Six months since I've began using a cane and been officially seen as disabled and I've never been filled with so much RAGE. EVERYTHING'S WRONG AND FUCKED AND NO ONE CARES ABOUT IT. FUCK.

Just found out you can see which email address was used to write a word doc and I want to die. Thankfully I used my safe fake name and not my FAKE fake name, or else my friend could find my tumblr and my ao3 account and all of my internet personality and I don't wanna think about what I would have to do if that happened.

Apparently the Venn diagram between tumblr users and aro/ace people is a fucking circle

“I just don't wanna get limited to a walking cane, you know”

Says the guy who absolutely needs a mobility aid, to the girl who uses a walking cane every. single. day.

Always thinking about how unloved 13-year-old me felt, not knowing her future version would hold so much love for that girl that she would wish to go back in time just to hold her closer.

Maybe the real accessibility was the kind staff we met along the way

There’s something so bitter about being a bookworm in a reading slump.

Here’s my hobby, my favorite thing to do in the world, my main personality trait. And I still love it. I still want it.

But I

Just

Can't

A little detail I love about Past Shauna is how she bonds with Javi. It's so subtle, but she's always close to him, making sure he's alright. It shows a maternal instinct from the beginning, and only makes it worse that she was the one to cut him open in the end.

I'm so sick of healthy, abled-bodied people acting all surprised when they learn how strict my routine is. “Oh I could never do that, I don't have that much willpower haha.” It’s not willpower bitch, it’s fear!!!!! If you had real-life, painful, immediate consequences for your bad decision you would be running to get in line too!

Love the female rage bleeding through Yellowjackets. The anger, the magic, the messy hairs and ripped clothes, the violence, the dirt, the bruises, the fear, the devotion. I can't remember another piece of media that portrayed the agony and messiness of girls so perfectly.

Being aroace as a teenager feels like being the only sober person at a rave.

I think it’s very misleading how we always see the pictures and portraits of important figures only once they were old. It makes it look like they were that age as they made everything, but it’s false. Many of America's founding fathers were in their 20s in 1776. Tolkien was in his 30s while writing The Hobbit. Queen Elizabeth was 27 when crowned. Mary Shelley wrote Frankenstein at 19. Emily Bronte was 29 when Wuthering Heights came out. Einstein was 33 when he came up with the theory of static gravitational fields. Joan of Arc was only 19 when she died. Jesus was 33.

There were never the man in their 60s making history. It was us.

Nina Zenik

I can´t remember any other bigger character being handled quite as well as Nina. She´s curvy, she´s big, and she´s always, repeatedly described as beautiful and attractive. Not despite her weight. Not even though she was fat. But gorgeous exactly as she is.

And then, she´s shown as having a soft spot for food. As loving food. And that´s never seen as a bad thing. It´s just an interesting trait that she possesses. It´s so casual that, once she starts to get sick about the loss of her powers, her lack of appetite concerns her friends.

The fact that she´s not eating as much is concerning.

As someone who has struggled with body image and enjoying food without guilt, this is so fucking big.

Hyperfixation

Ever since I started using tumblr I just keep getting amazed by how visual my hyper fixations got.

Like, I knew I sometimes get focused on a specific topic, but dear lord there are 50 posts about the same book how the fuck did I get here.

And then the next week there are more 50 posts about a DIFFERENT BOOK. LIKE THE FIRST ONE NEVER EXISTED IN THE FIRST PLACE.

Nina and Inej

They´re girls. And they´re friends. And they support each other. And there´s never a moment of jealousy when Inej finds out she´s not the only girl in the group anymore. Just love. And support. My heart´s gonna explode.

Good Writing

One thing that struck me while reading Six of Crows and the Crooked Kingdon was just how good the writing was. Not only the writing itself, as in the words used, but the entire construction of the narrative was refreshing,

The characters are complex, unique, and diverse in a way that never feels forced. They are all flawed, deeply broken, and borderline problematic, but you never doubt that they can be better. It´s so easy to see the main characters described as heroes, the good guys that would always choose to save the world, but I love how they are allowed to be mean. How they are shown as cruel sometimes, how their boundaries are not as completely settled as we would like to think.

The Crows' determination to prove themselves as the worst people you could ever come across is, by itself, enough to make them interesting. And that´s why I love that book.