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do you think wyatt’s death was actually allowed to be broadcast? do you think everyone home in district 12–who may have believed him to be Booker Boy scum—were allowed to see him use his last moments to protect the youngest and weakest of them?

is this a good time for me to say that i thought The Ballad movie was actually a really great adaptation of the book, but that it’s best watched in tandem with reading the book?

a lot of people (esp w Sunrise expanding on snow’s dedication to being a pos) have been saying they don’t think the movie represented how evil young snow is accurately since so many people ended up romanticizing and victimizing him by the end. but personally? i walked out of that premiere thinking that they did a wonderful job showing how good snow was at manipulating his image and presenting himself as a stand-up guy.

it was always going to be difficult to adapt The Ballad into a movie due to the sheer difference in media forms. we get such an intimate look into the corruption of snow’s mind in the book due to the nature of the written narratives, and short of having tom blyth literally speak every thought he has out loud in the movie, his sliminess was never going to be perfectly portrayed from book-to-screen.

in fact, i thought that even without him verbally projecting his internal monologues, his actions in the movie were still suspicious at best and straight up selfish at worst. there’s no going around his consistent dedication to self-preservation and narcissism, even when put in the best of light.

if anything, i think that for so many to have fallen for snow’s outward charm and innocent facade when portrayed without his internal dialogue really shows exactly why he was able to get away with such profound evil from The Ballad all the way up till The Hunger Games.

no wonder he became president and maintained power for so long—he’s the perfect politician.

thinking about how young haymitch must’ve had the softest soul of all time bared for everyone to see (except for maybe himself) bc every time he was like “i won’t hurt you” people were always like “yeah, duh”

saw someone complain that suzanne collins’ use of “the raven” to repeatedly interrupt the last few pages of the book as haymitch’s life quite literally disintegrates into ash and dust was distracting and annoying—

and to that person i would argue that i personally believe it was a really ominous and tragically beautiful way to represent the absolutely mind-numbing state of grief that haymitch finds himself in post-homecoming and all the way up until the 74th games. during these passages, we get an expedited view of how he has successfully driven everyone away, except for the stubborn, ill-begotten company of his aching loss—his raven.

it’s both poetic and haunting to think that year after year—whether he is in drunken stupor, hungover haze, or painful sobriety—haymitch spends two decades hearing his raven tapping at his chamber door when no one else is left to.

(SOTR page 224)

on my first pass, i was suspicious and thought that, surely, lou lou was sent to find haymitch by the gamemakers in her ear. and, of course, i still think that’s a very viable explanation…

however, on my reread, it just occurred to me that the much sadder explanation could be that as wyatt sacrificed his life to protect her, he may have—in his last moments—told lou lou to find haymitch, knowing that haymitch would do his best to protect her despite how he insisted on going it alone

something about “i’ll be your sister” maysilee telling haymitch she’s afraid her twin might not be a twin anymore after she dies and then still promising haymitch that she’ll be his sister, too, and inevitably leaving behind a girl with the same face as her and an older brother who didn’t know what having a sister meant until he didn’t have a single sibling left.

yeah, something about that

i haven’t seen people really talk about it, so idk if i’m the only one who was affected by it so deeply…but when haymitch and wellie are in the tree together, huddled around their little potato light, and silka comes to the base of their tree (not to hunt or kill, but just to be near someone again)—

i actually don’t think i’ve cried so hard at a book in a long time. maybe in another couple days i’ll be able to put my finger on exactly why it was so impactful, but for now, i just find the image heartbreaking for what it is: three kids terrified of the world, terrified of each other, and terrified of being alone, most of all.

thinking about how haymitch comes from a poor, starving district and is subjected to an arena full of luscious, extravagant, and very-much-so deadly food. thinking about how later, for the first time in decades, haymitch mentored not one, but two winning tributes from an even hungrier district 12. thinking about how unlucky it is that both of his victors had to be from the same games. thinking about how—upon this turn of events—there is a brief moment where he truly thinks he is about to watch both of his surviving tributes (the children of his once-upon-a-time friends) eat perfectly poisonous berries just to say ‘fuck you’ to the capitol.

the longer i sit with it, the more i think that the saddest (not without some tough fucking competition, obviously) realization about sotr to me is that almost all the tributes really, truly, did not treat the games like they had a chance.

in the original trilogy—and even in The Ballad—the tributes felt like they were genuinely scheming and training and vying to win. with every other games, it seemed like the kids held onto this hope that they would be The One to make it, the one to become victor, even if they didn’t always say it aloud. despite the odds, they clawed as close as they could to victory, even if it meant playing into the capitol’s game and sacrificing their honor or morality.

but in this one? they come into the training rooms expecting to die. even the careers, though they swagger about and act like hot shit, feel younger than the careers have ever felt to me before. they collectively seem more resigned and bitter than in past/future tributes. their motives were all so unified against the capitol in a way that was reminiscent of the 75th games—where half the tributes were already a part of an organized rebellion to begin with.

while the theme of ‘i want to choose how i die, i don’t want the capitol to use me’ is prevalent in every book, this quell felt especially grim and determined. i kept expecting suzanne collins to undermine the camaraderie she gave the Newcomers. i kept expecting someone to decide ‘fuck it, i’m going for it on my own and i’ll backstab whoever i need to to do it.’ i kept expecting betrayal and desperation and a true competition.

but no—like wyatt, knowing his odds and choosing to protect the weaker—like ampert, knowing he’s charming and smart enough to make a decent bid for victor, yet rebelling anyways—like maysilee, knowing she’s near powerless, but spitting in the capitol’s face anytime she can—like all the newcomers, knowing they hardly have a shot, but absolutely refusing to betray one another—

they remained steadfast in their hope to die dignified and honorable, to die fighting against the true enemy, and that makes it so much more heartbreaking.

i just know my iphone autocorrect hates to see a hunger games character coming