I forgive you when you say harsh things. I know you do not mean them, and you love me so dearly. I am, however, learning I will not apologize for being upset about the things you utter. I will not say I am sorry when your words pierce my heart, because I am not the one who breathed the words into existence. I am not the one that brought my tears. I know you do not realize you are sometimes painful. The jabs you speak are always small things, so I forgive you. But in the moment they pierce my skin, and suddenly I am the child I once was crying on the playground. You don't understand how much that hurts when I hear those words fog up the air around me because you breathed them. I am not "too much". Please do not call me " too much".

In the mood to just disappear off the face of the earth.

Its easiest to sulk in my despair alone, thank you.

"people ask if you're okay

I wish people asked

are you sad instead"

-r.h. sin, 'This Day Is Dark'

"I've been trying to figure out if there is a sort of sleep for the soul because I've been tired, rendered restless beneath a full blood moon, and I don't think closing my eyes for an extended amount of time will fix the weariness that lives in my chest."

-r.h. sin, 'This Day Is Dark'

Do you think if I ripped out my brain and smashed it to fucking hell everything would finally go quiet for one damn moment?

Road Trip Thoughts

"I wonder how many people have seen me before and wished they spoke to me."

"I wish someone would tell me what I'm like."

"Do rats ever feel sad they have to live in the sewers? I would be sad."

"That tree looks like a sleep paralysis demon."

"Do people think I'm actually a nice person to be around?"

"This shirt is a nice texture. I wonder what the fabric is."

"That car looks drunk."

My tarot cards, a blanket, the mirror, my legs, the curtains, the itchiness of this sweater, my shirt, my pants on my skin, the bed beneath me, my music, the tv, my breathing, deodorant, lemon cleaning spray, my mouth

I wonder what would happen if I never left my bed again. If I just left myself to rot away, would anyone notice?

"your existence

is a revolutionary act

even when the people you love

make you feel less than ordinary "

-r.h. sin, 'This Day Is Dark'

;

It's national semicolon day today.

Remember you are amazing, and worthy of life. You have so much to live for, even if it's shitty right now.

If you ever need any help, try to find someone to talk to. Either a professional, a guardian, or simply just a friend. It may be scary to reach out, but it really does help.

I don't give a fuck if I don't know you, you matter the world to me. I'm struggling right now too, but I really want us to be able to pull through together.

Keep at it, love. I believe in you, and I'm trying to believe in myself.

<3

;

Solitude is so comforting. I like hanging out with the people I care about, but no one can seem to fathom how much being alone matters to me. If I could, I would just spend every day by myself. Being with people is tiring, but just being with myself? It's the best company I could ever have. Sometimes my thoughts get to be a lot when I'm by myself, but I'd still chose it over being with literally anyone else any day. Yes, I still want loved ones, but they can't compare to what it's like to sit in my room with just me. I'm sorry if that sounds rude, but it's just the truth. No one I know can compare to the solitude I gain comfort from.

"I'm burned out

the flame you see

is just an illusion

something you've created

to best help you

ignore and avoid

the elephant in the room."

-r.h. sin, 'This Day Is Dark'

I have crafted myself to be someone people enjoy being around. That facade is breaking, but I hold it together with the little power I have left. To hear people say they think I'm too much or too loud or too annoying is one of the most infuriating things. I have made myself for you. I have changed myself to the point I don't know what I'm really like, and it's still not good enough. I don't even know who I am because I have put up this wall that isn't even me. There is nothing behind that wall anymore, so if you don't like it then tear the bricks down. Rip it piece from piece, but know behind it is simply a vast stretch of nothing. If you don't like the me I made for you, then you get the empty that was once my real self. You have made me what I am now, so deal with the consequences.