MILF in the making

never related to authors being like "childhood is such a blessed innocent time", catch me with that jane eyre shit like "such dread as children only can feel" and "I then sat with my doll on my knee til the fire got low, glancing round occasionally to make sure nothing worse than myself haunted the shadowy room"

im in a committed relationship to a beautiful woman called the bit

travelling back to the paleolithic era to explain to a neanderthal that in the future there will be food that is simultaneously disgusting and also the best tasting food you've ever eaten. the neanderthal nods and says "oh yeah we have that" and leads me to a clearing in the woods where a perfectly normal mcdonalds sits.

im all ears buddy

i would describe myself as fun and light hearted and unburdened. please ignore the blood in my mouth

Do whatever makes you happy, the days aren’t coming back.

cant believe we live in a reality where getting a silly iced drink can set you back 7 dollars. it's like they want me dead

i am just an animal why am i doing all this

[tumblr]

Naming the female razor brand Venus is so personally offensive to me....you think Venus the goddess of love and sex and beauty was shaving her PUSSY? Go kill yourself

cosmic hug cats/ poodle cats [tattoo tickets]

there’s a war between Sucking and Fucking

you people cannot be trusted in the war room

is that your penis in your pocket? well whose penis is it