Pinned
it does make me very sad that i had to abandon this blog because the stress from trying to participate in fandom (in general. not just this one) was slowly killing me. it takes a massive amount of privilege to have your fandom experience be a purely enjoyable escape from everyday life rather than a cruel, constant reminder that you can only participate in your hobbies at the expense of your own safety, comfort & morals. i shouldnt have to sacrifice anything to theorise about my favourite show and post drawings of its characters online, and yet i was! everyday! and it was causing me an immense amount of grief and i had to give up yet another blog and another major interest. because even though that interest was giving me a lot of joy and inspiration, that could never outweigh the pain i was experiencing from being involved in the fandom at the same time.
Reblogged
Shout out to all the Black ppl that can no longer participate directly in the fandom they love because of the stresses of racism 👍🏾 you contain multitudes of value and I'm sorry that the color of your skin and the power of your voice makes people not want to acknowledge that.
So I've seen a couple sentiments like this in the notes (and no shame to y'all, @the-chickenshit-oddity )-
I want y'all to understand that it's ALL OF THEM. Why? Because antiblackness is societal, and people bring that antiblackness into any fandom that they enter because they are socialized in it. It doesn't start within the fandom on its own; it's not an isolated event. As for why you don't hear about it? Because people don't care about preventing antiblack racism NEARLY as much as they profess to! Not every antiblack racist event is gonna be covered on a massive scale as the Pirate Poll Blowup lmao!
9/10, you won't recognize it at all. This is because most people aren't usually willing to stick up for their Black peers. We're treated as killjoys, ruining the fun (for everyone not Black), gaslit into thinking we're overreacting, and sometimes bullied out of the space. And no one says anything because they "want to escape". Everyone thinks they're not the issue, that "if [this action] is racist, I might be racist, and I'm not racist, and so this can't possibly be racist!" And so, people would rather turn away or cruelly reject it, rather than learn and make the space safe for everyone.
Thus, Black fans feel unwelcome, disrespected, and unsafe, and we stick to ourselves, or we leave fandom altogether. And the fact that you haven't noticed it is very much a privilege on your end.
Reblogged
if you're wondering how much fun cellbit is having he just rage quited and said hes coming back on 2 weeks 🩷 he said hes not sure if he's gonna drop out of the event, but yeah...
no because you bring up a lot of good points like- Arin finally came back after months- Rubius got turned human- and it felt like neither of those things had time to really breathe- like man I've been waiting for Luzu's return for MONTHS and all of his rp felt like less then background filler because of the nature of the event not being friendly to his style of rping making it hard to really enjoy it sadly
and others have been screwed a bit as well like: Cellbit's arc he's been building up to for weeks has suddenly been put on hold including the plans he had with Roier, same with Forever returning being overtaken by the event the next day, Tubbo's search for Fred, Charlie and CodeFlippa's lore, Jaiden's federation lore with the Cucurucho's, everything with the Rebellion- they don't even get to have their minimes with them the things that seem like they were made for this event
And with the way the event is structured it's just really hard to get any ground going rpwise not because you pvp and rp are necessarily opposites they can go hand in hand very well but because you have to be so focused- like I'm not saying RP moments can't happen it just has to take a backseat BECAUSE the stakes are so fucking high in the story itself- they are fighting for the lives of their KIDS-so not only do Cellbit and Phil have a disadvantage regarding their team comp but Richas' and Chayanne's lives could be at risk
It's also a bit hard to enjoy the conflict between the characters because it's something they're being forced into and not something naturally built up too like- which yeah that's kinda the point cuz like what other choice do they have when the stakes are so high like yeah of course they'd all fight for their kids- but not only does that majorly blow for the casuals/primary rp players since they're kinda screwed it also sucks for the tryhards since they want to fight all they can but it's hard for them to not feel bad when the fights are so unbalanced in terms of skill
and like don't get me wrong, yesterday I had SO much fun and I adore how much effort the admins put into this event- I have nothing but the upmost appreciation over them and I'm sure other teams are having a lot of fun... it's just this is taking the wind out of a lot sails especially since it's going to be going on for so long
Hopefully things will turn around, otherwise it's gonna be a long 2 weeks... and who knows how enthusiastic the players who didn't have a good time will be once it's over
Anonymous asked:
wdym wilbur coming back sealed it for you??
oh i just mean that the day wilbur came back was on the same day as a major qsmp event which he was clearly not aware of and the event was awkward and loud and started two hours later than it was meant to because wilbur coming back at the same time delayed it and the two things had nothing to do with each other and disrupted each other. and by "sealed it" i mean it was clear to me that nobody learnt anything from this and it was bound to keep happening and nothing would get a chance to breathe with the major qsmp events that would all clash and happen at the same time and i was right because yesterday rubius and luzu came back and did their rp which people have been waiting for since nine hundreeddd thousandfucking years ago and it Sucked because nobody could pay attention because so much was happening and every character was involved at once and i clearly cant articulate this well but this isnt how youre meant to run rp servers at all .
i am really not having fun watching qsmp at all at the moment the administration has been horrible its soooo disorganised and nonsensical and misguided
#im not saying they arent trying hard they obviously are but theyre doing The complete wrong things#literally every characters arc has been ignored or halted or ruined because of admin intervention which is not how rp servers should work#things have been steadily going downhill for like two months imo but wilbur coming back is what really sealed it for me#mess!!! i dont wanna watch something that nobody is enjoying and i dont wanna watch something that makes no sense#mine
Reblogged thesmpisonfire
OUGH.... Cellbit saw Pac's posters, checked they were taken by Pac, kinda smiled a little, then said "Fair" and backed away
"just dont lose yourself, okay?"
"i cant. i've tried to."
"Don't forget to enjoy this, today. Cuz if you lose yourself in trying to hurt the people who took it, you might....just don't forget the good stuff, okay?"
"i cant. i've tried."
godddd cellbits recurring motif of "i cant. ive tried." whenever someone tells him not to lose himself, both the bad and the good is so.. the implication of a perpetual fruitless spiral of turning man to monster and monster to man, and failing at both because loves too deeply and instinct is ingrained into him deeper than the carvings in his knife. he cant fucking stand himself. he can't stand how he can't be normal and has to rely on drinking copius amounts of coffee to stay awake enough to not lose it. he can't stand how even in the depths of his desire for vengeance, he hears the pain in his loved ones' voices and still stops to listen. these two parts of him have to be incongruous, because he knows he was happier when he was one without the other. and yet, time and time again the people who care about him tell him not to lose himself like they view him as whole. and again and again, he tells them that he can't. because he's tried to break himself in half and it doesnt fucking work like that. and he'll continue until he destroys himself because hes fucking Tired of being whole.
Reblogged thesmpisonfire
Slimecicle: "Damn you're hot, anyways I have this medical problem and I want to get help so maybe you know good doctors or-" Cellbit: "We should kill the feds." Slimecicle: "huh?"