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Outtamynoggin

@outtamynoggin

Spin me like race course. The weird thoughts that skrrt their way into my head. Mostly Dick Grayson related

Bruce Wayne: Attention Thief

Tim: You know.. the more I think about it, the more unreasonable this is.

Jason: What?

Tim: I keep thinking about how reliant Bruce is on Dick and how Dick always replies in kind.

Jason: So what? Roses are red, violets are blue, get to the part where you say something new.

Tim: No, but I found Dick FIRST. I was the one who admired him. I was the one chasing him through newspapers, TV clips, and across Gotham’s rooftops. I was the one who met him first when Bruce was off brooding somewhere else! I was and AM the one who hangs out with him!

Jason: ...You're... starting to sound a little jealous.

Tim: I sound like someone who put in all the effort and should be reaping the rewards! By all logic, he should be dependent on me!

Jason: Tim. Buddy. You’re trying to out-obsess Bruce Wayne. Do you hear yourself? You’re one overly dramatic monologue away from becoming the next big villain if you continue.

Tim: *offended*

Jason: *shrugging*

Tim: ...You would know.

It's crazy what he gets away with (and who the ones letting him get away with it are)

Bruce: What Nightwing did might have been... unconventional, but it worked.

Tim: Exactly. I mean, sure, the plan might have involved hacking into Gotham’s power grid, a few strategic distractions, and, uh, some minor illegal surveillance-

Barbara: MINOR? DISTRUBANCES??

Tim: Okay, fine! The plan also had a teensy bit of hacking into the stock market, manipulating a few politicians, and borrowing a couple confidential documents, but nobody was harmed!

Bruce: ...In the strictest sense.

Tim: Yes! See, it's a win-win solution!

Barbara: *furious* You two are insane. You’re treating morally ambiguous like it’s a fun new hobby. He practically engineered an escape from a high-security prison by tricking the entire staff into thinking it was game night. In addition, he orchestrated a city-wide blackout just to steal classified documents, and you’re calling it genius?

Bruce: Very resourceful.

Tim: I mean... it’s not his fault they didn’t know how to play Dungeons & Dragons. Also, I want to see who else could pull off a high-profile heist while simultaneously launching a PR campaign for a new tech startup!

Bruce: *to Tim* Wayne Enterprise's tech gadgets cleared the shelves, we need to speed up production.

Tim: Already on it.

Barbara: You’re defending this? That’s not genius, that’s a psychotic breakdown wrapped in a cape! It's madness layered up in a three-piece suit!

Bruce and Tim: It’s Dick.

Barbara: I swear, if it was anyone else, you’d be throwing them in a cell for years.

Bruce and Tim: It’s Nightwing. He has plausible deniability.

Barbara: Plausible? I think he has a whole separate universe of deniability!

Helena: Love thy neighbor—

Kori: And if he happens to be tall, debonair, and devastating, it will be that much easier.

Helena: ...Is that why you moved closer to Dick’s apartment?

Kori: I am simply being neighborly! 😊

Daddy issues... son issues??

Jason: Can a parent have daddy issues?

Tim: Obviously. They-

Jason: No I mean can they have daddy issues for their child?

Tim: What the actual heck are you on about?

Jason: Because I SWEAR Bruce has daddy issues for Dick.

Tim: WHAT? WHAT?!! What the actual-

Jason: No, think about it. Someone with daddy issues has: Fear of abandonment, difficulty trusting a partner, feeling insecure in a relationship, being clingy or possessive, needing constant reassurance, being easily jealous or suspicious, and attracting abusive partners.

Tim: *panicking* Hold-

Jason: *on a roll* NO. Bruce literally stalks dick and gets mad and scared over him leaving, he doesn't trust his robins to meet his standards, he constantly trauma-dumps on Alfred about his and Dick’s relationship, and he’s super clingy and possessive when it comes to Dick—like, look at the Titans! He’s obsessed. He literally asks Dick if things are alright between them CONSTANTLY. Abusive partners? I don't mean to talk shit about Talia and Selina but they're literally villains.

Tim: *having a crisis*

Jason: Bruce Wayne- the first man to have daddy issues... in reverse.

Tim: *whimpering* Please stop talking.

Jason: ...But wait... all these things... doesn't Dick have some of them too?!

Tim: NO!

Jason: *speeding up* No, no.. HOLY SHIT, IT'S A CYCLE! Bruce is feeding into Dick's issues and Dick is feeding into Bruce's because Bruce is looking for validation from Dick and Dick is looking for validation in Bruce and they-

Tim: *frantically calling* KON, COME PICK ME UP. I'M SCARED.

Dick's commitment issues (?)

Jason: You have the worst commitment issues I’ve ever seen.

Dick: Excuse me?! I don’t have commitment issues... I commit to everything. Jobs? Had like six. Identities? I’m legally at least four different people. Trauma responses? Baby bro, I’ve been loyal to mine since I was eight.

Jason: …That is deeply unsettling.

Tim: *muttering* At this point even the Joker has a stabler identity.

The Gymanstics Kids from Nightwing 1996 Issue #126: “Payback”

Dick Grayson had dealt with a lot things in his life: crime bosses, metahuman threats, alien invasions - so many. He’d fought against assassins and warlords, juggled hero work with civilian duties, lead an entire generation of crimefighters, and somehow still managed to stay on his feet despite getting barely 3 hours of sleep per night. His greatest achievement? He’d even survived being raised by Bruce Wayne. He turned out alright!

But nothing - and he meant nothing - had prepared him for this.

“Coach Grayson!”

Dick barely had time to react before a body slammed into his, arms wrapping tightly around his torso in an iron grip. Years of training were the only thing that kept him from toppling over. He instinctively braced himself and refrained from Judo flipping the thing that collided into him, instead looking down to see a face that was somewhat familiar...

“...Alex?” His voice came out in disbelief. Wait, was this the little teen he'd taught when he was working at the gymnastics gym 10 years ago?

“Teach!”

He pried himself free from the boy-man-Alex(?)'s-clingy grip just in time to catch sight of the rest of them. 7 men and women. Each and every one of them. He was staring at a lineup of old memories. And little terrors.

10 years ago, when he was still settling into himself in Bludhaven, Dick had taken a part-time coaching job for the gymnastics team thinking it would be a relatively low-stress gig. He could pass on his experience, brush up his skills, have fun teaching some kids, and, for once, avoid getting shot at (unlike his previous job where it had practically been a job requirement). That had been the plan.

A simple plan.

Now, all of his past decisions came back to haunt him.

There they stood. His old students from his time coaching in Bludhaven’s gymnastics club years ago. The very same students he had fondly trained when he was still trying to balance being Nightwing and holding down a ‘normal’ job. Each and every one of them was now standing in front of him, dressed in Team USA’s official leotards and tracksuits, grinning like wolves.

This was bad.

“You didn’t tell us you were coming back, Teach,” Reina, the one he had once nicknamed ‘Menace’ (affectionately), pouted. Her piercing green eyes gleamed with something that made the hairs on the back of Dick’s neck stand up.

“I wasn’t exactly expecting to see you guys here,” he admitted. “At the same time. In one place. In my apartment building.”

“We’re national-level now,” Alex said proudly, ignoring his last words and still bouncing on his heels like an overexcited puppy. His blonde hair only added to the image of his being a golden retriever puppy. “Thanks to you.”

“That’s… great,” Dick managed, already mentally preparing his exit strategy.

“Oh, don’t think you’re getting away,” Reina cut in smoothly. “We missed you, Teach. And you left without saying goodbye.”

Layla nodded, the black braids in her ponytail swinging with every moment. "We were so sad. It's almost like you didn't want to spend the time we wanted to with you.

Dick tensed. He did not like the way she said that. It sounded like an accusation, which was technically fair. He had left rather abruptly when his Nightwing duties had gotten in the way. But in his defense, he had not expected all of them to become Olympic-tier gymnasts and then hunt him down like a pride of lions who had finally found their lost cub.

“It wasn’t personal,” he tried. “I had… other responsibilities.”

“We know,” Kai, an ever-smiling boy replied sweetly. Only this time, his smile didn't have the same heart-warming quality as it had 10 years ago. “That doesn’t mean we’ve forgiven you.”

“Oh, boy.”

And then they descended.

Kai hooked an arm around his neck, dragging him into a headlock while Reina pinched his side in a way that made him twitch. More joined in—Sora, the quiet one, was suddenly behind him, tugging at his jacket like a child with a toy they refused to let go. Caleb, the one he distinctly remembered having difficulties with anger when he was younger, pulled the grocery bags from his hands with a smile and with a sharp jab of his leg, broke the handle on the door, slowly letting it swing open on its own. He then stepped to the side and waited politely, all the while still smiling.

Dick felt a shiver running down his spine. What's a house? Who needs their old things, huh?

Forget it, it's time to start new anyway. Dick turned around at once.

Tomoe, who had once been his shyest student, smirked as she executed a perfect flip over his head, landing gracefully in front of him just to block any potential escape route.

“We have so much to catch up on, Coach,” she said with a smile that was anything but innocent.

Dick took a slow breath. He had fought crime lords, outmaneuvered Slade Wilson, and stared down the barrel of countless guns. And yet, looking at the familiar, determined faces of his old students, all united in their goal to reclaim their beloved ‘Teach,’ he felt something he hadn’t felt in years.

True, unfiltered fear.

He was so, so screwed.

Roy: It's so unfair

Wally: What's unfair?

Roy: How so damn pretty Dick is!

Kori: *Positively smug* Of course he is beautiful. I tell him every day. Sometimes twice. Sometimes all night

Gar: *annoyed* It's so unfair! The guy could literally commit a crime and just smile his way out of it!

Wally: On that note, sometimes it's a good thing.

Roy: What?

Wally: One time, we got pulled over for speeding, and the cop let him go because he "looked trustworthy".

Gar: So?

Wally: I was driving.

Jason and Tim talking about dealing with Bruce

Jason: How do you do it? Isn't he so... frustrating?! Doesn't he drive you nuts?!

Tim: Of course he does.

Jason: Then what do you do instead of wanting to strangle him?

Tim: Easy. Set Dick on him.

Jason: ...What?

Tim: Yeah. Nothing sends Bruce into a tailspin faster than a disappointed Grayson.

Jason: *Looking at Tim with awe in his eyes* You're a scary, evil, little genius

Tim: Yup. Works on everyone.

Jason: *impressed* Damn.

Jason: Wait... what do you mean it works on everyone?

Tim: What I said - it works on everyone.

Jason: You... you've never set Dick on me, have you?

Tim:

Jason: ... *cracking his knuckles*

Tim: Noooooo

Jason: *grinning meanly* Hey, lil bro. I think it's time for some brotherly bonding

Tim: *already running* Dick?! DICKKK!!!!!

Jason: *running after him* You shut up!!!

*Dick's girlfriend (Zatanna) asking his ex (Kori) what it's like to date Dick*

Kori: *laughing sadly* Why are you asking me?

Zatanna: Well, I could ask Barbara but she'd either punch me or roast me like a marshmallow mean. And I'm not in the mood to be verbally degraded aside from bed. Actually, sorry for asking, never mind-

Kori: Oh, yes... Well, it’s fantastic. He’s funny, charming, cute, smart, thoughtful, caring, daring, sexy, and, oh - gorgeous. Basically, perfect. But...

Zatanna: But what?

Kori: Well, it always feels like you’re kind of the mistress.

Zatanna: WHAT?!

Kori: It’s not like that... well, sort of... it’s just...

Zatanna: *getting angry* But what?!

Kori: Dating him is like being in a threesome relationship.

Zatanna: What are you talking about? Who’s the third? Who is he seeing on the side?

Kori: *sighing* Well, the tricky part is, he’s not seeing anyone else in a romantic sense... but... you end up feeling like the third wheel to the main... wife, I guess...

Zatanna: Who!!! Kori-

Kori: Bruce.

Zatanna: *staring blankly* Bruce Wayne?!

Kori: *Shrugging, annoyed* It's not Dick’s fault, but Bruce always shows up. When you think you’re finally going on a date, then Bruce calls. Always calling Dick, always assigning him stuff to do, they have arguments about Bruce always watching Dick, he’s always giving him his kids to take care of—he's always there! Which is fine, but then we-you and Dick-will end up fighting over his duties to Bruce.

Zatanna: Oh my god. So basically, I’m dating a guy who’s got a 24/7 hotline to Bruce Wayne’s tantrums. Okay... okay. I... I can deal with that. It’s just his dad. That’s it, right?

Kori: Yes, but after Bruce... it’s the other Titans.

Zatanna: That’s... just his friends, right?

Kori: Then the Justice League.

Zatanna: But—

Kori: Then the JSA, then the Outsiders, then his ‘kids’, then his enemies, then his family, and then—

Zatanna: Wait, who else? Who else is left!

Kori: *rubbing her forehead at the memories* Oh, don’t forget the Gotham PD. They call him all the time. "Hey, Nighting, Batman's going crazy. Come help." As well as the Bludhaven PD and normal civilians. *pauses* Oh, and then there’s also Alfred, Lucius, and-

Zatanna: So, everyone needs him?

Kori: Yes. He’s some sort of unpaid therapist, personal assistant, and superhero... and somehow still finds time to be emotionally unavailable.

Zatanna: *laughing drily* So basically, I’m just here for the ride. Then... he’s everyone's boyfriend? So, I'm not the only third wheel in his...his life, then?

Kori: *smiling* Yes.

Zatanna: *Smirking* Well, at least I won't be the only one getting ghosted by him.

Bruce's emotional support system

Tim: *To Jason who just walked in* Bruce is brooding into his eggs again.

Bruce: *glaring at Tim* I'm fine

Alfred: Sir, I distinctly recall making french omelette, not poached eggs.

Jason: *ignoring Bruce* Is he crying about Dick again?

Barbara: Of course he is. Who else?

Jason: I can't believe I was raised by a man who can’t function without a circus acrobat holding his hand. One is crazier than the other and ya never know who.

Alfred: Master Dick is currently busy with other matters.

Jason: With who??

Barbara: The Titans

Jason: ...oh. I kinda get it now

Tim: Yeah, Bruce isn't getting him back for a while. The Titans would riot first.

Bruce: I. Do. Not. Need. Dick.

Barbara: You literally texted him 40 times, called him 4 times, and intercepted Titans communications twice just this morning to command him to come back to Gotham 'this instant' for a city emergency. It just turned 7 AM three minutes ago.

Bruce: ...He's neglecting his duty!

Barbara: *deadpan* There is absolutely no emergency. There isn't even a mouse making trouble right now.

Bruce: *angrily storming down to the batcave*

Barbara: *Drinking another cup of coffee* How much do you want to bet that he's going down there to spy on Dick.

Jason: Nothing. Here's a better offer - how much do you wanna bet on what Dick'll do when he finds out Bruce has been spying on him?

Tim: I'm in!

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