I traveled 7 miles by foot to the nearest dealership and walked my white ass up to the counter and asked for their best deal. They took 1 look at me and knew I was full of shit instantly. That I was not to be taken seriously as a customer, but it seemed they were still willing to hook me up. I trusted them because the guys who worked there were all jocks like me and if you are a nerd, that’s just something you’ll never understand. They blindfolded me and drove me to someplace for 20 minutes then told me to get the fuck out of the car. They coaxed me deep into a wooded area by jabbing me with a spike even though I was fine to just keep walking without the spike. They took off my blindfold and I saw the worst car I could’ve imagined.

It was all fucked up. There were no windows, it smelled like poison, and it was covered in pictures of mutilated fetuses because it was once used in abortion protests or something. But other than all of that, it was pretty good. The dealers made me sign some papers and cut off one of my ears and I was good to go. I thrusted my feet thru the floor of the vehicle and started her up by running my legs like Fred Flintstone. It was instantly clear to me that I had been fooled into purchasing a fucking caveman's car.