New Rules for a New Life

shadowheart... 1.5 years of hrt? [loud booing from the crowd] uhh 3 years. borderline personality disorder [a short, whistling sound of a spear being thrown in my direction]

new and magnificent beasts will arise from the muck. trust me on this one

-- Me, watching my partner play Dragon Age Inquisition

bug with a mug

05.02.2023 | Korinth

Mods by hypermorphic, @ilikedetectives​ and I. Camera by Frans Bouma. Captured using ReShade.

I know that realistically you can only fit so many movies into a list of approximately 100, but I cannot take that "How many of tumblr's favorite movies have you seen?" list that's been going around seriously because there are some truly egregious omissions.

Some of it is very clearly recency bias, which makes me wonder if the op truly wasn't on here in 2013 or so, but you're telling me you made a list of "tumblr's favorite movies" that doesn't include Pacific Rim or Mad Max: Fury Road? Because, like, I was there, Gandalf.

I'm a ridiculous human and genuinely couldn't sleep until I tried my hand at a better, more balanced list -- though of course, I have my own biases when it comes to what corners of this website I've lurked in over the years. For what it's worth, I did consult the last several Years In Review, while also drawing on the fact that I've been here for over a decade. But if there's anything that truly doesn't feel like it should have made the cut, blame my mutuals for putting it on my dash all the time.

(And apologies, but I couldn't seem to find Goncharov among the website's listings)

Anne Hathaway for Vanity Fair by Norman Jean Roy

Anne Hathaway for Vanity Fair by Norman Jean Roy

Messing around with Flycam near the start of the game and decided to see what Cassandra was up to…

Draw me like one of your Orlesian girls.

oh my god cassandra this is not the time nor the place for this

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Gonna reboot this every time!!!

"The trannies should be able to piss in whatever toilet they want and change their bodies however they want. Why is it my business if some chick has a dick or a guy has a pie? I'm not a trannie or a fag so I don't care, just give 'em the medicine they need."

"This is an LGBT safe space. Of COURSE I fully support individuals who identify as transgender and their right to self-determination! I just think that transitioning is a very serious choice and should be heavily regulated. And there could be a lot of harm in exposing cis children to such topics, so we should be really careful about when it is appropriate to mention trans issues or have too much trans visibility."

One of the above statements is Problematic and the other is slightly annoying. If we disagree on which is which then working together for a better future is going to get really fucking difficult.

Someone who says they don't care if dudes wear dresses and makeup is a better ally than someone who says they're a safe space for women and non-binary people. I am not joking.

yeah I went to a gay bar recently with my husband tumblr user beemovieerotica, and a VERY confused capital S Southerner straight man in cargo shorts and a trucker hat showed up

apparently he (who through my drunken memory I remember only as Earl) liked some woman, and she told him that he wasn't cultured enough and needed to attend his first drag show (she also flaked on him)

Now I'm reasonably androgynous and was wearing makeup, a short leather skirt, and black heeled boots, but still when this guy came up to me when I was standing off alone and asked "So. Do you come here often?" with a very earnest expression, I thought. Surely not. This guy doesn't think I'm a straight woman does he????

Anyway I start talking with this guy and he has no idea what the fuck is going on but he is just a very kind and earnest dude and asked a lot of questions (while asking if it was alright if he asked those questions). I track down my husband and friends and I'm like y'all. We need to make sure that Earl has a Good Fucking Time tonight.

Man was completely out of his depth. At one point they put on a puppy auction to raise money for Pride, that started with a 6 ft drag queen in all her glory leading a leather pup out on a leash to the tune of that damned RSPCA "in the arms of the angels" song

We look at Earl. Nervous. He squints, laughs, and then goes "I was wondering why people were dressed like that!" He turned to me and asked "So they're like dogs?" And I said yeah pretty much. And he just chuckled and went "Yeah I thought so with the tails! Never seen this before!"

When the first drag king came out, Earl looked at me wide eyed and went "There's a dude version too?!" And I said yeah they're called drag kings. And he said, low, "Drag kings."

During one of the queens performances, he frowned, shook his head and told me, "Your legs are better than hers." in a tone that implied he thought there was some travesty taking place and I should also be getting paid

When he found out I was there with my husband (and that I am not a woman) he profusely apologized and said "I'm so sorry, it's dark in here and I thought you were a hot chick! I wouldn't have said nothing if I knew you had a husband, I'm so sorry about that."

When beemovie invited me to the dance floor with him later and I still had a drink in my hand, Earl said "Oh don't worry about that I can hold your drink, you get on out there and shake your ass with your husband!" Then before we left, Earl bought me drinks for "Putting up with me all night and answering everything. Y'all helped me have a great time tonight."

like. You gotta recognize there's going to people who have never had interacted outside of their of their own community. This includes you. And just because your community is familiar with all the right vocabulary and how to correctly say something, it doesn't mean they're actually going to support you. If someone like Earl shows up, confused and out of their depth but kind and curious and earnest, you gotta have patience and truck through the small things, so when he goes back to his friends and his coworkers and they snicker asking how the drag show was, he can genuinely talk about how included we tried to make him feel and that he had a great time

The person matters more than the language

I’ve never actually shit my pants in a car but I’ve come perilously close. Sometimes my body will abruptly announce its time to shit or die.

Nother close call today. Ran into a Subway that had an Out of Order sign on the bathroom and instantly intuited that it was there to brutalize homeless people. I urgently told the woman behind the counter I’d buy a cookie and she handed me a key to a perfectly functional bathroom.

American hostile infrastructure once again has my utter loathing.

i have never shit my pants in the car, but when i was in fifth grade i did eat several pounds of, apparently, undercooked crab before going to an MMA match with my cousins. i managed to sit there, cold and sweaty and trembling in the stands while heavy metal played and the ring women danced and lights flashed before leaning over and telling my dad that i was about to uneat several pounds of crab.

he grabbed my wrist and ran. on a good day i wouldve had trouble keeping up with him, but it was a bad day so i mostly got drug behind him like a dog tied to a bumper. fortunately my total bonelessness made me almost impervious to harm.

eventually we arrived in a bar. i remember someone asking my dad for ID, and my dad just kind of holding me in front of him like talisman against evil, and somehow my floppy sad appearanced was enough to be let in, no more questions asked. he bolted to the bartender and asked where the nearest bathroom was, but the bartender said that the bathroom was for customers only, and because comedic timing is all importat to me, i chose that moment to eject five pounds of crab from all three holes in my face.

i think it wouldve been more pleasant for everyone involved if id actually just exploded.

anyway, despite a few false stops, i did eventually run of crab and the bartender, to his credit, offered me a can of sprite "to wash the taste out of my mouth" and then i asked for water because i was like "i dont want to pour sprite down my nose" and the bartender looked at me like i was an actual dickensian orphan, and he gave me a water, and then my dad took me to the parking lot to sip the dasani until the match ended.

i think i couldve made it if the bartender hadnt done the paying customer routine.

anyway, weird ending - when the match ended, i staggered back to my cousins, and that entailed walking back through the bar. they'd built a weird shrine thing over the crab puddle, with a chair and a placard that read: the first puke of the day. because MMA pop up bars are nothing if not classy.

Now THAT is how you tell a story.

Every day I'm thinking about Lara Croft 😌😌

reblog to give your headache to elon musk instead

My headache disappeared 3 minutes before I even saw this post, so I'm glad to know it exists outside the rules of linear time

I've been staring at this gif for ages and it's so funny.

Maul is just showing off and does this completely unnecessary jump to back away, doesn't bother to use the Force to open the doors but throws something at the controls.

AND FUCKING OBI-WAN KENOBI CASUALLY WALKS UP TO HIM, SWINGING HIS LIGHTSABER LIKE "YEAH I'M GONNA FUCK YOU UP BITCH"

The longer I look at it the funnier it gets. He's just not impressed at all lmao

And he keeps doing it.

When Kenobi does The Walk™, your ass is about to get beat