Peacock Planet Chapter 3 Page 17

Something cold, pressure. The chill eases away and the pain starts to subside. // It's at three now on the back of my neck. //

// Good. What level was it at before the salve? //

// Nine. //

// Usually ten would be too much, and one would be slight awareness of it. You've been using a range of three to nine. Once you work with this technique regularly, you'll want to calibrate the dial so that three becomes one and nine becomes ten. Right now we know you can safely notice pain at three without being overwhelmed. The rest can be fine-tuned later. Now, try moving back into your body. //

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// Good. You've found a pain tolerance level you can move to when you need it. Your awareness can move to your body now without being overwhelming. If you move into your body now, it will be easier to handle. Can you do that now? Or do you need to focus part by part? //

I can already feel a lot of my body now. Bad, but not like it was. Not worst. I try moving my awareness all the way into my body, and almost make it. The back of my neck blocks me from doing it. // I tried. Something on the back of my neck made me stop. //

// That is where you need a painkiller salve. There's a deep contusion, probably bruised tendons. // A few moments pass. // I'll apply the salve. Tell me when the pain there changes. //

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// Ten is the highest on your dial? //

// Yes. //

// What was the level you were at when you could just barely feel it? //

// Three. //

// Move it to three, and then focus on your back. //

I feel my finger twinge at three. I can handle it but not quite ignore it. Ignoring would be at zero I suppose. Hesitantly, I focus on my back, bracing for the burst of pain in it. It's less like a wall this time and more like a wave of water that's achingly cold. Like first stepping into a pool before getting used to its temperature. // I don't like it but I can feel it. //

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// You can turn the dial down as soon as you finish the next part. Turn it up as far as you can stand. //

I make it all the way to eight and then can't stand the feeling. I bring it all the way back down to zero. // I got to eight. //

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// Turn up the dial until you feel the pain again. //

I go from zero to one to two and feel the pain up at three. // I feel it. //

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A dial. That sounds easy to imagine while paying attention to the feeling of the "bite." I think of turning the dial down, from ten to one, maybe all the way to zero. I stop feeling my finger at all around then. // Do I turn off all the pain like this? //

// You shouldn't. You'll probably never stop floating if you do that. Is the pain gone completely right now? //

// The dial is at zero and I can't feel anything. //

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I focus on the throb. A bite into my skin every time my heart beats. Like an ant bite. I can deal with it, can feel the rest of my finger as I feel the tiny point of hurt. It doesn't make me run from my body the way I did before. // I can feel it. Like an ant bite. There's a cut on my left finger. //

// Good. Can you take that pain and, while noticing it, guide it to be less pronounced? If you need to imagine a dial to turn down the pain with, that is a technique people commonly employ. It is just one way to do this. Use what works for you. //

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That's not really what I want to do. Now that I'm outside my body, I'm starting to remember traveling like this before, when they wanted me to move the concrete blocks. I would float to where the blocks were and then they would be so easy to move with my thoughts. Why can't I just move my body like that? Then I wouldn't have to feel anything. I don't want to focus on pain, I want to forget it.

// Epsilon. Focus. //

Zeta is watching, they know if I'm not doing what I'm supposed to. I hate pain. I don't want to focus on it. // How do i start? I can't make myself. //

// Start with one small part. Try a finger. A specific finger. //

Left index finger. I can feel it. I can feel my pulse in it. There's a nick on the side, near the top knuckle. It throbs slightly with my pulse. // I have one finger. //

// Can you notice exactly how much pain that finger is feeling? //

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My wrists are the first thing I'm aware of. They hurt. I feel my knees next. Bruised, aching. Stretched out instead of bent. My spine, my back. It hurts so much. I forgot they mostly got my back when they hurt me. I lose focus again and can't feel any of it anymore.

// Epsilon, you are above your body again. What happened? //

Floating, I can sort of feel how I'm hovering now. I can't feel my body. // I didn't try to move. //

// When you were in your body, did you feel anything? //

// It hurts. I lost track of it when I felt my back. // I try to focus on my body again. // Should I move down again? //

// I want you to focus on the memory of that pain. It will be difficult. I will talk you through it if you need help. //

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That's so confusing. Why would I be just two feet above my body? It seems an absurd place to be.

// Epsilon. You need to move your projection down two feet. Now. //

I try to focus on doing that. I have no idea where my body is but I can try moving "myself" downward, and I focus on feeling that movement. Just two feet. What is distance when I can't feel anything around me? Focusing on motion.

// You're moving. Go further. That speed is fine. I'll tell you when to stop. // After a few moments of me focusing on movement, more telepathy. // Stop there. Feel your body now that you're inside it. //

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// I thought so. I'm touching your shoulder now and you haven't reacted to that. Where do you perceive your body to be? //

I sense that out. I don't feel anything at first, not anything under me even. // Am I floating? //

// You are in, for convenience, an examination chair. It's common for some people to project awareness outside their bodies when faced with certain factors. Are you able to move your awareness down two feet? I can see your projection and will watch it as you try. //

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I turn back to my desk, pulling out a fresh piece of paper.

"Fuck you, the chair stays."

*UnRiiip*

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"The chair is an integral part of this whole thing! It's what implants the subtle triggers that Space Zeta uses to keep Epsilon under control, and calm down REDACTED later on! What am I supposed to put in if not the chair?!"

"...SOMETHING ELSE"

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I fling my pen down in disgust. "Then how am I supposed to move forward?" I ask, glaring down the SPIRIT in the corner.

"DON'T INCLUDE THE CHAIR"

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*Riiip*

A tear appears across the image of the next page.

"YOU CAN'T DRAW THAT"

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When I'm awake again, the static in my ears is still there, but the other sounds that kept echoing through the static are gone. Somewhere quiet. Is anyone else here or did they leave me alone somewhere?

// We're alone. You're shaking. Can you tell me why? //

// Can't feel myself shaking. // I try to take in anything else from my senses. // Can't feel. //

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// Don't move. We are under observation. // Zeta's telepathy cuts through the statis of my mind. // You're going to be transferred. I will supervise. Don't show awareness of it and this will go quickly. Reply only once. //

// Understood. //

I'm put on a stretcher by several people who, by their motions, are being very careful about their actions. They seem as concerned about restraining me as about not being seen being rough with me. There are always hands on my wrists and feet. It's weird to be handled with such caution. I consider myself a pushover, especially right now when I'm not sure I could move if I tried.

Static-word mix that might be Zeta's physical voice. I'm rolled somewhere. I lose track of the turns. I might sleep for a few moments along the way. Time is a stranger I can't keep track of.