You are either going to the bathroom with me or going to the bathroom against me

Begging everyone on the internet to stop smoothing out their middle aged men and draw wrinkles for the love of god I promise it's so fun you'll love it Come into my wine cellar

no.

Did you just DeWalt my fucking white

hey i hope this isn't a bad time but one billion points lava damage

Man c'mon

DON'T HIDE THE BEST PART OF THE POST

accidentally breathes this thing in and starts coughing

People seriously underestimate the long term effects of constant loneliness

"why are you so weird?" Idk, maybe because being completely isolated while growing up has destroyed my brain and now I'm nothing more than a human-mimicking creature that bases all of my actions on what I think is normal human behavior rather than just doing things naturally

was measuring out some sugar and i scooped out one spoonful and fucking said "two." i didn't know you could even lose count that fast

Rip in peace jebus

getting unzipped has to feel so good for the compressed file

I don't normally post photos or talk about the protest actions I participate in, but I was at the Chicago Stand Up For Science rally on behalf of my job recently and this sign took me out at the knees.

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