youre all just jealous of my cursed amulet

i want to be a new yorker. i will call people asshole and buy things from bodegas. i would watch SNL on CBS all night while drinking tap water with my wework colleagues. ill have an eight ball every day thats worth some sloppy mop. i would go to my fire escape to hit my juul every night. i am also more likely to meet influencers, andrew wk, 50 cent, and maury povich. i wish i was a new yorker :(

every day i am hate-crimed by this cat

Me: AUGH I fucked it up! Shit! Just like I fuck everything up...

My supportive reddit girlfriend: Recency bias ☝️🤓

blink 182 and sum 41 should combine to become slunk 223

Don't leave this in the tags! It's so important!

Fortunately the six different poisons cancelled each other out

I'm different the white whale doesn't scare me. In fact it loves me. I'm the white whale's favorite

when I say I have a trauma background everyone assumes I was abused or some shit. and to be fair I was. but mostly I am referring to the time a pelican put me in its mouth when I was three years old. my entire head was in there. the pelican seemed unbothered by the entire thing. and now I’m here

i like to laugh and joke but always remember that i am damned

sorry for being so obsessed with that little man who lives in my head. as if i have any choice

jan smit looking at jan smit looking at rocks

fyi, Jan Smit is the paleontologist who originally noticed high levels of iridium in the Cretaceous-Paleogene Boundary sediments (now known as the K-Pg Boundary) and hypothesized the Giant Asteroid Impact Theory as the reason dinosaurs went extinct!

and as far as I know he's still out there, looking at rocks.

today i found out that my favorite vine has an extended version and i couldnt be happier

(source)

this is what friendship looks like

@generalhuxisgay

this is the greatest thing I’ve ever seen

This comment on a Depeche Mode video is making me cry blood

I love all books but sometimes you read a book and you’re like so were all 21 thousand of you blindfolded and at gun point when you rated it 5 stars

How Far From London Can You Get By Train In 12 Hours

Slime mold looking for more nutrients

Slime mold escaping London in 12 hours

"happy april fools day!" wouldnt even notice with the type of shit i got goin on

i think a loving thing u can do for yourself before a solo trip is to have a line item in ur budget, as critical and untouchable as Plane Tickets and Lodging, called Stupid. this money cannot be used for anything other than bailing u out of stupid situations

sometimes the Stupid moments are obvious like “my designated in-bag phone charger™️ is missing and my phone’s dying” or “i can’t find the goddamn bus stop it’s getting really late”, but sometimes they’re small like “huh the food at this bar i wanted to go to is pretty expensive”. the temptation to do the risky but cheap thing (walking around with a dead phone, getting lost, drinking on an empty stomach) over the expensive but safe thing (buy another charger at the closest shop, call a cab, pay too much for some mid-ass chicken gyozas bc though you do want to try the signature local beer it’s been a minute since you ate anything) is mitigated. it’s fine, u can assure yourself. take it out of the Stupid Budget