OSRR: 3892

i feel like my allergies are acting up. it doesn't taste or smell like a sinus infection quite yet. i should get a netipot tomorrow and flush my sinuses out. i don't want it to become a sinus infection.

that said, today was an alright day. started out taking joel to a friend's house to fix his streaming setup, and i went to starbucks and was going to go to panera but instead went to walmart and got a tackle box/bag for all of my amigurumi stuff, like the eyes and bits for finishing it all. joel called once he was done, and he and his friend and i met up at the airport diner for lunch.

after lunch we stopped at home to grab a few things and then headed back out. we first stopped at guitar center, where i once again had the realization that i should've done percussion instead of woodwind instruments as i tapped my way through the selection of djembes, bongos, and rhythm boxes. i ended up picking up a couple of ukulele books because i've got two and i might as well know how to play them.

then we went to diversity games and i picked up a deck box for the mothman deck i was given along with some dice to go along with it. what happened was i bought all of the dice of that one pattern in the store. womp womp. i also got a liquid core d20 necklace that is pink and sparkly inside. i'm gonna hang it in my car once i get her back. it's perfect for that.

then we went to connor and aurora and logan's for a while. joel and some of the lads went and got mac n cheese while others went to the grocery store. i ordered thai food and got it delivered. i also sat and worked on my homework a bit, but i didn't finish everything. but i got tired and around 10pm i headed back here, since joel is sleeping over there.

and now it's past 4 fucking am and i want to sleep but joel is not here and for a while i was too cold to sleep but i put on a bunch of layers and im warm now but my nose is stuffy and hates me and i just want to sleep for a month. i dont even know what day it is anymore.

OSRR: 3891

i started out at home today.

i brought mom to the eye doctor to get her glasses fixed up so they stop falling off her face. and then we went to dollar tree to look at things for easter - mom has decided to do easter dinner this year despite the challenges of working with post-concussive syndrome.

the good news is her wrist is healing. she's got a few appointments in a couple weeks to get a progress check on everything. cardiology, orthopedics, urology, a general checkup. so that's good.

after being mama home, i made my way to bedford so i could see nicole for a little bit. we got lunch at pressed and then we went to the game store joel frequents - she's making little dice potions for her d&d players and needed individual d20s for it. and then we went to the grocery store next door for the salt and food coloring she needed.

which then led me to an empty afternoon.

i was so tired, so i made my way to joel's for a nap. 10/10, great choice. joel said he was going to magic, and then left shortly after. i set my alarm for 6pm and passed out.

i ended up hitting snooze a bunch and waking up closer to 7. but then i still had a free evening that i couldn't stay at joel's for - it's too cold to hang out here, even for a little bit. so i went and hopped in my car (the rental) and made my way to starbucks for a hot chocolate. that was definitely the right play.

and then i sat in the parking lot for a couple hours, playing on my phone and talking to leo. (yes i am mentioning him again!) the girl he had been seeing broke up with him the day he was going to ask her to officially be his girlfriend because he did something careless and broke her trust. she's in the right here, and leo knows it. and he's hurting a lot, and the best thing he can do is not spiral, which he was doing tonight. so i kinda talked him out of it. told him that the best way to honor this girl who he respects but broke her trust is to become a better person using the lessons he learned because of her. and no, she won't see that, because he lost that privilege. but she showed him things he needed to learn and he needs to keep those with him to prove that the time they spent together was worthwhile to him.

i never spoke to this girl, but 1000/10, good on you girl. you deserve so much better than someone who isn't going to meet you where you are. AND that you need to teach things to, like communication. queen shit. you deserve the world.

in the meantime, i'm helping my homie figure out how to manage feeling like a piece of shit and trying to move forward without relapsing into bad habits.

so that's what i spent a little while doing this evening. and once he went to bed, i felt a lot better - when i left the house i felt like something was missing, some human connection that i needed to fill an empty spot in my head. and it did! i felt much better after talking to him. i'm glad he's still my friend and feels comfortable enough to talk to me about things that are sensitive topics and important to him.

and then i went to dairy queen and got some ice cream before coming back. i'm in bed now and joel passed out so fast. playing games and waiting for my brain to shut off. it's past 1:30. wish me luck.

OSRR: 3890

today i sat down to work with my classmate on our project for the python final, but i sat upstairs instead of going to the school or going home. i ended up feeling so cold within like half an hour that i could barely feel my fingers while i was typing.

once we were done, i headed out to find joel lunch (he was cold and not feeling well), which i returned to deliver and then i headed back out for my doctor's appointment. it was a med check, so it was easy enough. he also looked at my wrists and recommended i get some painkiller gel for my hand that recently started hurting.

i went to pick up my mom and we went to the grocery store together. she picked out a recipe for stuffed peppers for dinner, so we found the things we needed for that, along with some other things for recipes that'll be used later in the week. (i say this as if it's not thursday.) (we plan dinners a few days at a time.)

we stopped at starbucks because even though i was finally warm i still wanted some. and as we headed home i stopped to run into CVS to find the painkiller gel for my hand as well as some pretzels for mom.

we got home and started on dinner, which ended up being really good. i'm not usually a fan of stuffed peppers, but this recipe was more like bolognese with extra steps, so i was more than happy to eat it. i had a yellow pepper, which are my favorite because they're sweeter than the others. it was so good.

after dinner i sat down and worked some more on the project for python, this time making a diagram of the parking garage. i did all three floors and i was very excited to have it completed and to be able to now see what i was thinking. but i just realized that i swapped the sides on the ramp and i need to fix it. oops.

i ended up staying home because i was tired and mom wants to go to the eye doctor tomorrow to get her glasses adjusted. wish me luck with sleeping.

OSRR: 3889

today could be easily characterized as a bad pain day.

the tradeoff for my car this morning at the shop was flawless. i'm having them do an estimate for a couple other things that i might as well have them take care of if they already have my car.

the rental is interesting. very nice, very high-tech.

i got my stuff back in it eventually.

but first i went grocery shopping. and doing so really killed my wrists.

so, for most of the day, i've work two braces. soft ones, but they give support nonetheless. they've been hurting something awful, especially the left.

i went to see nancy today! it'd been a while so it was nice to see her and the family. i missed them.

class this evening was where we had groups assigned for the final project. i was blessedly paired with the one person in the room i know i can trust to help me through it. thank you, homie. you a real one.

they had so many ideas for this project before we even sat down to talk, for which i am so so grateful. but they also acknowledged that i have the ability to write things well and do some things specifically, so they'll do most of the technology and i'll do most of the writing. a good team, i think. and they even took like fifteen minutes out of their time to explain classes to me. an angel. that is who they are.

after i left the school, i had to decide what i wanted for dinner, and it ended up being mcnaldos. so i got some food and sat in the car while eating and i ordered some new safety eyes and some stitch markers for the con. i think i'm gonna call my keychains "furballs" because "mothballs" is more of a me-branded thing instead of something that can be sold under a different name, which is the intent. regardless, i've got stuff coming for that.

i came back to the house after realizing i forgot my meds and cables at home. i stood by the heater before making my way to the basement, where i folded the rest of my laundry and put my nighttime sweater into the dryer to warm it up.

now joel is in bed beside me and he sounds very congested. he said he might have the beginnings of a sinus infection, which would suck.

anyway, i'm hoping i don't get it if it is a sinus infection.

and i realized as i drove down the road to get mcnaldos that i just adore him. i knew that, of course. but i also realized that seeing him is the best part of my day, and i giggled with joy! how many people are lucky enough to say that their partner of nearly six years still makes them giggle at the realization of their intense affection? it's just so cute to me. it makes me happy.

joel makes me happy.

OSRR: 3888

today i woke up early. like more than an hour before any of my alarms were supposed to go off. and then i didn't really fall back asleep. so i was up before my alarms. i got up eventually and showered and got dressed, and i put my laundry in the wash because im gonna need clean clothes when i come back tomorrow.

i went off to work. my one appointment didn't show. so i spent the rest of my time reading a jayvik fic and stressing about job searching and maybe going for a phd. i filed for unemployment too, so that's good.

i got to give kristen the stuff i picked out for her. she loves the moose i got for the little peanut.

after work i went to the grocery store to grab some food and shakes for joel before going back to joel's and switching the laundry over and putting the rest of my clothes in. then i took a nap.

i woke up around 6:30.

because it's tuesday and that means it's oak island day, i knew i needed to go home. but since enough time had elapsed for the laundry, i went and switched the last bit over, folded what was dry, and then left to go home.

i pulled some stuff out of my car so i don't have to deal with it at the shop with the rental tomorrow, and i handed out the stuff i got for my family in canada.

mom and i watched oak island and i started telling her about the trip during commercial breaks.

mom came upstairs to bed around 10:10 or so, and i followed around 10:30, and i've been in bed ever since playing games and being a shitlord and not doing anything of import and procrastinating writing this post. but it's just after 3am and i figured since i was still awake i should probably just write the damn post, so here we are.

i would like to take a paid vacation and get a massage.

maybe also have a job that i love that i won't feel like i'm useless or unfit for having a job or any of the normal things that come with me and working.

i'm tired. not like "it's 3am" tired, but a bone-deep "i am tired of applying to jobs and i am tired of being unemployed and i am tired of doubting everything i have ever done."

christ.