Ellie’s Journal - Part 3
Summary- After a fight leaves you and Ellie in unbearable silence, she does the only thing she can—she writes. Every word she was too afraid to say, every apology that got stuck in her throat, every moment she watched you slip further away. Five days of regret fill the pages of her journal, and when she finally hands it to you, all her fears, all her love, are laid bare. She doesn’t know if it’s enough, but she knows one thing: love isn’t perfect, but you are worth fighting for.
Thank you so much @mikellie for the kind words! i’m so glad you liked it! i was so apprehensive about writing but the love i received was just too good! i’m glad i get to write for amazing people like you! here’s ellie’s journal for you! i’m sorry it took so long! hope you like it!
Please show your love, reblogs, follows, likes, tags, comments and most importantly feedback is greatly appreciated for beginner writers!
The journal was heavier than it looked. Or maybe that was just the weight settling in her chest as she turned the first page. The paper felt worn beneath her fingertips, the ink uneven, like Ellie had pressed too hard in places.
Beside you, Ellie sat with her hands between her knees, fingers twisting in the fabric of her jeans. She hadn’t said much after handing it over—just a quiet, "It’s all in there."
You inhaled slowly, bracing yourself. Then, you read.
"I knew I fucked up the second I saw your face. That flicker of hope—gone, just like that. Like I’d snuffed it out with my bare hands."
"You didn’t yell. Didn’t ask me to explain. Just stood there, silent, like you were waiting for me to fix it. And I should have. God, I should have."
The ink in the next lines was darker, pressed deep into the page.
"But I didn’t. I let you walk away."
Your throat felt tight. You remembered that moment too well—the way your chest had burned, how your fingers had curled into fists at your sides, nails biting into your palms. You had waited for Ellie to stop you, to say something—but the silence had stretched between you like an open wound.
"I told myself I’d go after you. That I’d knock on your door, tell you I didn’t mean it. But I just sat there. A fucking coward."
Your grip on the journal tightened as you turned the page.
"You didn’t speak to me today. Not once. It’s been a long time since I’ve heard silence like this. The kind that doesn’t just sit in the air—it presses down on you."
"You moved around me like I wasn’t even there. Like I was a ghost. I think that hurt worse than anything you could’ve said."
You remembered that too—the way you had avoided Ellie’s gaze, how you had brushed past her in the kitchen without a word. How you had wanted Ellie to stop you, to reach out, to do something. But Ellie never did.
"You left early. Didn’t say where you were going. You used to tell me everything."
"I wanted to ask if you’d eaten. If you slept. If you were okay. But I didn’t. And I don’t know if I ever hated myself more than in that moment."
The next line was hurried, the words smudged.
"I miss you. And I don’t deserve to."
Your breath shuddered as you turned the page.
"I heard you crying last night."
"You were quiet about it. Thought I was asleep. But I wasn’t. I was lying there, staring at the ceiling, listening to the way you tried to muffle it. And I did nothing."
You clenched the edge of the journal, fingers trembling.
"I thought about turning over. Thought about wrapping my arms around you, pressing my lips to your shoulder, whispering that I was sorry. That I was a fucking idiot. That I didn’t mean what I said."
"But I just laid there, frozen. Like an asshole."
You swallowed hard. That night, you had told yourself you wouldn’t cry. That you wouldn’t let yourself break. But the moment you had felt Ellie shift beside you, her breath hitching like she was trying to steady herself, the dam had cracked. You had curled in on yourself, gripping the blanket so tightly it nearly tore, while silent sobs wracked your body.
And Ellie had done nothing.
"I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself for that."
You turned the page with shaky hands.
A sharp pang struck your chest.
"He pulled me aside today. Didn’t even ask what happened. Just looked at me with that disappointed dad stare. The kind that makes you feel like you’re ten years old again, caught doing something you knew was wrong."
"You talked to him. Laughed at something he said. And I just stood there, watching you smile at him like you hadn’t in days, realizing that I wasn’t the one making you laugh anymore."
You squeezed your eyes shut for a second, gripping the journal so hard your knuckles ached.
"I think that’s when it hit me—the idea that maybe this time, I really lost you."
Your breath came unsteady as you turned to the final entry.
"I gave you the journal today."
Ellie’s handwriting was slower, steadier.
"I almost didn’t. I almost shoved it under the bed and pretended it didn’t exist. But then I saw you."
"You looked at me like you were already halfway gone. And I knew if I didn’t do something—if I didn’t show you what you meant to me—I’d never get another chance."
"I don’t know if you’ll read this. I don’t know if you even want to. But if you do, I need you to know—"
The ink wavered, like Ellie had hesitated before continuing.
"I love you. I love you so much it makes my chest ache. And if you let me, I’ll spend every fucking day proving it."
The last word was written with so much pressure that it nearly tore the page.
You closed the journal slowly, pressing a hand against the cover as if it could steady the storm inside you.
Beside you, Ellie sat perfectly still, barely breathing.
The silence between you was different now. It wasn’t cold. Wasn’t heavy. Just waiting.
You turned to face Ellie. Her eyes were wide, glossy, filled with the kind of vulnerability that made your heart lurch.
Ellie swallowed hard. “I—” Her voice broke, and she shook her head, exhaling sharply before trying again. “I meant every word.”
You didn’t realize you were crying until Ellie’s fingers brushed against your cheek, hesitant but warm.
A choked sob tore through you as you crashed into Ellie’s arms, clutching onto her like you were afraid to let go. Ellie held you just as tightly, burying her face into your shoulder, whispering apologies into your skin.
“I missed you,” Ellie rasped, voice thick. “I missed you so much.”
You nodded against Ellie’s shoulder, fists curling into the fabric of her hoodie. “I missed you too.”
You stayed like that for a long time—wrapped up in each other, breathing in sync, like you were trying to make up for every second you had lost.
And for the first time in days, the silence between you felt like something you could finally heal.
