Prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet

no cruel jokes or pranks this April 1st we should instead celebrate the better April 1 holiday

What is the better April first holiday and what does this saucy little scamp have to do with it

I can't find an article in English but essentially in France it is a common children's prank to on April Fool's put little paper fish on people's backs and it's called "poisson d'Avril" (April Fish). when i was in school in our french classes we would hide paper fish around the school as well and i took great joy in wedging mine in deeply impractical places that im honestly not sure were ever found. looking at it now, my French teachers had billed it as a Whole Separate Holiday but it actually seems more to be like a cultural in-joke/France-Specific April Fool's Prank lol whoops

regardless I like it better than some of the more mean spirited stuff I've seen associated with American April Fool's day

can't be mad at someone just taping one of these lil guys to your back right !

i love this thank you

“Magneto’s backstory should be changed, it’s unrealistic that he’d still be alive after all this time!” Have you forgotten what franchise he’s from?

You can suspend your disbelief for the man transformed into sentient rocks by space radiation, the interdimensional bird, and the flaming biker skeletons, but one guy being a little old is where you draw the line?

It's the ~antisemitism~

#its also worth noting that marvel *DID* change magneto's backstory#he was originally presented as someone who had survived the shoah as an adult#and marvel retconned it to him surviving it as a child#iirc his original debut backstory involved him losing a wife and two kids??

Well, no, not really. When Magneto was made to be a Holocaust survivor, he was a survivor from childhood, though by the end of the Holocaust he was in his teens. His daughter Anya was killed by an antisemitic mob after the Holocaust, at some point in the 1950s.

It's also an attempt to pretend that the Shoah is ancient history, when it's really not.

"It's unrealistic for a Holocaust survivor to still be alive."

Assholes, there are Holocaust survivors still alive in the real world.

They're really telling on themselves because Wolverine is like 170 years old.

wolverine being a hundred and fucking seventy: normal

magneto being the same age as currently alive holocaust survivors: impossible

While there are definitely living Holocaust survivors today, most of them aren't up to doing half the shit Magneto does, and it seems to be affecting the impact his stories have on audiences. I remember reading Magneto stories as a kid in the 90s, knowing he was a little younger than my grandparents, and getting hit with a truckload of sympathy for the dude. He just wanted to have a normal life like Grandma and Granddad, and then the war happened and oh FUCK. Younger readers now are much less likely to have that personal connection; that's just how human lifespans work. And it's only going to get worse. Magneto does need some future-proofing.

That's not to say I think Magneto's origin should be changed, or that he should be permanently killed off. Far from it. This is comics; all kinds of timeline bullshit happens all the time. As someone pointed out above, Wolverine is most of the way into his second century of life.

What I'd do--and what I'm shocked Marvel writers don't seem to have done yet--is wave the mutant bullshit wand and make Magneto functionally immortal. Secondary mutation, maybe. Something something magnetic fields. The mechanics don't matter any more than "Wolverine is functionally immortal because healing factor" does. What matters is this:

At some point, Magneto will be the last living Holocaust survivor. And he will not let the world forget.

There was a story I read as a kid where Magneto took a handful of soil from the camp where his family died and spread it on the surface of the moon, where he was building a mutant haven of some kind. The image of him on his knees with soil running through his fingers and an agonized look on his face has haunted me ever since. To some part of him, it's always 1945. Never again is quite literally now.

I want to see Magneto as the furious conscience of the Marvel universe. I want him to rip a hole in the UN General Assembly building and stride in with his full regalia on--except for one sleeve, stripped to the forearm to show his tattooed number--and read the UN the riot act in all his nigh-unkillable glory. I want him to storm into summits between warring planets, atomize the ferrous metal in everyone's weapons, and lay down the galactic law that is There Will Be No More Genocides On My Watch, And My Watch Is Eternal. And I want future writers to use his story, and his enduring popularity as a character, to make sure that audiences don't forget either.

Magneto being a Holocaust survivor is only a flaw in the storytelling if you're a goddamn coward.

some of my friends are stem majors

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

the king picked the guy with skull shoulderpads for the court magician job, which is exciting

Ao3 does not need an algorithm, you're just lazy

Ao3 does not need a 1-5 star rating system, you just want to bring down authors writing for FREE

Ao3 does not need automatic censorship, it is an archive, therefore anything can be posted

Writing or reading about something illegal does not mean the author nor the reader condones it, if that were true, you could never read a story involving anything negative

Purity culture is ruining fan culture and you all are fucking annoying

just because it “fits” doesnt mean its comfortable or sustainable stopppppppp this shit

There are two main factors at play when someone says that a condom is too small: (1) the band size is too small & (2) the condom is not sustainable

The band is at the base of the condom. It’s latex is made thicker here than the shaft and is, therefore, less elastic. The band keeps the condom secure so it does not come off mid-insertion and so penial fluids do not leak from the condom. To do this, the band has to keep a very tight grip on the base of the penis. This is the main complaint from people using condoms too small for them. The shaft’s plastic can stretch comfortably, but the band is not so lenient and uncomfortably or painfully squeezes the base of the penis.

Condoms in use experience a lot of friction. For a condom’s shaft or band to be stretched farther than it was intended weakens the latex. The band and shaft are then at risk of being broken from the friction. It fitting does not mean it is sustainable.

If your partner says a condom is too small, believe them and cease from doing anything that requires a condom. If your partner says a condom is too small but is trying to pressure you into unprotected sex, kick them out the door. 

Thaaaank you please read the above they make large and XXL condoms for a reason and it’s not to stoke men’s egos

A former… friend suggested I try a size or two larger, and yes, they do work.

Yep. At first, I thought that condoms were supposed to be that tight. I’d seen those “condoms can fit on a two liter bottle so quit your complaining,” I had no basis for comparison because dudes don’t talk about that shit, and no one wants to be that “HURR HURR GUESS I NEED A MAGNUM XL” guy.

Now wear that condom on your arm for a while. Ten minutes at least. Still got sensation in your arm?

One of the many failures of sex ed in this country is the notion that there’s only two types of condom, “fits everyone except those elephant-trunk-cock freaks” and “for elephant-trunk-cock freaks or lying braggarts” (and yes, there’s implicit shame in the idea of people needing non-”regular”-sized condoms and the genesis for such is pretty likely rooted in some really nasty viewpoints about certain groups of people but I’m digressing).

But penises come in a LOT of dimensions, and not all of them fit right in a “normal” condom. You don’t need to have a monster down there for a condom to be legitimately painful and/or break mid-act. This can leave a lot of people legitimately unawares that it doesn’t have to be like this. (I was, early on.)

Condom too tight? That’s a real problem for the reasons pointed out above. But it’s a solvable one at most drug stores, which generally have a broader (ha ha) selection than your Walmarts or Targets. Or suck it up (ha ha) and go to an “adult boutique” (a proper one) where they’re likely to have even more options and let’s be real here the people working at these aren’t gonna give you Looks over condom selection. Or shop at said boutiques online if you REALLY need to avoid the in-person thing.

And if you think you’re gonna be doing things requiring condoms, HAVE YOUR OWN. Yes, even if you personally don’t have a penis. Buy a box of large-size as well just in case.

And don’t let anyone give you guff over it, and don’t let anyone pressure you into unprotected sex because of condom size.

For the record, even if you’re doing things that don’t involve a penis at all, condoms are good to have around. They make great dental dams on the fly, keep toys clean, and keep body parts clean if your partner is using their hands. :) Also, keep some non-latex ones around in case you or your partner has a latex allergy. Trust me, there are few places worse to have that allergic reaction. o_o

Here! Here is a condom size chart!!! There are probably! Others! You can check!!! So you can be comfortable when getting up to shenanigans. Because condoms that don’t fit are sooo uncomfortable and also a safety risk. A properly sized condom can really help improve sensation in the person with the penis.

https://www.verywellhealth.com/condom-size-chart-906776

I am so happy to be able to help! Condoms are so great!

Previous sex shop employee here! It’s worth noting that if a condom breaks it’s probably because there wasn’t enough lube on the INSIDE! Yes the come lubricated, but yes they need more! They use a water based lubricant and that gets sucked right up into your skin. If the inside of a condom gets dry it’s the absolute worst, especially around the band for comfort, but that’s not the part that will snap.

Adding lubricant inside increases pleasure and safety, it will blow your mind. Please do it.

Also! Most people suffer from a very low grade allergy to latex and one of the coolest things on this earth is polyisoprene condoms. They’re 100% less smelly, just as safe, and feel way better. Our preferred brand was Skyn but there’s other brands worth trying.

As embarrassing as it can be to go into an adult store I promise it’s where the Good Shit is kept. Not the KY lube (for the love of god don’t buy it, it’s killing your girls cooch) the good lube, and the condoms in many sizes and options that you won’t see in a supermarket.

you will live to witness manmade horrors that are completely within your comprehension if you've paid any attention to a single piece of human history but are nevertheless still huge bummers

SEVERANCE (2022—)

helly and the woman she tried to kill herself over / helena and the woman whose life is hers for the taking

severance continues to get wilder. gretchen cheats on her husband with her husband; don't let her husband find out! ham-based throuple gets significantly more ominous. helena convinced mentioning local depressed alcoholic widower's dead wife by the wrong name is a surefire way to get him to need her carnally. somewhere markhelly is wasting company time getting freaky under a table. milchick beefs with child and paperclips.

I do think most people's criticism of innie Mark in the season 2 finale stems from the fact that they all watched Chikhai Bardo and he didn't

the work is mysterious and important, and that's why we've severed this tuba player

I too would only do marching band again with the aid of a corporate sanctioned lobotomy