Paige's Ponderings

@livrelady / livrelady.tumblr.com

Est. 2015. No side blogs, we die like men. 20s. She/Her. California. Democrat. ISFJ, Badger Primary Bird Secondary, 2w1, 259, Cancer, Lawful Good. Basically I have a lot of feelings, ok? I'm just a marshmallow

I don’t even know how to respond to claims that feminism “failed women” by “making them work” anymore because it’s just so goddamn stupid. Quickest way to tell me you have no understanding of history, economics, or how society functions in general. And I know some posts you see like this on social media are intentional psyops by men attempting to sabotage feminist consciousness, but a lot of people believe this shit in real life too!! Sometimes it feels like no matter how much progress we as women make in the face of many thousands of years of systemic global oppression, we’re still required to constantly rebuke the same canned antifeminist narratives that have persisted since the first woman said “hey women are human too and deserve the chance to be educated and participate in government”

I wonder how often "I wish my boyfriend could pay all the bills while I do all the housework" really means "we split the goddamn bills 50/50 but I'm the one doing ALL the goddamn housework, what's up with that?"

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I was tagged by @brynnmclean for WIP Wednesday! I will tag, hmm, @kareenvorbarra, @ncfan-1, @veliseraptor, and anyone else who wants to do it!

I discovered a handwritten section of the Kevin Riley POV part of the femslash Spirk AU, after he snapped and told his friends in engineering the real reason he'd known Captain Kirk before setting foot on the Enterprise. It follows roughly from this scrap:

It was more vivid in his mind, more consuming, almost more visible than his friends or the mess hall. Jess's thin, bony body hardly cushioned their scramble down the bluff, each stumble and fall reverberating through him. He felt like his own bones might rattle right through him, his teeth chattering. She adjusted her grip on his back and legs after the final leap to the ground. Everything ached, but he clung to her with all the strength he still had, arms tight around her neck. He hadn't wanted to see anything else—Kevin remembered that with perfect clarity, a flicker of shame almost pulling him back to himself, to the Lieutenant Kevin Riley sitting lost among his friends on the Enterprise. But not quite. Even more strongly, he felt her dry skin against his face as he pressed his nose into her shoulder, ignoring the poking of her collarbone. She was moving again, but not running as his parents had done—creeping, more like. Then cooler shade fell over his skin as Jess dashed forwards, then held still again, back and forth in those strange bursts. "Hey," she whispered, pausing behind something that cast a larger, cooler shadow over his eyelids and flesh. "Hey. What's your name?" He squeezed his eyes shut. "Kevin," he managed to mumble into her shoulder. Even that much, or little, felt like he was choking on it. His own name. "Okay, Kevin," she said. His memory wasn't perfect, but he knew she'd added something like: "I'm going to have to set you down for a sec—" He was already shaking his head. But she told him to hold her hand as she pried his smaller fingers away from the nape of her neck and set him down. They crouched in the shelter of a large boulder, the last of the big ones between the bluff and the little stretch of woods beyond them. But it was far smaller than the bluff itself had been, where he'd thought himself safe and watched the governor's men—Kodos— His breaths came in quick, panicked gasps. Every instinct screamed at him to run as fast as he could on his short, knobbly legs, run, run, hide, escape. But Jess's hand had already grasped his far too tightly for that. Scrawny as she was, she still had a much stronger grip than he could have broken even if he'd wanted to try. And it felt—it had felt like the clasp of her fingers was the only thing tying his shivering body to the living world around them. He was cold beyond anything he could have described, then or ever again.
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Thinking about the SW prequels versus the original trilogy again and I was trying to come up with a "Binary Sunset" equivalent moment within "The Phantom Menace". You know that moment where Luke stands alone on Tatooine before his adventure begins, looking off into the darkening horizon, and the music swells with all of these unspoken emotions?

Watching "A New Hope" after watching the prequel trilogy is interesting, because the original film is a lot slower in many ways. It allows the viewer to really sit in this fantasy world, appreciate its unfamiliar details, and think about what the characters must be feeling without being directly told. While I don't think that TPM should try to copy ANH beat for beat by any means, I do think that the prequel trilogy, especially TPM, could have used more scenes that let the actors and the music work to impress upon us that kind of emotional interiority.

For example, Obi-Wan is given a stunning lack of emotional focus throughout TPM, up UNTIL his solo battle against Darth Maul and his grief urging him to take on Anakin as an apprentice afterwards. It's good that we have those moments, and yet I don't think the battle hits as hard as it could have if we'd been offered scenes beforehand that told and showed us more about who young Obi-Wan was and how he felt about what was going on, so that we cared a little more about his deep personal loss, especially given that the Obi-Wan and Anakin later relationship is an emotional core of the trilogy's tragedy. Obi-Wan spends a lot of TPM as just "that guy standing next to Qui-Gon", leaving fans to turn to novelizations and their own assumptions for a little more depth, which I think is poor filmmaking.

Padmé receives perhaps even worse treatment than Obi-Wan in regards to her emotional interiority early on. (Especially in "Attack of the Clones", which is so focused on how Anakin feels about everything that it's hard to know from the films alone why Padmé as a specifically flawed person might find him appealing, making what could be a deliciously ill-advised affair of passion and need for comfort much more one-sided and flatter (and sexist) than it could have been.) You could even argue that TPM really ought to be "Padmé's" movie, in that it's her homeworld under attack, for which she (despite being a child) has been made responsible. Her desperation, her fear, her anger, is manipulated to put a future Sith Emperor in a position of power. The Jedi are helping her, yes, but it's Padmé relentlessly driving the plot forward.

Instead of being relegated to more of a supporting character position, I think Padmé should have been given some of those slow "protagonist" moments in TPM to showcase her emotional state, specifically a scene that would have been the rough equivalent of Luke returning to the destroyed farm after the stormtroopers attacked. Padmé's party manages to escape Naboo without the film ever really dwelling on the violence, which is yet another missed opportunity. TPM ends up treating war a lot more comedically than the shootouts and climatic dogfights of ANH.

I think it would have kicked ass if the fight to get the queen on an escape ship had been even harder. The queen is hustled onboard, the ship takes off, and then we see one of the handmaidens (Padmé) rush to the window to watch as another wave of attack rushes over her city, her people. The prequel trilogy is tonally all over the place, so it's nice to imagine another version of TPM setting the tone with its own version of the "Binary Sunset" moment in which a devastated Padmé silently looks out over a horizon that's falling to pieces. Fire reflected in her eyes and everything. With the music swelling grandly with the unforgettable, life-ruining horror of war already begun.

If I had to put a "Binary Sunset" moment in the prequels, that's where I'd put it and who I'd give it to. Young Luke still has an entire heroic future ahead of him, but young Padmé is going to helplessly watch everything she cares about be destroyed by powers far greater than her.

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It's honestly both hilarious and delightful to me to contrast Kirk's perspectives on being shoved into a parental role in "Charlie X" and "The Changeling."

Like, in "Charlie X," a literal if isolated and quite awful human teenage boy desperately latches onto Kirk as an idealized paternal figure. Kirk very evidently is like "I'm not his goddamn father >:(" and is just viscerally uncomfortable with the idea of occupying a specifically paternal role, but the others point out that Charlie does really need a father figure in this difficult moment and Kirk needs to step up. And then as the plot advances and Charlie becomes this godling threat, Kirk's fatherly image is about all that's preventing him from doing even worse, so Kirk has to keep uncomfortably asserting paternal authority until Charlie is returned to his incorporeal guardians.

This discomfort could be attributed to the retconned David Marcus backstory, but... movie Kirk is a very different character from TOS Kirk in my opinion, with only occasional exceptions (I like both, I just can't see them as fully the same person). And personally, as someone fond of the movies but a lot fonder of TOS, I think it's less interesting to always force later soft reboot characterization backwards onto TOS than it is to consider how TOS was characterizing Kirk in the first place (given that he was never remotely suggested to be a literal father; the closest thing to it was his amnesiac marriage in the third season that led to his wife's pregnancy and miscarriage).

I think it's a lot more interesting to think about why he was established early on as so uneasy with taking on a temporary paternal role to a teenage boy who was desperately searching for a human masculine role model, even before realizing how awful said boy is. Kirk uses that Idealized Father Figure persona to try and manage the Charlie situation, but it's just ... palpably wrong for him.

And then in the second season, there's a murderous robot probe (long story) that mistakes Kirk for its (male!) creator, and Kirk is yet again forced to accept a parental role to prevent some super being from wreaking untold havoc. But despite the intensity of the situation and his outrage at its various attacks, and despite the fact that "the Creator" he's been mistaken for was a man, Kirk leaps to "huh. guess I'm a mom now lol" and keeps referring to himself as the probe's mother and in general seems way less weirded about exercising this maternal??? authority over a machine out to destroy all life than being a father-figure to a stranded human boy.

There's a scene where his "son" remarks that Spock is more orderly than everyone else, and Kirk is actually affronted while Spock silently gloats. And then at the end, Spock's like "it's a pity you had to destroy such a remarkable thing" and Kirk jokes about how, hey, he's the mother who just lost a bright and promising son.

So, um. That happened!

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As much as I want to be a short Bingmei truther, honestly it would be better textually if Bingmei was bigger and taller than Bingge (who had to be tall and big to fit the male power fantasy). Like Bingmei got fed and trained and cared for during puberty. The love he received made him better prepared for the abyss. Like imagine he comes out of it and Shen Yuan thinks “oh wow he grew! He’s bigger than I imagined reading PIDW!” And then we see Bingge. And he’s smaller. Wirey-er. All the baby fat is gone on his face. Despite his muscles, his stomach is still concave. The absence is tangible in him.

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The only explanation I would accept for Mu Qingfang avoiding SY’s wife beam is if he uses glasses to avoid direct eye contact with people like will graham and so he’s never had the full force of it fall upon him.

I do not think this spares him, it only buys him time.

I accidentally somehow misread this as 'the glasses physically reflecting the ambient wife-beams' and couldnt rest until i drew the vision

Thank you you are so correct that I wrote a very small fic about it.

I know "60s housewives who invented slash fanfiction" has taken on a life of its own as a phrase, but Kirk/Spock didn't really exist until the 70s and THOSE WOMEN HAD JOBS. They were teachers and librarians and bookkeepers and scientists and they damn well spent their own money going to conventions, printing zines, buying fanart and making fandom happen. Put some respect on their names.

Salute to our troops (70s careerwomen who put their hard-earned dollars into homemade gay erotica)

It was women with secretarial jobs doing a lot of the heavy lifting, if memory serves correctly.

They had training in type setting, could churn things out quickly, knew how to organise mailing lists, and had easy access to Expensive High Tech like photocopiers.

Boss make a dollar, she makes a dime. That's why she's printing Kirk X Spock zines on company time.

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