RadenWA is honestly a hero for these

they're got even more than these, too!

maybe i should stop trying to reach out to people only to get lukewarm (not their fault, anything that isn't overly ecstatic for an act or accomplishment I didn't even tell them meant a lot to me, is considered "lukewarm" in my pathetic, needy brain) responses that just make me feel more upset and more worried they are all annoyed by my attempts to reach out and connect. maybe i should just. enjoy things on my own right now, and maybe eventually someone will show interest/enjoyment in me without me having to jump through hoops, and instead i see them won over by something candid and earnest and aligns with who I already am and how I already act. and maybe i should be focusing on the people and places i am already confident care about me. so then i realize if these new people don't really like me, it's not the end of the world, and im still worth something. and maybe i should remember that its a big group and an old one, and most people are just excited to be hanging out with their older friends, and it is nothing personal if they dont flock to me to reassure me i have a place here.

just an update on this. im doing way better. i did what I said I would, and just focused on doing my thing, instead of overanalyzing if it would make me fit in. Because I stopped looking for hidden signs that people found me annoying, I could finally notice how people are starting to warm up to me.

Emphasis on *starting*. Nobody becomes best of friends over night and I think I forgot about that. I'm learning that can be a good thing.

You can't skip to the "good part", but the moments that build up to it are so so precious too. Right now I can just. Look foreward to what could happen, and dream a little. Enjoy the "journey". This community has been nothing but green flags and I think something great is going to happen here (well it already, is but I think there's still so much more potential!). I am excited to be there for every step of it's blossoming.

I'm finally savoring the present moment, instead of worrying about how these moments will get me to my destination.

why the fuck is it every time i think of doing lore or i mention a lore idea or i DO lore with someone my brain is just like: "Is this allowed.Am I allowed to do this. Is this ok.Do you all hate me.Should I just go.ummmm.um am i doing bad. is this bad.can i do this.is this ok.should i go away.do you guys want me to leave." my social anxiety needs to shut the FUCK UP.

ogughgh. i think it should get better with time tho. today was like a really big event and there were sooo many ppl i hadnt met before so. i felt like i dropped the ball today. but i think i will do better from now on if i do like, simpler interactions and stuff. Todays event was so chaotic and it was only my 2nd time doing lore on the server so! I think I did ok with the situation i was in! I just wasnt set up to succeed that time.

✨A gentle lamb bleats in a single call, sweetly, meekly. The wind carries its voice through the fluttering of leaves and over mountain tops, across meadows where baby deer dwell under the shadow of their mothers.

Precious lambs you are, Sweet whispers...✨

[IMAGE DESCRIPTION: Two beautiful dark skinned sisters who are twins are seen looking softly at the viewer, resting in a meadow like area. They are wearing long white dresses. with short puffy sleeves on their shoulders. One sister relaxes her head on her sister's lap while the other supports her sisters head. A little baby lamb also lay beside the twins, one ear up while the other ear is down. The lamb's white wool almost blends into the white dress's the sisters are wearing. In the background,the sky is a soft shade of baby blue, no clouds are visible. And there is a mountain in the background that stretches to both sides of the picture and a few trees at a distance.]

I'm so glad QSMP got reset because all the Hispanic streamers have been active. Like if you'd told me a month ago Roier, Quackity, Missa, Rivers and MARIANA were gonna be ONLINE?? PLAYING ON THE QSMP?? EVEN LUZU???