Nemomo

i like working at plant store. sometimes you ring up someone and there's a slug on their plant and so you're like "Oh haha you've got a friend there let me get that for you" and you put the slug on your hand for safekeeping but then its really busy and you dont have time to take the slug outside before the next customer in line so you just have a slug chilling on your hand for 15 minutes. really makes you feel at peace with nature. also it means sometimes i get to say my favorite line which is "would you like this free slug with your purchase"

@holyknuckled you get it. lterally what are we here on earth for if not to occasionally impose gastropods upon unsuspecting customers. this story is delightful

@holyknuckled like that?

oh? my god???

yeah, Exactly like that

i was so sad, i drew a little bat so i wouldn’t be sad. and now i am no longer sad.

here is a little bat to banish your sadness

This nice little bat reminds me of this other nice little bat who was drawn in the 1200s:

This is the only website where I routinely see people say things like “oh this reminds me of something I recently saw from the 1200s”

Tea time

I offered to come check on my friend's animals while she's away for the long weekend

She thinks I'm joking

But I'm ready

Wait. Are there 200, but to be numbered 1-250? Did I read those tags right? 😲

Yes there are actually 202 of them, the company sent 2 extra in the package, and I will be numbering them on the bottom with sharpie marker 1-250. This will ensure even if she manages to find all 202, she will never truly stop feeling like there might be a tiny duck somewhere unknown in the house. Lurking. Waiting to appear at the strangest time.

#sometimes you must be gently evil to your friends#so they know you love them enough

very very important

This is why accessibilityis so important.

To everyone saying they recognize the program this was made in and thinks this was an architectural software — NO IT WASN’T. This is a player wearing an orca avatar in an MMO at a public humiliation/exposure fetish place and as soon as the orca entered that place he found it was a bunch of real life photographs of old guys bending over and exposing their assholes. After staring at a certain German guy’s picture for too long the guy in the picture noticed this (he was zoomed in) and messaged the orca some shit like “does Sir like what he sees?” “the slave thanks you for looking.” the orca didn’t have the social skills to handle this, tried to be polite, panicked, tried to turn around but since the avatar is so big it was like the Austin Powers truck driving scene and every way he turned he saw more babyboomer asshole. how do i know this? that orca, was me

If I were in charge of Origines it would be so much gayer and so much messier

(written about below the cut for easier legibility)

Yall the point is that sex toys need to be in a sex store not a pharmacy. Also five year olds these days can in fact read, three year olds these days can read I work in a daycare I have seen it. And why would there be a sex toy AISLE in a PHARMACY in a DRUG STORE?? I’m so??? Sex toys don’t belong in drug stores.

I grew up in pennsylvania, which has pretty stringent liquor laws, so it was absolutely wild to me the first time I walked into a grocery store in california and they had ALCOHOL. RIGHT THERE. NEXT TO THE FOOD. I was shooketh, may I tell you! Alcohol belongs in The Alcohol Store! Why would you treat it as something you can just... purchase! With money and an ID! RIGHT THERE IN PUBLIC! How was anyone not worried that kids might... reach out and TOUCH a bottle!!

I got over it.

Anyway drugstores (in the US) also dispense birth control medications and viagra, sell tampons, antifungals, condoms, and all manner of hygiene products incl. douching kits. Makes perfect sense to me that they'd also sell sex toys. They've got everything else you'd put on your junk.

Eh, five year olds can read, but they're unlikely to be squirrelly about things unless the grown-up in question models squirrelly-ness.

Like, if I had been out shopping seven years ago, it would have gone like this.

Kiddo: For . . . her . . . peas . . . Me: It says "for her pleasure" but that's just for adults. Kiddo: Can I have a lollipop? Can we both have lollipops? I'm bored. Me: We will pick up the lollipops on our way out at the checkout. Can you tell Mama what's next on the list? Kiddo: . . . Cog soup? Me: Good guess! Cough syrup. And no, I don't know why gh says f in this particular case, letters do weird things. Let's go.

… cog soup.

#pharmacies are selling sex toys because they sell sexual health items#the fact that they don't have to be coy about it is a good thing as it denotes a huge advancement in our collective social maturity#which i am not about to have taken away by people who can't be bothered to explain things to their children#did you pop them out expecting to never have to think through what you're saying to them?#skill issue

Pharmacies sell hemorrhoid cream and condoms and suppositories and douches and wart treatments and breast pumps and lube and birth control and waxing strips and laxatives and rectal thermometers. Your kid is three feet tall and doesn’t know shit and wouldn’t notice anything if you didn’t make a damn big deal over it. Stop pretending this is about protecting kids and say what you actually mean, which is, “I don’t think strangers should easily masturbate”, an insane statement and a bizarre thing to care about

My favorite sex position is any of them. I’m just glad to be involved

⍑𝙹ꖎ|| ᓭ⍑╎ℸ ̣ ╎ リᒷᒷ↸ ᒲᒷ 𝙹リᒷ!!!!!!

Do you also have a heavy metal infestation in your backyard?

||ᒷᔑ, ⍑𝙹リᒷᓭℸ ̣ꖎ||. ᒷᓭ!¡ᒷᓵ╎ᔑꖎꖎ|| ᔑℸ ̣ リ╎⊣⍑ℸ ̣ᓭ. ╎ ⍑ᔑ⍊ᒷ ℸ ̣𝙹 ∴ᔑꖌᒷ ⚍!¡ ᔑリ↸ ᒲᔑリ⚍ᔑꖎꖎ|| ↸╎⊣ ℸ ̣⍑ᒷᒲ 𝙹⚍ℸ ̣

for april fools we’re deleting this entire site sayonara you weeaboo shits

Being a flop changed my life. The world is not my oyster, I am glowing. I walked into a pole this morning. There's very little I wouldn't do for $1,000

you can start anytime.

you can brush your teeth in the middle of the day. you can wash the dishes at 2am. you can do things outside the normal times assigned by society.

this girl at uni was dressed sooo gay and then i found out she's just straight with a lesbian mom. dykebaiting is not a victimless crime 😔

date her mom ?

date her mom

date her mom

Return my beacon to Mount Kilkreath

date her mom

Shun training with Aphrodite 🪩💅✨

Having a boyfriend is literally free

I’m stuck in my room because i have a fresh arm tattoo that’s not exactly fun to drive with and my little sister and her friends are hanging out in the kitchen so instead of doomscrolling or agonizing over creative projects i’m sending him pictures of various car parts and asking him to name them

wheeel……

I think he likes it?

I want to see so much more of this please

Mor car parts please

More highlights

Crankshaft:

The recording is him chanting “pasta pastasta pastaa” to himself very very quietly