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Hello! My name is Kay.

I'm super into The Outsiders right now! Though, I am also into a ton of other movies/series. Requests are open!

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I’ve been thinking about another AU if there is anyone out there who cares. This might be me projecting onto Darry but I could care less at this point. 

That terrible night of Darry’s birthday, only Mr. Curtis goes to get the frosting. He is the only one that dies. Mrs Curtis is safe at home with her boys. She is the one that answers the door to the cops and identifies the body. She calls Darry, who has gone off to college at this point to come home for the funeral. Losing her husband pushes her into a severe depression. She is unable to get out of bed, plan the funeral, and fall back into her normal rhythms of life. She can’t really provide for her children. 

At this time, Tulsa was a highly patriarchal and paternalistic society. Because of this, there would not have been that many ways for her to make money on her own and she certainly would have no way to pay all the house bills. (Not to mention her severe depression) Seeing this, Darry decides to drop out of college and come home to help provide for his family and his grieving mother. He no longer would’ve been able to go to college or pay for it. They’re also would have been many outside influences who would have expected him to support his mother and brothers anyway.

So just like in the book, Darry is the one to take over everything. He keeps everyone’s heads on and tries to save his own mother from her despair. He plans the funeral and takes his fathers old job at the roofing company to help pay bills. His mother is unable to move on. She becomes severely depressed, tired all the time, can’t get out of bed, negative, and overall just crazy with grief. Her husband was everything and now he’s gone.. She doesn’t know how to move on, so Darry takes care of everyone and becomes the authority figure that Mrs Curtis no longer is. 

Seeing how their mothers condition is affecting his brothers, Darry decides to take her to a doctor. This doctor suggests a mental institution that they do not have the money for. But with their newly declined income, they cannot afford to get her the medicine or the treatment that she needs to recover and feel better.  Without these resources, she does not get better. Maybe in this AU, she simply withers away or perhaps kills herself. Either way, she is unable to move on and leaves her children (especially Darry) in a hard position. 

This version to me almost seems more tragic. They only lost one parent, but they essentially did lose two. All three boys have lost their father and now their mother to her grief. Darry is still expected to take care of everyone, only he can’t rely on his mother like he used to and really has nobody to turn to. 

With the way I’m spinning it, I don’t know that this would impact the story that much other than the fact that there would be no custody problems and the boys might resent Darry more because their mother is still alive.

I probably will never end up writing this but let me know what you think or how this would affect the canon events because I really don’t know how it would.

This is the pilot to a long fic I was working on. I don’t know if I’ll end up finishing and posting the rest of it but I wanted to at least put the pilot out there. This might be my summer project when school finishes and I don’t want to kill myself.

This excerpt is the start of my idea I posted a couple days ago about Soda going to Vietnam and Ponyboy starting to protest. Anyway…

Sorry but I am just thinking about Sandy again. 

Maybe one day I will write an AU about her. She is 16 and scared of her daddy who hates her and beats the shit out of her near constantly.  When she gets pregnant with Soda's kid, she doesn't see it as a bad thing, she sees it as an opportunity. She tells her daddy, taking the beating and the money for the bus ticket. Knowing that Soda would follow her and try to marry her, she lies to him. Telling him she's pregnant with another guys kid. That way, he'll never want to speak to her again. 

Despite all her shortcomings and attempts to burn her life in Tulsa to the ground, it doesn't work. He still wants to marry her. Soda also knows everything about her, he knows where she'd go in Florida, he has the god dang address! So she doesn't go to Florida. It's 1968! She goes to the same place everyone was going to run away. California! Out to San Francisco, Haight-Ashbury and the hippie scene. Sandy figures it's a smart choice. After all, the hippie scene is a good place for a runaway to disappear. Not that her Daddy would ever bother to look for her but Sodapop Curtis just might. 

Fast forward a year. She has had the baby, naming him Jack Pepsi after his daddy. It also never ceases to scare her just how much this kid looks like his daddy. She's living in some hippie commune/trap house sort of place, making money as a washerwoman. She's scared and lonely with nobody in the world to help her besides some girl she met. The last straw ends up being when baby Jack gets sick. She realizes that she doesn't have enough money to buy him medicine. She goes around the commune/trap house where she is living and begs the others there for money. They all refuse... except for one man. He wants something in return though. He offers enough money for the medicine (and more) if she prostitutes herself out to him. Seeing there is no other option for her and baby Jack, she does it. 

She spends the rest of the night sick to her stomach, throwing up and disgusted with herself. Immediately buying the medicine the next day to help her baby sleep... finally. She is scared to go back to the commune in fear of seeing this guy she sold herself out to. So she takes the rest of the money and buys herself a bus ticket to New York with some girlfriends who were leaving. 

They had all heard about Woodstock '69 and how they needed volunteers to run the medical tent. The pull? These medical tent volunteers would be fed and housed. Sandy was in. It saved her for a few nights and got her the hell out of San Francisco. 

So she goes to Woodstock, manning the medical tent all the while Jack toddles around her legs as she helps with those tripping on acid.

Here is the catch of it all though. There were a ton of people that went to Woodstock, nearly 400,000. And who did two of those people manage to be? None other than Ponyboy and Sodapop Curtis. Sandy's old lover and father of her baby. Ponyboy took a little too much acid (or something). That boy is definitely a lightweight when it all comes down to it. He's having a bad trip and Soda kind of freaks out so he brings him to the medical tent. 

Sandy is helping someone else when baby Jack toddles up to Ponyboy (who is freaking out) and starts grabbing on his finger. This freaks Ponyboy out even more because that kid looks just like Soda. Soda starts to reassure him until he gets a good look at the kid and realizes that Ponyboy is right. That kid looks just like a Curtis. 

Sandy comes over, probably to get her kid away from this guy who is wacked out on acid when she realizes exactly who she's looking at. She's looking at her past lover and father of her child. Even though he has an ugly hippie beard now and long hair, she'd know that smile anywhere. It's Sodapop Curtis. 

Soda gives her a hug, swinging her around and letting her down before growing upset with her. Is this his kid? And what is she not telling him? They set aside some time to talk. Mostly when she is off her shift and Ponyboy is finally in his mind again and they talk. 

For real. 

Sandy tells him how scared she was of her daddy and having a baby in general. How she didn't want Soda to take the fall for something that was all her fault (that's just what her dad has told her). They manage to make up and Soda tries to convince her to come home. It's pretty easy. Just a promise that she'll never have to see her Daddy again and she's sold. Ponyboy has been living in NYC so there is talk of her moving in with him too. 

I don't know how it will end but it will wrap up nicely with everything going right. 

“Damn girl! How old are you?”

“Old enough to be your babysitter you nasty fucks!”

-Ace after getting catcalled by a group of middle school boys

This idea has been bouncing around my head for the last few days so I thought I'd write it out and see if it's worth anything. I might write it when I have more time but I'd like to hear everyone's thoughts on it. It would be a long fic and it would start two-three yearsish after canon. Anyway... let me know what you think!

It starts when Sodapop gets his draft letter. From there, we get to see all the goodbyes and the heartache. Ponyboy is in college and he starts becoming part of protest groups. During this time in the Vietnam war, college campus protest groups were popping up all over the place. He joins one after meeting this girl in his political science class. Partly because she’s kind of cute and partly because he’s thinking of Soda getting shot at. Meanwhile he's sending letters back-and-forth with his brother anyway. 

As we know in American history, these protests quickly turn violent. For example, the Kent state shootings where four kids were murdered and nine were injured. These kinds of things are happening all over the country. Protests are becoming very violent as fights break out and kids get arrested. Ponyboy keeps going with it, thinking of his brother over in Vietnam. 

The first time he gets arrested is because of a protest. It got rather violent and he was trying to stop a cop from bludgeoning a friend of his to death. They take him down to the station and tell him to cool off in a holding cell. He figures he’ll call Darry in the morning or something because he doesn’t want to bother him. Darry finds out where he is through sheer worry because he never came home. Darry yells at him and stuff and Pony apologizes and promises not to do it again. 

Spoiler alert, he keeps protesting and Darry is always the one picking him up so there's some contention there between those two. Darry is obviously very scared for him and also for the person he is becoming and Pony wants to fight because Soda is still in Vietnam and he feels like it’s the only thing he can do. 

Then Soda dies, he gets shot and killed and that about kills Darry and Ponyboy. Ponyboy goes a little nuts goes a little nuts and Darry doesn’t see him for two weeks. In this time, Ponyboy tries to put together some sort of bombing/very violent protest. It fails and he ends up getting beat half to death and thrown in a jail cell. Darry picks him up from jail and breaks down crying begging Pony to stop throwing his life away. 

Ponyboy nods and smiles and sleeps off whatever acid tablet he popped the night before and gets it in his head that Darry would be better off without him. Realizing he hasn’t been to a single one of his college classes in nearly three or four weeks, he decides to drop out of college and move to New York. He tells Darry his plan and of course there is a full blown argument. 

“You’re just trying to give me what you never had-” and “My future isn’t yours-” Anyway, it ends with Ponyboy storming out and hopping a bus straight to NYC. 

He goes to Woodstock. He takes some acid off some guy and has a really bad trip during Jefferson Airplane's set. Maybe he sees Soda being shot over and over or sits with Johnny while he’s covered in burns. Possibly even seeing those two begging him to save them as they’re covered in blood and burns. Either way, it’s really bad. Some guy drags him to the medical tent where he is taken care of this really nice woman with a child that is three years old. He gets really freaked out by how much the kid looks like Soda. The kid's name? Rainbow Pepsi McGill. He quickly realizes that the woman taking care of him is Sandy. She did have Soda’s kid all those years ago. She never cheated, she just needed to go where Soda couldn’t follow. Maybe they go to lunch and talk about everything and Ponyboy deems it too painful to continue talking to her. Because of all the acid in his system, he keeps getting freaked out because of how much the kid looks like Soda. He ends up running out of the lunch and leaving Sandy alone.

After this, he heads back to NYC, crashing at some drifter friend's house to sleep off whatever happened to him. The next day the friend kicks him out because he wants to spend time with his girlfriend or something like that and Pony is left to wander the city. 

He’s wandering around (not using his head) when he wanders into a black neighborhood. He starts getting weird looks and even a couple of stray comments when he notices what he walked into. Right as he’s about to get beat up a woman runs in and intervenes. Who is it? 

Ace freaking Evans. Because apparently I can't write a story without incorporating her anymore because I love her so much. I literally wrote 60,000 words as a testament to how much I love her. 

Turns out she has been living in NYC since she graduated high school with a couple of girls she met at a church on the corner border of Oklahoma and Missouri. She just got back from none other than the Harlem cultural festival. She looks good in her mini skirts with a big afro and her girl friends surrounding her. She pulls Ponyboy into a tight hug, squeezing the living daylights out of him before promptly smacking the shit out of him.

“You know Darry is worried sick about you!” She yelled at him before he looks up at her meekly and doesn’t say anything. Ace then notices how bad he seems to look and she tells her girlfriends to take a hike before pulling him into some restaurant to cool off. They spend time reconnecting and catching up. They both didn’t know that the other made it out of Tulsa. Ponyboy didn’t think that Ace would take Soda’s death as hard as him but she did. I mean… she basically cuts off contact with the entire gang except for Steve at the point. 

Ponyboy hasn’t talked to Darry in about six months at this point, disappearing off the face of the earth. Darry had been tracking down every hood on the East Side to try and find him because we forget, Darry lost Soda too and he’s struggling. Right now Ponyboy is his only blood family left. Ace knows this, Darry calls her weekly to make sure he hasn’t seen him and also to make sure Ace is doing okay. He misses her a whole hell of a lot, even if she won’t tell him where she is. 

But anyway, Ponyboy stays at Ace’s for the night and she manages to put his head back on straight and get him to call Darry. He finally does, Ponyboy apologizes for arguing and disappearing and immediately Darry wants to see him. From here, it all gets wrapped up really nicely. Maybe Ponyboy goes back to Oklahoma or maybe Darry comes up to NYC. Either way they see each other and everyone can start to heal. 

If anybody cares, I made a playlist for all the songs on the Heavenly Nobodies fan fiction. I have read it four full times now and it is so good. Making and listening to this playlist made me so happy. I may make a playlist of my own song based on the girls of the outsiders. We will see though.

Johnny's Killer (Part 4)

Part 3 Linked Here

Soda was discharged from the hospital over three days ago. According to the doctors, his head was going to be foggy for a little while. This was just until the drugs fully exited his system. Darry had scheduled him to start appointments with an addiction counselor from the V.A. next Saturday. He didn’t know how excited Soda was about it, but at this point, he didn’t really care. They really couldn’t keep doing this. 

Right now, they were in the truck on the way to the cemetery. Things had been awfully quiet since Soda had told them that he killed Johnny in Vietnam. Darry and Ponyboy had tried not to bring it up. Darry knew it was harder for Ponyboy since he couldn’t stand the thought of Soda feeling guilty for something that wasn’t his fault at all. Especially since Ponyboy had been the one to watch Johnny take his last breath. Despite everything Soda thought. 

“Think we could go to Miss Anne’s after this?” Ponyboy asked, breaking the silence in the car. “I’ve been dying for some of their pancakes since I left for college.” 

“After what?” Soda asks and Darry feels a small hint of guilt at keeping him in the dark over this, but he can’t afford to chicken out. Not when he needs to realize that he shouldn’t be feeling guilt over this. Neither of the boys answer and they just keep driving. “After what?” Soda asks again. 

“You’ll see.” Is all that Pony can say. So they drive in relative silence. The only sound being Soda’s off key singing to the radio. The funny thing was that Darry knew he could actually sing, but since when was it practical for a hood to know how to sing? 

Darry had purposely taken a different road. Though Soda wasn’t crazy, he was hardly stable and often sick with guilt. If he knew where they were going, Darry thought he might try to jump out of the moving truck or something. They couldn’t afford that. Then they pulled to the gates of the cemetery. 

“Darry, what are we doing?” Soda had a hint of fear in his voice. “Why are we here?” He sounded nervous and Darry hated it more than anything. 

“Just thought we’d come and see Momma and Dad.” 

“Yeah? Who else we trynna see?” He spat, turning a little mean. 

“Soda, just come on.” Darry admonished, trying to soften his voice.

“It’s okay, we just thought we’d see Momma and Daddy.” 

“Yeah? Like I believe that for a second.” Darry and Ponyboy both got out of the car. Darry opened the door for Soda and helped him to his feet. “Y’all are a bunch of liars.” He spat, still letting Darry lead him down the walkway to their parents' grave. Ponyboy on the other side as all three boys sat down in front of their parents. 

“Hey guys.” Ponyboy said softly. He was always the biggest talker of any of them. Telling Momma and Dad everything from what he’d eaten for breakfast to what was going on at school. Darry usually just sat quietly, thinking about the times that they had sat as a family at dinner and listened to Ponyboy’s chatter. 

Soda was a different story. Since their parents died, Soda had always had a hard time at their grave. It started with him never wanting to go. He claimed he was too busy or anything else he could say to get out of it. Darry was always a little hurt. Since their untimely death, he had always regarded his parents with a solemn reverence that he thought they deserved. Even Ponyboy talked about their parents more than Soda. One night, Darry had finally managed to ask him what the deal was. 

“Fine! You wanna know why? I didn’t say good last things to ‘em Darry.”

“What? What the hell are you on about?” 

“Last time I talked to ‘em, it was a fight. I told them I hated them. It ain’t true, but it’s the last thing I ever said.”

That guilt had been eating him up since their death. He couldn’t bear to see them. Then Ponyboy and Darry had made him go. They’d made him sit in front of their grave and face them and say all the things he’d been too scared to say before. 

Now they were going to do the same thing with Johnny. 

“But don’t worry, Soda’s okay now…” Pony kept talking and Darry was quiet. Soda had jumped up, unable to sit still, pacing the small grass patch in front.

“Soda come over here.” Darry whispered, grabbing at his loose pants. Soda jerked away and kept pacing. Darry didn’t push, he wouldn’t, not yet at least. 

“It sure scared the hell outta all of us though.” Pony said, scratching his head as he updated them on the latest. 

“Pony, they don’t want to fucking hear about that.” Soda spat suddenly, turning to them as he tugged his hands through his hair. 

“They wouldn’t want to hear you swearin’ neither but here we are.” Pony snapped back with just as much sass. 

“Okay you two, they ain’t gonna wanna hear y’all fight.” They were both quiet after that, Pony finishing the story of how Soda almost died mere days ago and Soda just pacing the grass and biting at his nails. 

The brothers stayed for a bit longer, Soda growing more nervous by the minute. Ponyboy ended the little catch up session by putting daisies on his Momma's grave. He’d always been such a Momma’s boy. Then they all stood, Darry and Ponyboy giving each other a knowing glance. 

This was going to be hard. 

Darry looped an arm around Soda’s shoulders, leading him up the hill to where Johnny and Dallas were buried. 

The last time Darry had been here was Johnny's last birthday when he’d come with Ponyboy. Soda had been in Vietnam then and Ponyboy didn’t have anyone to go with. So Darry had come with him and watched as Pony left flowers, a book, and just talked to him. He didn’t know the last time Soda had gone. Probably the funeral if they were being honest. 

“Darry…” Soda said, his eyes filling with panic.  “I told you… I told you I didn’t want to see him.” 

“I know.” Darry just tightened his arm around Soda’s shoulder. “It’ll be good for you to see him though.”

“I don’t wanna Darry.” He says, sounding like a little kid and Darry just brings him over. Ponyboy following close behind. 

The gravestones were in sight and they were about ten feet away. Soda dug his heels in, stopping his walk and letting Darry slink back with him. 

“I told you already Darry. I’m not gonna see him, not after what I did.” 

“Soda…”

“You didn’t kill him!” Pony said and Darry shot him a look. He was going to have to keep his cool if they were going to finish this. “Why would he be buried here if you had killed him?” Soda didn’t have an answer. 

“Come on, little buddy. Just talk to him.” Soda’s eyes flashed wildly as Darry began to pull him to the gravestones. He wasn’t fighting Darry but he wasn’t making it easy. Soon they were right in front of the graves, Pony putting down flowers. 

“I killed him, Darry! It was me!” He burst out. “I know he should be in Vietnam but I killed him!” 

“No you didn’t.” Ponyboy said through gritted teeth. “Soda, how could you have killed him? There was no way you could have killed him!” That set Soda off, he was throwing punches and wildly trying to make a run for it. 

“Soda…” Darry grunted trying to straddle him to the ground. Soda was still pretty weak from his stint in the hospital, despite the muscle he’d put on in the army. Pony helped and they were both quickly able to get him to the ground. He was crying and gasping, flailing around as he tried to get free. 

“I can’t see him, Darry! I can’t see him! I killed him! I did this to him!” He gasped out. 

“You gotta breathe buddy.” He heard Pony say. Pony was lying closer to his head, stroking his hair and flashing looks back to Darry. “Breathe, we ain’t goin’ anywhere.” Soda was pulling shaky breathes in and Darry was worried he might pass out or something. 

“Pony…” His eyes closed, wet tears hanging on his lashes. “I’m sorry… I killed your best friend… I’m sorry…” Ponyboy hitched a breath in. Darry could tell he was frustrated. 

“Just keep breathin’. You’re alright.” Soda’s soft sobs dissolved into receded cries. That’s when Pony spoke. The same thing that Darry and he had talked about till one in the morning last night. They had a plan and a strategy. This was the optimal place to do it. Holding Soda down on top of Johnny’s grave. 

“Hey Johnny.” Pony said softly and Soda hiccuped. “I know it’s been a little bit man, but we just came to say happy birthday.” Darry didn’t want to interrupt, he hadn’t the last time they’d come. Johnny and Pony always had a relationship he didn’t quite understand. “You’d be nineteen today. That’s crazy to me, that’s a big birthday.” Soda was still crying and Darry was rubbing his back. 

“It’s good to see you kid. I remember your thirteenth birthday when Dallas stole you that lighter. We all went to the roller rink. It was a good day Johnnycake. We sure miss you.”

Pony picked it up from there. Chattering on from memory to memory. Recounting lots of things that he remembered and things that Darry didn't even know happened. As much as he missed Johnny, he was sure Pony missed him more. It was his best friend. Soda was calming down, slowly resigned to having his face pressed into the grass as he breathed shakily. Sensing that, Pony began the next phase of their plan. Handing it to Soda. 

“Yeah, Soda was just talkin’ ‘bout you buddy. I think he has some things to say to you.” They slowly started to let Soda up from his place on the ground. He sat up slowly and hugged his knees to his chest. Darry could have sworn he looked just like a little kid right now. He took a deep breath in and began. 

“Johnny…” His voice broke. “I’m sorry. You were our friend… Pony’s best friend. I’m sorry for ruining everything.”

“Soda,” Pony started gently, putting a hand on his back. “You see the year on the gravestone? That was two years before you even went to Vietnam. There’s no way you could have touched him over there.” 

“Johnnys buried under us?” 

“Yeah bud.” Darry said. “He was put in the ground before you even left.” 

“I didn’t kill him?” 

“No, course not.” Pony said definitively. 

“Who did I kill then?” Neither of the brothers answered. “I killed someone, if it wasn’t Johnny then it was someone else.”

“Probably just an enemy soldier.” Darry said, daring to answer the question. He really didn’t want Soda to get worked up again, especially with how hard it was for him to tell reality from fantasy. “You were helping your squad.” 

“I killed a lot of people over there… But I didn’t kill Johnny?” He said it like a question and Ponyboy nodded slowly. 

“No, you didn’t kill Johnny. There was no way you would have been able to. He was already dead.” Ponys voice broke a little and Darry’s heart just about shattered. 

“Why did I think it was Johnny?” 

“I don’t know, the mind plays tricks on us. You probably misremembered.” Soda looked the smallest he’d ever looked since he’d gotten back. 

“I still killed someone.” Darry was trying his hardest to be patient. “I killed lots of people over there Darry.”

“Yeah, you did. But it’s okay. It was war and war is hell and you did what you had to Sodapop. You said it yourself, that guy would have killed you or your soldiers.” 

“He was just a kid though.” 

“A kid that would have killed you.” Soda let out a shaky sigh, tears filling his eyes again. 

“He was still a kid.”

“Nobody here is blaming you for what you had to do out there Soda. Pony and me? We understand. We knew what the deal was when you got drafted. You were going to go over there and be forced to survive and we agreed that we’d be fine with it as long as you came home.”

“You kept that promise, Soda. You made it home and you did what you had to do.”

“You’re not mad?” He flicked his lashes at Ponyboy, looking utterly broken. 

“How could I be mad when you’re here? You made it home Soda. Plenty of other guys who didn’t do the hard thing and they died over that because of that. I could never be mad at you.” Then Pony shifted over, throwing an arm around his brother. Soda reciprocated, pulling Ponyboy to him and the two hugged each other. 

“I couldn’t stay.” Soda said softly, he was crying again. The doctor said that might be a problem, he might have bad emotional regulation for a little while as the drugs exited his system fully. “I couldn't be one of those guys who stayed in Vietnam, I knew I was gonna get out.” 

“And you did everything you could to get back to us.” Darry said. “We will always be grateful for that.” The three sat quietly on the grass for a while. Just holding onto each other and pretending not to cry. 

“Johnny?” Soda asked timidly. “Are we good?” He waited a minute before looking at Ponyboy. 

“I think you two are just fine, Soda.”

“Should we go?” 

“Yeah.” Soda said softly, rubbing at his eyes. Darry wrapped his arms around his kid brothers as they made their way to the truck. 

“I’m proud of you two.” 

“Yeah?” Pony said, the ghost of a smile playing on his lips. “What for?” 

“For making it. You two beat every odd.”

“Yeah we did.” Pony said. 

“Yeah…” Soda slaps his back. “I guess we really fuckin’ did.”

Thanks for reading!

“Oh Sandy, you know I could never be mad at ya.” Sandy couldn’t help the relief that flowed through her body with those words. Even though she had felt guilty for the way she left things with Sodapop, it was nothing compared to the way she felt about leaving things with Evie. Evie had been with her through all of it, and she hadn’t bothered with more than a hasty goodbye. “Even if Sodapop knew the half of it, he would never understand.” Evie says softly, “Sandy, you did what you had to do and I ain’t blaming you for it. Not one bit.”

“Okay.” Sandy spoke softly into the phone receiver. “I didn’t mean to make such a mess of things.”

“I know you didn’t and if I had the money, I’d be jumping on the first bus to Florida. But I don’t, so you just gotta sit tight for a while. Promise you'll call if you need anything?”

“I will.” Her voice is weak to the receiver. How did she come by a friend as good as Evie?

Jackson Cage - Sandy and Soda

You can try with all your might But you're reminded every night That you've been judged and handed life Down in the Jackson cage

Sandy’s hands were shaking as she dialed the numbers she’d come to memorize into the receiver. Her stomach gave a turn as she listened to the line ring. What if this was the wrong thing?

“Hello?” Too fucking late for that now. Sandy couldn’t say anything for a moment, she knew that it wasn’t Sodapop on that line. “Hello?” 

“Hey… hey, is Sodapop there?” 

“Sandy?” That was Darry. “You got a lot of nerve callin’ here after what went down.” He said angrily. “Letter returned unopened? Real mature. You broke my kid brother’s heart and-” Sandy felt like sobbing, even though she knew she deserved this, She didn’t want to listen to it anymore, Soda had to know. He couldn’t be kept in a lie anymore. “You returned all the letters and now you have the nerve to call after what? 12 months?” Of course it had been that long, she had meticulously counted and waited to call… to explain everything. “Well I got some news for ya, he’s moved on.” 

“Just let me talk to him, Darry. I owe him that much.” 

“You owe him a lot fuckin’ more than that.”

“I know… just let me…” Her voice was quiet and weak and she hated herself for it. “Just let me talk to him.” 

“Fine, but you do anything and I won’t hesitate to hang up this phone.” 

“Okay.” She agreed. She would agree as long as she was able to talk to Sodapop. Sandy listened intently as the muffled voices of the Curtis brothers filled the end of her telephone. 

“Hello?” Finally, Her body swayed with relief at that voice. 

“Hey Sodapop.” 

“Sandy? What’s goin’ on? Darry’s in a fit.” His voice sounded strained albeit kind, something she didn’t expect. Though she didn’t know what she expected. She halfway expected him to be angry, that's what her Daddy had been. Angry and violent, but Soda was never the type to get violent with her. Not like her Daddy. 

“I’m sorry.” She managed to choke out, feeling tears prick her eyes. “I’m sorry about the way everything happened. I hope you know that.” She heard him sigh over the phone. 

“It really hurt me Sandy… I mean between you cheating and all of the other stuff that I didn’t even know about? It just… it sucked.” 

“I know. That’s why I’m calling. I want to clear everything up. I heard about my Daddy.” She didn’t know if Sodapop had known, but her Daddy was dead. She’d heard from Evie, who still managed to find time to call her on the phone once a week. Her Daddy had died, some alcohol related death. Probably drunk driving or got bludgeoned to death. Sandy didn’t care either way, it was a big relief. 

“Yeah, Evie told me. What difference does that make?” She bit her lip. There were so many ways she had envisioned herself telling him. She had thought it through countless times, all the different ways he could react. All the different ways she might say it to soften the blow. She thought she was preparing herself, in the end… She just said it. 

“I lied about some other things Soda. You have a son.” She whispered the second part. Her head was swimming and her hands were shaking. She knew that nothing could happen over the phone but she still tensed, waiting for the blow. 

“What?” His voice sounded broken, completely lost. “But you… It was some other guys…” She shook her head, knowing that he couldn’t see her. 

“No… it wasn’t. I lied. There was no other guy, it was just you.” 

“What… Why?” Sandy figured he had a right to that question. After everything she put him through, he deserved the truth.

“I thought it would be easier.” She started, words falling from her mouth like blood as she tried to explain her stupid thinking from twelve months ago. “I thought it would be easier if I lied. I thought you wouldn’t call or send anything and I could disappear. That’s what I wanted at first. It was all my fault and I just wanted to just disappear. I wanted to disappear from my Daddy. He would have killed me Sodapop and the baby too. And if he knew you were the father? He would have killed you too.”

“Sandy…”

“No, I just... I didn’t want to trap you into anything.” 

“Well it’s my baby too, you wouldn’t be trapping me for something that was just as much my fault as it is yours. We talked about if this happened. We had a plan and then-”

“I just didn’t think with your brothers-”

“That’s the thing you could never understand Sandy.” Sodapop said, watery and broken. “I woulda had enough love for all of you guys. My heart doesn’t just say the same size, my heart grows to fit everyone.” 

“I’m sorry.” She said, broken and unsure of what else to say. 

“It’s okay. You were scared.” Sodapop had always been forgiving. He had already forgiven her. Something she didn’t feel she deserved. “I knew what kind your Daddy was. I woulda been scared too with a Daddy like yours breathin’ down my neck.”

“I couldn’t tell him that it was you Soda. I was scared he’d go after you. Maybe kill you. There were so many things I was scared about. I was scared that if you knew, then he’d know too and everything would be so much more messed up than now.” 

“I know baby, I know. But you don’t gotta be sacred anymore. We can still make this work. Where are you?” Her breath hitched, she should tell him. Shouldn’t she? What was he planning though? Was he going to ride all the way to Florida and marry her? 

“Soda… Don’t jump to any conclusions. We can just start slowly again.”

“I want to be involved Sandy. Where are you?” 

“I’m in Florida, living with my grandparents. Milton is what the city is called.” 

“I want to come and see you.”

“You don’t have to. I just wanted you to know the truth, Soda. We’ve been managing just fine by ourselves.” 

“It ain’t all your fault Sandy. This is on both of us and I’m sorry you had to do it alone.” Leave it up to Soda to apologize for something that was all her fault.

“I’m sorry too. I’m sorry that I lied and went off to Florida and had the baby by myself and kept everything from you. I just… I couldn’t let him hurt you too.” 

“It’s okay. He’s gone now… What’s the kid’s name?” Sandy smiled, thinking of the baby in the next room. The only reason she still wanted to live. 

“It’s a boy, he was born four months ago. I named him Jack, after my grandpa.” 

“I love it.” He said softly. 

“He looks just like his daddy.” She said gently, knowing it was a bit of a stretch to play with his heartstrings like that but tugging on them nonetheless.

“Me?” 

“Yeah you.” They both sat quietly, Sandy feeling naked after laying all her admissions out on the space in between them. 

“I’m sorry for returning the letters unopened. I couldn’t write back. He was watching my every move.” 

“It’s okay. You gotta address that I can use to write to you now?” 

“Yeah, you gotta pencil?” He scrambles for one and she gives him the address as well as the phone number. 

“Can I plan a time to come see you and Jack?” She knows what he’s asking. Soda wants to fix things. He wants to fix things between them. “I don’t want Jack to grow up without a Daddy.” 

“Me either.” She says softly, thinking about her own Daddy and the horrors he inflicted upon her. “Yeah, you can plan a time. Maybe… If it’s too hard, I could also come to Tulsa? I know Evie wants to see me and if that would be okay-”

“Yeah!” He says excitedly. “Either way Sandy, I just wanna see you and the baby.” 

“Okay.” She says, feeling lighter than she has in a while. The lie between her and Sodapop was the only one left to straighten out. “I wanna see you too. I’m just… I’m really sorry.” 

“It’s okay. I didn’t know all that was goin’ on Sandy.” 

“Yeah.” Sodapop was never the perfect boyfriend. He was always hyperactive and clumsy, getting into more trouble than he should but Sandy never doubted his love for her. She also knew motherhood had changed her, she wanted Jack to grow up with a Daddy like Sodapop. “Thank Soda.” 

“Course baby, see you soon?” He sounded hopeful and Sandy had always hated to let him down. 

“Yeah, see you soon.”

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