Desperate Measures

"suffering builds character" WRONG!! LIFE EXPERIENCE AND SELF-COMPASSION!!!

touching grass isn't enough you need to fuck the grass

guy who gets increasingly confused when an 80’s song fades out so he turns it up louder and louder and gets blasted so hard by the next song starting that he dies

songs to listen to today: brutus by the buttress

making a poll that's specifically hard for tumblr users based on the things i know tumblr loves

My liege thou hast been reported to HR

My liege, thou mustn't threaten to behead people anymore, it isn't PC

Bad circulation say fuck you it's hot, fuck you it's cold, and if you couldn't tell what temperature it is I'll turn the temperature dial all the way to 100 in either direction so you can know for sure

Early spring looks me in the eyes and says, "hey, hey dog, how about I give you like a 10° weather shift so you can go from literally freezing cold for no reason, to literally boiling hot for no reason. I think you deserve it 🫶🫰"

in the 2000s you got called metrosexual just for wanting tuo fuck the underground,trains

nothing is more annoying than being "um actually'ed" on a shitpost made for fun.

UMM BUT YOUR JOKE DOESN'T WORK FOR THESE REASONS I'M GOING TO SHOEHORN IN

You joker, you absolute buffoon, I was acting like a stupid idiot for the BIT and you RUINED IT!!!! Nothing you do will ever surmount this in terms of shitability. You could spit in my tea, and you would still go down in my memory as the utter ass who fell for my Idiot Ploy. Your disrespect for the goof almost overshadows your lack of faith in my understanding of Shit People Know and Do.

Get out of my sight, Antichrist of Jesters qnd Japeries. Your need for everything to be mathematically correct all the time is holding you back from true peaks of Sublime stupidity. Join me and repent, or languish with your annotated dictionary in the corner

its fucking dember.