you carry my soul, now i carry yours

"Wow, this kink is so weird and extreme" and then you look inside and it's literally just "what if I never had to Be Responsible or Make Good Life Decisions ever again, and somehow this was a sex thing?"

Alright kitten listen up cause mommy needs your help here okay. Pause the game, ok-PAUSE the game for mommy okay I need your eyes up here, kitten. I'm putting these onions in this pan okay and im gonna walk out the door yes, that's right mommy's gotta go right now mommy's gotta go for 8 hours but she needs these onions caramelized by the time she gets bac-STOP LOOKING AT THE COMPUTER mommy needs you to caramelized these onions for her okay kitten mommy needs all 5 pounds perfectly caramelized and cooked down till they're all evenly brown and sweet and YES it does need to take the whole 8 hours mommy needs you to babysit these fucking carmies okay kitten I SAID TURN THE FUCKING GAME OFF

Finally drew this cutie I got her name is Coco! 🍩

People have written a lot of touchy-feely pieces on this subject but I thought I’d get right to the heart of the matter

[The artist, putting a simple cake next to a much fancier one: “Aw man, that guy’s cake is way better than mine.” The Audience, gleefully holding up a knife and fork “HOLY SHIT! TWO CAKES!”]

additions from the og artist (credit)

“Holy shit two cakes,” I mutter to myself as I do fucking anything these days, this post was a godsend

Gay ass little horse

Completed hood, based off a 16th century ‘shame’ mask.

i support being a hater unless youre hating on something i enjoy and love and then you need to lighten up buddy wheres your sense of whimsy

boys like it when you imprison them in the ornate birdcage that hangs in the centre of your lair

This city's got a beat, and you gotta hook into it. And once you get the beat, you can do anything.

go grandpa!!!!!

me as a 14th century knight: this sucks i'm gonna fms (translator's note: fall on my sword)

Alternatively: fuck my squire

[remembers falling on my sword jokes negatively impact my knight's oath] ...fuck my squire

you can INCREASE your PLAYTIME by being a BAD GAMER

(r/relationshipadvice)

Gf will only have sex with me if we toss each other around the room and have a roleplay anime battle where one of us gets pinned. It's very tiresome but very hot. Does anyone have any new super moves i can use because my holy crescent sword beam is getting stale and she's learning to dodge my attacks. Every time she wins she just smirks and monologs and then we don't have sex. I'm open to any ideas for new strategies or weapons