1. Here the state of skin also gives insight on character.
  2. Note my use of “fawn” in regards to multiple meaning and association. While fawn is a color, it’s also a small, timid deer, which describes this very traumatized character of mine perfectly.

Though I use standard descriptions of skin tone more in my writing, at the same time I’m no stranger to creative descriptions, and do enjoy the occasional artsy detail of a character.

Creative Description

Whether compared to night-cast rivers or day’s first light…I actually enjoy seeing Characters of Colors dressed in artful detail.

I’ve read loads of descriptions in my day of white characters and their “smooth rose-tinged ivory skin”, while the PoC, if there, are reduced to something from a candy bowl or a Starbucks drink, so to actually read of PoC described in lavish detail can be somewhat of a treat.

Still, be mindful when you get creative with your character descriptions. Too many frills can become purple-prose-like, so do what feels right for your writing when and where. Not every character or scene warrants a creative description, either. Especially if they’re not even a secondary character.

Using a combination of color descriptions from standard to creative is probably a better method than straight creative. But again, do what’s good for your tale.

Natural Settings - Sky

Pictured above: Harvest Moon -Twilight, Fall/Autumn Leaves, Clay, Desert/Sahara, Sunlight - Sunrise - Sunset - Afterglow - Dawn- Day- Daybreak, Field - Prairie - Wheat, Mountain/Cliff, Beach/Sand/Straw/Hay.

  • Now before you run off to compare your heroine’s skin to the harvest moon or a cliff side, think about the associations to your words.
  • When I think cliff, I think of jagged, perilous, rough. I hear sand and picture grainy, yet smooth. Calm. mellow.
  • So consider your character and what you see fit to compare them to.
  • Also consider whose perspective you’re describing them from. Someone describing a person they revere or admire may have a more pleasant, loftier description than someone who can’t stand the person.

“Her face was like the fire-gold glow of dawn, lifting my gaze, drawing me in.”

“She had a sandy complexion, smooth and tawny.”

  • Even creative descriptions tend to draw help from your standard words.

Flowers

Pictured above: Calla lilies, Western Coneflower, Hazel Fay, Hibiscus, Freesia, Rose

  • It was a bit difficult to find flowers to my liking that didn’t have a 20 character name or wasn’t called something like “chocolate silk” so these are the finalists. 
  • You’ll definitely want to avoid purple-prose here.
  • Also be aware of flowers that most might’ve never heard of. Roses are easy, as most know the look and coloring(s) of this plant. But Western coneflowers? Calla lilies? Maybe not so much.

“He entered the cottage in a huff, cheeks a blushing brown like the flowers Nana planted right under my window. Hazel Fay she called them, was it?”

Assorted Plants & Nature

Pictured above: Cattails, Seashell, Driftwood, Pinecone, Acorn, Amber

  • These ones are kinda odd. Perhaps because I’ve never seen these in comparison to skin tone, With the exception of amber.
  • At least they’re common enough that most may have an idea what you’re talking about at the mention of “pinecone." 
  • I suggest reading out your sentences aloud to get a better feel of how it’ll sounds.

"Auburn hair swept past pointed ears, set around a face like an acorn both in shape and shade.”

  1. I pictured some tree-dwelling being or person from a fantasy world in this example, which makes the comparison more appropriate.
  2. I don’t suggest using a comparison just “cuz you can” but actually being thoughtful about what you’re comparing your character to and how it applies to your character and/or setting.

Wood

Pictured above: Mahogany, Walnut, Chestnut, Golden Oak, Ash

  • Wood can be an iffy description for skin tone. Not only due to several of them having “foody” terminology within their names, but again, associations.
  • Some people would prefer not to compare/be compared to wood at all, so get opinions, try it aloud, and make sure it’s appropriate to the character if you do use it.

“The old warlock’s skin was a deep shade of mahogany, his stare serious and firm as it held mine.”

Metals

Pictured above: Platinum, Copper, Brass, Gold, Bronze

  • Copper skin, brass-colored skin, golden skin…
  • I’ve even heard variations of these used before by comparison to an object of the same properties/coloring, such as penny for copper.
  • These also work well with modifiers.

“The dress of fine white silks popped against the deep bronze of her skin.”

Gemstones - Minerals

Pictured above: Onyx, Obsidian, Sard, Topaz, Carnelian, Smoky Quartz, Rutile, Pyrite, Citrine, Gypsum

  • These are trickier to use. As with some complex colors, the writer will have to get us to understand what most of these look like.
  • If you use these, or any more rare description, consider if it actually “fits” the book or scene.
  • Even if you’re able to get us to picture what “rutile” looks like, why are you using this description as opposed to something else? Have that answer for yourself.

“His skin reminded her of the topaz ring her father wore at his finger, a gleaming stone of brown, mellow facades.” 

Physical Description

  1. Physical character description can be more than skin tone.
  2. Show us hair, eyes, noses, mouth, hands…body posture, body shape, skin texture… though not necessarily all of those nor at once.
  3. Describing features also helps indicate race, especially if your character has some traits common within the race they are, such as afro hair to a Black character.
  4. How comprehensive you decide to get is up to you. I wouldn’t overdo it and get specific to every mole and birthmark. Noting defining characteristics is good, though, like slightly spaced front teeth, curls that stay flopping in their face, hands freckled with sunspots…

General Tips

  • Indicate Race Early: I suggest indicators of race be made at the earliest convenience within the writing, with more hints threaded throughout here and there.
  • Get Creative On Your Own: Obviously, I couldn’t cover every proper color or comparison in which has been “approved” to use for your characters’ skin color, so it’s up to you to use discretion when seeking other ways and shades to describe skin tone.
  • Skin Color May Not Be Enough: Describing skin tone isn’t always enough to indicate someone’s ethnicity. As timeless cases with readers equating brown to “dark white” or something, more indicators of race may be needed.
  • Describe White characters and PoC Alike: You should describe the race and/or skin tone of your white characters just as you do your Characters of Color. If you don’t, you risk implying that White is the default human being and PoC are the “Other”).
  • PSA: Don’t use “Colored.” Based on some asks we’ve received using this word, I’d like to say that unless you or your character is a racist grandmama from the 1960s, do not call People of Color “colored” please. 
  • Not Sure Where to Start? You really can’t go wrong using basic colors for your skin descriptions. It’s actually what many people prefer and works best for most writing. Personally, I tend to describe my characters using a combo of basic colors + modifiers, with mentions of undertones at times. I do like to veer into more creative descriptions on occasion.
  • Want some alternatives to “skin” or “skin color”? Try: Appearance, blend, blush, cast, coloring, complexion, flush, glow, hue, overtone, palette, pigmentation, rinse, shade, sheen, spectrum, tinge, tint, tone, undertone, value, wash.

Skin Tone Resources

Writing & Description Guides

I tried to be as comprehensive as possible with this guide, but if you have a question regarding describing skin color that hasn’t been answered within part I or II of this guide, or have more questions after reading this post, feel free to ask!

~ Mod Colette

saving for future reference :3

genuinely insane how little u have to work to experience misogyny as a transfem

my endo is threatening to become useless because I gained 12 pounds and our meetings can't leave the subject of skinnying me urgently, ive gotten sexually harassed in public when I put no effort into appearing feminine, people misunderstand me on purpose online and I'm accused of making things up for sympathy constantly

your theory of transphobia has to be cognizant of the fact that transphobes treat trans women like women

I think about this quote all the time since I first heard it

that is horrible to hear, but people don't misunderstand you online because you gained weight or are a woman patricia. you say batshit insane things and expect people to be ok with it, then when people don't like the things you say you play weak abused victim.

see how easy it is? you just have to make a post about experiencing misogyny and the misogynists come to you to explain that you're not experiencing misogyny and claim you're "playing weak abused victim"

you could cut the irony with a knife.

Yeah sure ok. Anyway, here's a link to the recent(very ableist) shit she's been been spouting, along with a compilation of other said insane shit she's said in the past.

hey guys take a look at the recent(very ableist) shit i've been been spouting along with a compilation of other said insane shit i've said in the past

Ah yes, let me harass this woman because she

Checks notes

Has some bad takes and experiences her own trauma "wrong"

Like bruh, seriously? Grow up. I think her plagiarism take was mid too, and yet, strangely, I feel absolutely zero compulsion to insult her over it.

And also, she didn't say people were misunderstanding her on the internet because she was fat?? The fuck? She said her doctor, was being obnoxious because she gained weight, something I've heard from many plus sized friends. Who've been refused care because of their weight

And also, yes, people will absolutely misinterpret women, both cis and trans, online for the sole crime of being women.

I swear, feels like Patricia could post "I think ice cream is overrated" and get people screaming about how she wants to murder cows.

do you ever say something and then think "wow this isnt even a bit. im just like this"

do yoo evew say someting and den tink “wow dis isn’t even a bit!! im just wike dis UwU”

This post has been UwU-ified!

i feel dirty after reading that

do yoo need a scwubby wubby? OwO

i think i do need a scwubby wubby to be honest but not from you

When is it my turn to be happy.

fuck this im going to keep talking about it. im honestly really disappointed with chappell roan specifically requesting ai art submissions, not only because she would have more than enough money to commission any artist out there but specifically because she’s supposed to understand. as a girl who worked hard, then got picked up by a super famous label and then got dropped anyway, only to work even harder to get back into the spotlight, she should understand why by endorsing ai she’s removing girls like her’s ability to make it and fucking over herself in the process.

her target audience is a left wing, progressive crowd, and you cannot expect them to just let this slide. chappell stands for everything the progressive crowd wants: gender equality, queer rights, a ceasefire, freedom of speech, personal boundaries, mental health awareness, the list goes on and on. all of her choices have proven that she is willing to fight for these things which will bring equality and betterment to society. she has proven that she’s an icon, a worthy role model. but for her to turn around and just violate it like that? this is quite literally spitting in the face of everyone she’s inspired and fought for. i don’t fucking CARE that you don’t draw there is billions of us who do. this is like projecting into the sky ‘i only care when its convenient to me’. i understand that everyone’s human and mistakes are inevitable, but its been over a week and its unaddressed to my knowledge. she needs to own up and take accountability for her mistake, and if not… well, that says a lot about her, i think.

i love’s chappell’s music as much as the next person but if this continues i’m afraid she’ll be losing my support.

i wanted to do another one of these so let spotify predict your 2025! im going to be shuffling my on repeat playlist and the first thirteen songs are going to predict my year. feel free to join :)

january: pink pony club by chappel roan (the gays???) february: never love an anchor by the crane wives (i dont want abandonment noooooo. i can sense the parental issues dear god) march: atlantis by seafret (quite literally doomed by the narrative) april: sucker by marcus king and arcane (its a banger but im afraid for what this means. daddy issues??? crime??? who knows) may: mad dog by the crane wives (capitalism (and why its bad)) june: espresso by sabrina carpenter (summer vibes at the beginning of winter is so criminal but fuck it we ball) july: sleep well by cg5 (how does one interpret this its a literal poppy playtime song) august: dancin' by cg5 (i shall dance??? the night away????) september: hermitgang by elybeatmaker ft team star (WHAT) october: 这样很好 (isha's song) by eason chan and arcane (im scared) november: melatonin by birds of bellwoods (i sure would love meself some dreams and perhaps some success in it) december: ma meilleure ennemie by pomme, stromae and arcane (i can interpret this in two ways. angst and france.)

and finally 2025 in general: say it by the crane wives (cutting loose ends? i dont know if this is good or bad. the creators said its a heartbreak song i dont like this)

anyway yeah im not getting very good omens from spotify uh oh

okay so uhm i did this because it seemed cool but im technologically illiterate and couldnt find the playlist so i just did it with my longest one :] january: Stressed Out [Twenty One Pilots] (basically like. the transition from adolescence to adulthood, growing up and stuff. uh yeah it was coming along soon anyway) february: Juliet [Cavetown] (figuring myself out ig?? also depression so not looking forwards to that i dont rly know how to interpret this one) march: Bubblegum Bitch [MARINA] (uhhhhhhhhhhh) (this is not a good omen...) april: My Ordinary Life [The Living Tombstone] (disillusionment i guess idk?? uhm yeah) may: A Crow's Trial [Vane Lily] (i finally go insane) june: This Side of Paradise [Coyote Theory] (i am no longer insane) (wanting connection idk) july: Cairo [San Fermin] (more Yearning) august: Devil Town [Cavetown] (my parents are already divorced they cant to anything more to me muahahahaha) (unless...) september: Istanbul (Not Constantinople) [The Four Lads] (??????????) (idk change?? the inexorable roll onwards of times wheel that crushes everything before it as if grapes to wine????) (or we go to istanbul that would be fun) october: Icarus & Apollo [Ripto] (this shouldve come up earlier to make a coherent storyline lmao) (idk how to interpret this so i googled it and google said that its about navigating a relationship so i guess i get to be not bitchless in 2025) november: Saint Bernard [Lincoln] (uh oh i sense trouble with the church) december: Past Lives [BØRNS] (yay) overall: Somebody's Watching Me [Rockwell] (uh oh) anyway thats not great hoping for a better 2025 than this lol

using my top 100 songs from 2024 hmm here we go

january: full discolure part 2 (addams family) uhhh secrets come out???

february: serious (legally blonde) oh um i will be serious?? wow im really bad at this either that or ill be broken up with maybe ill just really badly misread a situation oop

march: drink with me (les mis) yay friends :) also entirely musicals so far yips

april: fine on the outside (when marnie was there soundtrack, priscilla ahn) sounds fun :)

may: sweet as honey (the maes) safe then not then safe

june: henry martin (joan baez) piracy also maybe older sibling stuff maybe dont be stubborn

july: die for you (valorant, grabbitz) well that sounds promising

august: body (stacey ann) oh dear note to self avoid romance

september: cups (pitch perfect, anna kendrick) going on a trip, youll miss me heh

october: this old house (when marnie was there soundtrack, priscilla ahn) <3 :)

november: you deserve to be loved (jack davies and the bush chooks) aw ty yipee

december: crazier than you (addams family) guys i go insane but in a good way

overall: stars (les mis, roger allam) guys be a good person and youll succeed (im ignoring the fact that in this song you need to believe in god to be a good person)

hmmm guys it will get better in the last quarter of the year itll be fine i have stuff to look forward to itll be fine

Wowzers.

I’m sure mine will be perfectly fine and happy. (Subtle foreshadowing)

January: Unholy - Negative 25. Basically super emo depressive stuff… fun!

February: Into the Light - VGR. This is from Splatoon. They’re speaking in squid. Idk what it’s about but it’s a happy credits song so 🤷

March: No Time to Explain - Good Kid. This song I think is about how you’ll be okay no matter what happens. So that’s good :)

April: I Got No Time - The Living Tombstone. This is about FNAF 4. Am I going to be attacked by monsters when I try to sleep? What does this mean?

May: Disaster - Conan Gray. Hopeless love.

June: Dreamin’ - Weezer. Who cares about important parts of life? Have fun!

July: Handheld - Phoneboy. Reminiscing on a badly ended romance because your sad. This is not looking good for me.

August: I Look Alive - Phoneboy. Alone and depressed. This is really not looking good for me.

September: THE FRIEND SPACE - Ryan Woods. More hopeless love.

October: Casual - Chappel Roan. My birthday month. 😊 Also wow, that’s not good.

November: Pink Pony Club - Chappel Roan. GAYYYY.

December: People Watching - Conan Gray. Alone and depressed… again.

Overall: Sad Boy Summer - Negative 25. Abusive ex… yayyyy!

My interpretation is that I’ll have lots of romances that are fun while they last but horrible when they end.

Anyway, that’s fun.

"trans women can be transandrophobic!" "trans men can be transmisogynistic!" listen youre right but heres the thing. that is a small percentage. most of all of us support each other. we need to love each other forever. alright? we are on the same team. we stand together.

no matter how bad it gets. we are a community.

Okay this may be an incredibly niche reference that not many people will get but, like, why does the start of the song 'h4ppy t00' by Negative 25 sound exactly like Grian's permit office song ('Please Hold' by Jono) from Hermitcraft s10. I know I'm not going crazy but I cannot find anything online about it. They sound identical. I swear I'm not crazy. LISTEN ON YOUTube or Spotify. COMPARE THEM! THEY SOUND THE SAME! I'M NOT CRAZY!!

I SWEAR I'M NOT CRAZY. THEY SOUND THE SAME!!

Okay this may be an incredibly niche reference that not many people will get but, like, why does the start of the song 'h4ppy t00' by Negative 25 sound exactly like Grian's permit office song ('Please Hold' by Jono) from Hermitcraft s10. I know I'm not going crazy but I cannot find anything online about it. They sound identical. I swear I'm not crazy. LISTEN ON YOUTube or Spotify. COMPARE THEM! THEY SOUND THE SAME! I'M NOT CRAZY!!

Dudes shouldn't have to prove themselves by having spartan greyscale homes with dollar store rubber shower curtains and a mattress on the floor. Do you know what life is like with linen

Being a dude raised with a certain level of socially enforced traditional femininity has imbued my ass with great wisdom and powers

  1. Sleeping naked is fine but pajamas protect your sheets better from your body's natural sweat and oil and dead skin and junk so if you wear clean jimjams to bed your skin won't break out as bad and your sheets will stay cleaner longer
  2. On the topic of sheets, dirty bedsheets don't ventilate as well as clean bedsheets so washing them regularly (once every 1-2 weeks) will keep you warmer in the cold season and cooler in the hot season
  3. If you can get your hands on linen sheets- new, second-hand, pass-down, whatever- they're incredibly sturdy, get softer and softer over time, and will last longer than your lifetime. They also wick sweat so you don't wake up wet if you're a night-sweat guy and are, again, pretty great for your skin
  4. Getting a proper bedframe extends the life of your mattress, will keep you warm in the winter and cool in the summer, offers additional storage space, and is easier on your back.
  5. A boxspring under your mattress will make it softer, too
  6. You can get mattress protectors that zip over your mattress to keep it clean and bedbug-resistant, too
  7. Your entire house will feel bougie and cozier if it smells good. Consider a reed infuser, or a plug-in wax melt. Trust me on this it turns a shitty studio apartment into a 4/5 hotel
  8. Stick some plants around. If you can't sustain them, get fake ones. New ones are kind of expensive at home decor places but dollar stores and thrift shops have some pretty decent options usually. The human brain responds well to seeing plants around, you get depressed without plants. Stick one in your bathroom for that ritzy feel
  9. I know you're tempted to go all black but dark colours will make your spaces feel smaller and bleak. Again, try thrifting a shower curtain in an interesting pattern, it brightens shit up
  10. Wash your face. You don't have to do anything crazy you can just scrub some water on with your hands if you want but it feels really really good.
  11. Keep DIFFERENT SHOWER SCRUBERS for your FACE and your ASS this one is NOT OPTIONAL I will fucking find you
  12. Three in one shampoos are fine but it's just shampoo mixed with conditioner. Having shampoo and conditioner separate lets your hair get moisturized before the final rinse and your hair will feel silkier. Scrub your scalp a lil too bro you get sweaty during the day. Shampoo for the whole head, when conditioning focus on the ends and let it sit a sec.
  13. You don't HAVE to do a bunch of fashion research but in general sticking to clothes you Like The look Of, not just "whatever was on sale at target", and spending some time planning out your appearance will make you feel better about yourself.
  14. What haircuts look best for your face shape? What glasses make your cheekbones stand out, or make your head look taller, or whatever? What are your options for facial hair? What's your body shape, and how do you estimate flatter it? You don't gotta, but it's fun. It can be so so fun
  15. If you can see your veins, green means warmer skin tones and blue means cooler skin tones. This can help determine what colours look best on you. Your skin may also come off as cooler or warmer-toned in neutral light, too, if you can't shortcut
  16. Stop buying white light bulbs for your house. It feels cold and depressing and washes you out so when you look in the mirror you feel sick. Stop it. Get warm-tone or yellow lights and feel warm and cozy. I want this for you
  17. There's nothing illegal about using a lil concealer if you wanna cover up discolored spots.
  18. Skin products with salicylic acid kill off zits and junk. Like not 100% but definitely a game changer
  19. Nobody in the world has naturally bleach-white teeth, that's a marketing lie, but you DO still have to brush regularly and toothpaste comes in a bunch of flavors now not just nasty mint. I personally am fond of strawberry
  20. This was a post for dudes but it's actually for everybody now so if you weren't raised with girl rules have at er

literally no better feeling than blurting out some loud dumbass joke with your buddies and hearing a total stranger ugly-snort-laugh as they walk past bc their own laughter caught them by surprise. find joy and connection in the spontaneity of strangers you son of a bitch. i fucking got your ass

This is what it's like when I say the dumbest things imaginable to my wife or partner in the checkout lines to see if the cashier will crack a smile. A little human connection between the drudgery.

A few years ago when my little sister was maybe ten or so we went to this like, novelty/antiques store which had an impressive amount of really bad taxidermy. We were sort of doing our own things and I was across the room from her so when she spots this horrible fish she has to run over and yell “ come see the ugliest taxidermied old fish I’ve ever seen “ at me. Without even thinking I just said “you’re the ugliest taxidermied old fish I’ve ever seen.” Which got a snort from an old man across the room. Anyways a few minutes later my stepmom came in and my sister said the same thing to her, and without missing a beat my stepmom deadpans “your father’s the ugliest taxidermied old fish I’ve ever seen”. The old guy absolutely LOST it

Cops: he was quiet, kept to himself, no one would’ve suspected him

16 year old girl who lived 4 doors down the road: he was creepy as shit, my dog hated him, my little brother cried when he walked past the house and when I was 14 he sniffed me as I walked past him, we all knew he was a freak but we had no set proof so the cops didn’t do shit

trojan war WRAPPED

you spent 10 YEARS at war

overall, you killed 1685 trojan soldiers. that's almost 17 hecatombs worth!

aristeia moment! your best day of fighting was in year 9, where you sent 23 souls of warriors to hades in a single battle

you were saved by hera 4 times

you exchanged armor with 2 trojan warriors. zeus xenios smiles upon you!

check out your top 5 commanders:

  1. nestor
  2. odysseus
  3. agamemnon
  4. menelaus
  5. ajax the greater
You are using an unsupported browser and things might not work as intended. Please make sure you're using the latest version of Chrome, Firefox, Safari, or Edge.