Oh, How I Hate You - Chapter 1
Chapter 1: Worst Proposal Ever
Gojo x bi reader | fake dating au, college au, modern au
The first time Gojo Satoru asked you out, you nearly choked on your coffee.
Before you ask, it wasn't because you were swooning for him, goodness no. You almost choked because the very idea of dating Gojo felt like some kind of sick cosmic joke.
"You want me to... what?" you sputtered, eyes narrowed as you set your drink down on the table with a little too much force.
Gojo simply grinned, completely unbothered. He was sprawled out in the chair across from you, his long legs stretched out like he owned the entire cafe. His round blind glasses were perched on his stupidly perfect nose, his white hair in the usual mess of a pompom.
"Be my girlfriend," he repeated like it was the simplest thing in the world."For three weeks. No big deal."
You stared at him. Then you blinked. What in the actual hell was this... man... saying? Then you burst out laughing.
Gojo frowned. "That wasn't the reaction I was expecting."
"I'm sorry," you gasped between laughs, wiping a stray tear from the corner of your eye. "It's just-do you hear yourself? You, out of all people, want to date me? Are you feeling okay because that is the most ridiculous thing I've heard this month?"
"Perfectly fine," he said, crossing his arms behind his head. "Come on, you're cute, I'm hot, we'd make a power couple."
Who just goes up to someone and asks to date them when you barely even know them? Apparently Gojo would.
"That sounds awful," you said bluntly, tapping a finger on the table.
You rolled your eyes, already bored by the conversation. "Let's pretend that I haven't already rejected you with my mind, why would you need a fake girlfriend? Can't you simply ask any girl from your fanbase?"
You weren't teasing him. It was a simple fact that he had a fanbase within and off campus. What kind of frat-playboy needs to ask the popular 'lesbian' out when he simply needs to flash a smile at literally anyone else?
"I mean, yeah. But this time it's a bet with Suguru. Besides, it's boring to be admired all the time, you know?" Egotistical bitch.
Suguru Geto, Satoru Gojo's best friend and right hand man in causing chaos. If Gojo was fired, then Geto was the gasoline that kept things going. Combined societies fell.
You sighed, rubbing your temples as you took a long sip of your iced coffee. "A bet? Seriously?"
Gojo leaned in, dropping his voice down an octave so that only you could hear him. "Suguru thinks I can't stay in a committed relationship for longer than two weeks. Bullshit, isn't it?" You snorted. "So now, I just need a super cool, ultra hot girlfriend to prove him wrong."
You blinked. "So... Eye candy."
"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard."
"That's fair," Gojo shrugs. "But it's also where you come in."
You scoffed, crossing your legs as you gazed at the man in front of you with an air of indifference. "Why would I help you win a stupid bet?"
"Because it'll be fun," he said, grinning. "You get to be spoiled by yours truly, make Suguru suffer, and maybe even have some fun messing with me."
You tilted your head, considering her options. Say no and walk away, continue to be bored with life, or go along with the chaos. Annoying Gojo seemed fun anyways. Still, fake dating Gojo sounds like a one-way ticket to madness.
You sighed. What a terrible idea.
"Three weeks," you said slowly, holding up your fingers. "No weird flirting, no actual kissing," you mentally gagged. "and no 'Gojo bullshit'."
Gojo's grin widened. "Define 'Gojo bullshit'."
"Everything you do, obviously."
"Rude," he scoffed, chuckling as he stuck out a pinky. "Deal?"
You hesitated, then you hooked your pinky finger with his long one. "Deal."
And just like that, you became Gojo Satoru's fake girlfriend. It was going to be a nightmare.
There were three simple rules of fake dating:
1. You will not actually fall for Gojo.
2. You will not let him get on your nerves (you were already failing at that).
3. You will not-under any circumstances-kiss him.
The first problem arose almost immediately when you realized that Gojo was fully committed to selling this whole "relationship" thing.
By the time you showed up to your History of Sorcery the next day, half the class was whispering about how Gojo Satoru was officially off the market.
You had barely made it to your seat before your friend Shoko Ieri dropped into the seat next to you, eyes narrowing.
"Alright, spill," she said, arms crossed, ready for the interrogation of her life. "What's this between you and Gojo?"
You groaned, sinking into your chair. "It's nothing, really. Just a dumb bet."
Shoko snorted. "That explains a lot."
Before you could even give her a sarcastic response, your phone buzzed. A message from Gojo.
You made a face and typed back.
You: Ew, never call me that again.
Gojo: Aww, babe, you wound me.
Gojo didn't reply, but five minutes later, he walked into class with a venti caramel macchiato, your favorite, and set it on your desk with a dramatic flourish.
"Morning, angel," he said, voice dripping in amusement as he sat next to the empty seat on the other side of you. How annoying.
You glared at him. "What are you doing?"
"Being a good boyfriend," he said, innocently, giving you his signature smirk that every girl except you would fall for.
Shoko watched the exchange with an almost unreadable expression before shaking her head in surrender. "Good luck, dear. This is going to be a disaster."
You sighed. Yeah, you already knew.
