Pinned
im here purely out of boredom,as it says in my bio i can get pretty toxic at times so please remember that i don't accidentally want to hurt anyone's feelings
so,a little introduction.
shinya fanart i made. i love him sm i want to kms augh
two ver bc idk
anyways i was originally going to finish this when i started,aka five months ago but i was too lazy but today i did it bc i had too much freetime
i lied it was chronic boredom and i had the idea five months ago i started and finished it all today
there are like generations between vampires.
First Generation (or as i like to call them, Higher Progenitors)
Sika,Urd,Rigr,Lest,Krul,Ky,Basteya and most of the Black Demons that humans wield are from this generation.
One trait they all share is thinking they're better than others. They display it differently,but still.
Second Generation, or canonically,Lesser Vampires
I think Lesser vamps are separated into two: Progenitors and ''City Guards'',
Ferid,Crowley,Chess,Horn and other vampires I can't remember right now belong to the Progenitor section of it. Like Higher Progenitors,they also think they're better,but they're arrogant and cocky.
Though City Guards are like characters like Lacus,Renรฉ and Mikaela. They aren't treated with respect but they're the most arrogant and cocky out of all the vampires. Though Mikaela bends this rule.
One common thing between all of them is the thought of humans being pathetic and miserable. It's the reason why a certain vampire rules one region/country,because humans can't be trusted ruling themselves and will mess up one way or another.
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Analysis: Who are the Mikaela subjects? Are Ferid and Crowley brothers?
Are Ferid and Crowley brothers?
This matter has been discussed before on tumblr, but I'm gonna speak about it again. If you already know what I'm talking about, you can skip and get to the next part where I explain the Mikaela subjects.
We know of Ferid's older brother in his flashbacks when he was a human. Well, what if I tell you that his brother was actually Crowley before he got reincarnated?
this is me. hello me. yes i am an antagonistic narcissist. credits to @sadicubus for the flag
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Anonymous asked:
What do you mean by narc attachment?/genq
I am a narcissist! I sure would love a link to something explaining this concept that wasn't deeply ableist but unfortunately everything is like. Top ten ways to know that someone is a narc and narc attaching to you so you can RUN AWAY because they are USING YOU!!!!!
But since we can't have nice things I will try to explain it myself.
Basically narcissists need something called narc supply to feel ok. This is most often in the form of praise and attention. You get these things mostly from other people. You need these things. People give these things to you because they like you. You therefore care about them liking you. They give you the thing you need. Therefore you like them. (They may also have traits that make them Special and Better than others which makes you like them More)
Narcs can attach very very strongly to people who give them supply because of this. We want them to be happy with us. We want them to be happy in general. We feel extremely protective of them. When I hear someone has hurt someone I have narc attachment for I feel violence in my heart.
Narcs also often feel kind of an ownership over people they attach to. This does not mean we will be weird about it or entitled about it, though I imagine that some people are. But it is just tied to the protectiveness I think. Sometimes we decide a person is our person now. Very cute thing I do with other narcs who I like where we say we both own each other a little bit, but not too much. We want to belong but we do not want to be trapped. Mutual aro narc attachment friendship very cute.
As an aromantic narc not knowing I was either I used to think that this was what love was. But when I told people I loved them they would seem to assume I meant things I did not mean. When I dated people, they would fuck up the whole relationship and expect things of me that I did not think would be expected and they all become very weird and entitled to me and my time. I did not know I was meant to do something different when I dated someone. I just thought it meant I like you a lot, I want to talk to you often. And it was a label I put on relationships where I already was doing that, and expected it just to be a marker of how much we like each other. But then people expected me to talk to them Even more often, and I am like. I am already talking to you almost every day, I need to sleep sometimes, Jeez. Or worse they expect me to base my life decisions around what they want or change myself for them. What the hell
Other narcs feel free to add more explanation for Narc attachment I know I did not cover every kind of attachment here. Feel free also to add on your own personal experiences
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I think that a lot of people without NPD have a really poor understanding of "narc supply" or the specific type of positive attention that pwNPD crave. Even the egotypicals who are allies, the ones denounce narc abuse and anti-NPD ableism, don't fully grasp it.
There's this false idea that NPDs like to be worshipped and showered with compliments all of the time, and I mean, yeah, most of us would eat that shit up, but I know that for myself and a lot of other pwNPD it's deeper and much more, I guess, personal?
I don't really know how to describe it, so I'll give an example: As a kid, no one really paid attention to my creative endeavors, my accomplishments, my feelings, etc. And if they DID pay attention, the attention was negative. I could always do better, I could always be smarter, stronger, etc. This came from peers and adults alike. So I developed a coping mechanism where I would tell myself that everyone else was wrong, that I'm actually the best person around, etc. I don't have to explain what disorder I ended up with as an adult as a result of all of that. :P
But anyway - the wound of constantly being ignored at best and insulted at worst is still there. You know how when you're in a group chat or a conversation with multiple people and no one ever pays attention to your comments, while paying attention to everyone else? Yeah, that shit hurts EVERYONE, but especially pwNPD. Even the smallest acknowledgment can be "narc supply."
You know how when you achieve something really cool and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you will be quick to praise OTHER people?
You know how when you post art/edits online and everyone ignores you - but the people who ignore you compliment someone else's post in the exact same thread?
You know how when you ask your friend to read your favorite book or listen to your favorite artist or whatever because of how much it means to you, and they never do it, but then they read/listen to everyone else's favorite thing at everyone else's recommendation, and how much it pisses you off? (Hurts even more if you have the SAME favorite book/artist and someone reads/listens to it at the other person's recommendation and not at yours.)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I could go on and on. That shit would bother anyone, us narcissists aren't alone in being hurt by that, but my G-d, it impacts pwNPD in such a specific way.
But let me flip it around to the positive!
A narcissist doesn't necessarily get their "supply" from someone telling them that they're the coolest person in the world and that they're a god. (Though if you do want to say that to us we probably won't complain!) Sometimes they get their "supply" from something as simple as someone acknowledging their achievements, and giving specific praise on what the achievement was. ("It's so cool that you won a prize in the music recital. The song you played sounds like it was really difficult and I loved your stage presence.")
Being told, "Wow, you did such a great job on your artwork, I love the colors!" goes a very very long way for a narc, especially when said narc is used to being IGNORED for their art.
Hearing, "it's so cool that you like that book, I'll have to read it and tell you my thoughts!" can help a narcissist's interests feel acknowledged.
You might be reading this and thinking, "well, isn't it just basic human interaction to compliment your friends or try out their interests"? And, well, maybe it is, but the whole point of NPD is that most of us grew up without receiving that type of attention, so now we're very very desperate for it - and very, very, VERY sensitive to when it doesn't happen, or is even perceived to not have happened. Something as small as being talked over in a group chat can set us off, but something as small as a simple, "hey, it's so cool that you did this, I love it." can win us over.
And to be completely fair, most of the time us being "ignored" isn't completely intentional. Like, I get it, yeah, sometimes timing just doesn't work out for person A to read my favorite book at my own rec, but by the time person B is in their life, person A can read it, and it's not anything personal. Sometimes the content I make just isn't someone's ~style~ and they support me, they really do, they just don't know what to say. Sometimes someone forgets to respond, or doesn't get a notification when I send them something I made or tell them about something I did. (There is less excuse for being ignored in face-to-face/offline convos though.) But because of the trauma of us constantly being ignored as kids/teens, the smallest little thing hurts and as a result we seek and crave attention EVERYWHERE.
So now, to give in to narc stereotypes of begging for attention: If you're a person without NPD and you genuinely want to help the narcissists you have in your life, the second best thing you can do for us is checking in to make sure we're not overlooked. Try to be sure you're not ignoring us, and if we do something cool, try to compliment it, even if it's something you don't fully "understand." Ask us about what we've been up to lately, what we're proud of about ourselves, and agree with us that what we've done is pretty cool. I mean, you'd do that for any friend, right? It's really not all outlandish for a narc to want that.
(If you're curious what the FIRST best thing you can do for a narcissist is, it's giving us a million dollars unlearning your anti-NPD ableism and calling people out who use narcissist as an insult as a synonym for abuser. Even in "offline" spaces, even when we're not around, even doctors/therapists. Even "narc" abuse survivors.)
this is so relatable i feel like I've been called out i love you op
Tainted Soul, Peeking Through a Charade.
He is losing something. He dedicated his life to that thing,and is emotionally attached to it. No matter how much it drains him,he kept looking for it. He would then realize,it was meaningless; both the thing he was searching for and his efforts. Though it would be too late,as he already lost something else,more important: his self.
He wakes up with nightmares everyday. Though he isn't sure if that's the right term,as those are merely his mind repeating visuals of him doing things he is starting to be disgusted in. The more he thought,the more nauseous he got. The more his head hurt.
He sees his friends. His friends that he values the most in his life-or at least, that's what he thinks. He knows there's something he should put above all,but he also knows that if he does that,he will betray himself.
He kills time with his comrades,but time isn't the only thing they have slain. They all know exactly what each of them are thinking,a silent oath to be silent. They try to forget,he tries to forget,but to no avail. The thoughts keep nagging him,the visuals of what he wishes to see no more appearing everytime he blinks. Even if he sees them for milliseconds,he knows what they are. He knows.
He tries to focus on the book in his hands. An outsider could think he's reading, concentrated, meanwhile all he does is stare at it blankly. Things he used to enjoy doing are losing their meaning. He doesn't wish to continue. He wants to give up,to let go,to push off the shackles weighing him down,but he knows he can't. There is a bigger force holding him back. He despises it,but he can't disobey.
He keeps praying. He doesn't call it praying no more,he calls it begging for a response. A response for his deeds. A response that will explain why. He keeps on swinging his sword, repeating the words like a mantra: โโO Lord...O Lord... Don't abandon us...โโ
Though he gets no reply. His friends are gone before his eyes,and he knows he can't do anything but to lunge forward, to forget. To forget. To forget.
What shall he do? He felt everything to an extreme to the point his feelings have dulled. His feelings are dulled,unlike the sword on his hip.
He meets someone new. Eccentric. Unique. He felt the urge to cut him open on the spot,but he didn't. Why? Why? Why didn't he? What could possibly go wrong?
It isn't long until that person intrudes into his space. Into his personal life. He knew that he couldn't rely on something he used to value a lot for help anymore,so he had no choice,but to take the helping hand of the man.
The man was...quite annoying. Unique doesn't necessarily mean good,nice or useful,now does it? Even though he was annoying,he knew he had to team up with the man,for his sake. For his friends' sake.
He roamed around with the man,mindlessly followed wherever he was taking him to the point he was tired of it. The man was vague,and his answers didn't satisfy his curiosity. He didn't even bother to explain or answer properly for that matter... But he continued to put up with him.
After you've spent a lot of time with someone,even though you try to convince yourself that you hate them,you will be attached to them in some way. When they're gone,you will seek their presence unconsciously. That's how it works. It's also the same for his and that man's case. Did he hate it? Yes. Could he do anything to change it? No. He couldn't. He never had the power to do anything. He couldn't even save his friends. Or solve the mystery they left behind before leaving. He sighed and bottled it all up. Over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over...
He knew that their journey was nearing an end, the mysterious man's actions gave it away. It wasn't long before the ugly stench of betrayal filled it all up,the shattered pieces of hope cutting him and leaving him to bleed out,to fend for himself again. He was furious. He tried to track him down in his new body. He tried his best,but to no avail. It was as if fate was failing him on purpose,a higher being toying with him for fun.
He was angry. Sad. Fearful. Desperate. You name it. It all dulled down overtime...unlike the newly found sword he fetched off of someone he no longer was interested in.
Finally,the opportunity he longed for was in front of him. Served to him in a silver platter. But he no longer had any feelings. He was just a shell. A body doomed to live forever without any meaning. All he felt was...a faint sense of hurt and rage. Faint. Slight. The man he had newly met,no,met centuries ago,was grinning before him,calling him brother. The man was still eccentric. The man didn't change. But he did. He changed a lot. He lost his true sense of self,and finally realizing he had no other choice,he would slowly started to build up a new one. A new him.
And so,the two would set out on a long,long journey.
#can you tell this was rushed a bit#owari no seraph#seraph of the end#bpd traits#ptsd#religious trauma#religious imagery#traumatized#actually traumatized#flashbacks#Crowley Eusford#ferid bathory#vampire crowley#human crowley#character analysis#owari no serafu#rigr stafford#urd geales#crowley eusford#guren ichinose
i did not sleep tonight because i was busy with some shit now that it's done i deem stupid
i do not feel any success whenever im done with something,just a relief that it's over with. im literally so angry I'll sleep until like five pm i hope
#npd#npd thoughts#npd blog#npd problems#actually npd#npd safe#npd traits#npd rage#npd culture is#narcissistic#narcissistic traits#narcissistic personality disorder#narcissism#actually narcissistic#narc#bpd rage#bpd splitting#bpd stuff#actually bpd#bpd problems#bpd thoughts#bpd vent#bpd#actually borderline#borderline personality disorder#borderline blog#borderline problems