Key Lime

they call me an undercover agent. the way i’m. under the covers :) cozy in bed :)

they call me a sleeper agent the way i. well. i shan’t say.

my wife is constantly mocking me for how lightly done I like my toast. “your hot bread is done,” she says to me. disgusting

I want everyone who’s unearthed this after 5 years to reblog it and say “lmao me” to know that getting divorced from this person was one of the best decisions of my life

promise?

Paradox Pokémon - Witch Wings

"if tumblr dies you can find me on bluesky" "if tumblr dies you can find me on Instagram" if tumblr dies you cannot find me. It's over. I'm free.

all of tumblr: we fucking hate bots

also tumblr:

Hey, I LOVE bots when they’re just here to play with us. COMMERCIAL bots suck.

Hey, I LOVE bots when

they’re just here to play with us.

COMMERCIAL bots suck.

Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.

Btw much as I love to make fun of twitter and reddit's business decisions, I have 0% trust in tumblr's management to not go a similar route so this is your gentle reminder that you should regularly go to your blog settings to export your blog. That's a fancy way of saying you can download a backup of your blog so if everything goes down you'll still have a backup of your posts & convos.

It's gonna come as a surprise to most of you, but if you don't want to do that for whatever reason you're allowed to not reblog this post. I'm not holding a gun to your head here I'm just trying to spread the word for people who do want a backup of their stuff.

Also, made this guide for backup Tumblr blogs (ft. export blog method, and python 3 script method):

Books: Main characters must follow the plot.

Fanfiction: Okay but what if they went to IKEA and fought over furniture instead?

And we live for it 🥹🙏

im tired of him

making every conversation into being about The Character with the same reliability and conviction of a youth pastor going “you know who else partied? our lord and savior”

Hey you ever think about The Characters so much to the point where

Even worse when you can't articulate your own thoughts and it just ends up feeling like this

enough about my guts

it’s time i rearrange his penis.!!!

on it boss!

I love movies where the plot takes place in less than a day. It’s like. What if these people were experiencing the worst 8 hours of the entire lives and you got to see the highlight reel?

Even without words, we communicate through our eyes.

And some highlights from the notes:

I dreamed the Pope announced a new deadly sin called 'sluttony' and everybody was really excited to try it.

would he fucking say that? let's investigate.

update: i investigated a little too hard. this oneshot is now 6.3k words long