As I grow older I feel my capacity to understand that Miss Piggy is not a real person reached a peak in my adolescence and is now on a steady decline. I watched a Wendy Williams interview and there's this part that's like "can we get a ring cam!" and Miss Piggy shows her bling and I'm just like fuck she's so iconic. Miss Piggy who are you wearing? Miss Piggy have you ever considered running for office??

Like literally every time I see Miss Piggy there's a period where I need to readjust to the fact that it's not a person, and I feel that period is getting longer and longer with every instance

now all my Youtube recommendations are filled with Miss Piggy interviews. I’m not complaining. Miss Piggy what’s your secret to ageing so graciously

It's not just the audience; professional journalists, hosts, and actors report it is legitimately difficult to not see the Muppet as a person, and it is, in fact, incredibly easy to interview or act with them once the performer gets properly set up.

Like that one time they couldn't figure out why Kermit's audio was so garbage... then realized they'd put the mic on him instead of the performer.

this has been a very longstanding issue - before the muppet show was even a thing some muppets appeared in commercials, such as rolf the dog they had a continual problem where when people directing/shooting the dogfood commercial would give dirrection to rolf that they would be speaking to the muppet, to which rolf REPEATEDLY had to tell them ‘i cant hear you, you have to talk to him’ and point at the performer underneath him rolf is one of the most embarrassing muppets to need this direction as the performer is this, damn, obvious when not on camera

‘sir, i am a bathroom mat, the man you need to talk to is back there’

I did an interview with Gonzo one time, and when I got into the Zoom call, it was the actor on screen trying to figure out his audio. And then once he did, he went like “OKAY!” and then just like dove to the floor and it was Gonzo and there was never a moment when I doubted that the dude was just Gonzo’s tech guy 

I have met a muppet-like puppet in real life and when I tell you that my brain was hacked FUCKING INSTANTLY..... It was a person, I swear it was a person. I asked it for a hug (no i was not 5 years old, i was like 28 at this time). i genuinely don't know what came over me, it was just. It was a person???? Witchcraft

A couple years ago, I was invited to the birthday party of one of my former preschool students. I decided to bring my teaching puppet (a big rat) along because I knew several other kids from that class would be there, and she was always a huge hit with them.

They were, of course, very excited to see her. But what surprised me was that after the kids ran off to play in the sprinkler, the parents around me struck up conversation with the puppet. They continued for at least fifteen minutes, asking her questions like, "how long have you been teaching?" and "eaten out of any good dumpsters lately?" until one dad exclaimed "why have I been talking to a rat puppet this whole time!"

There's a guy who comes to the Denver Museum of Nature and Science with life size Skeleton puppets of mammoth/young T-Rex that he wears. You can fully see him in the middle of the skeleton, and it's a SKELETON, but absolutely everyone interacts with the puppets like they're living, breathing animals. I watched multiple people attempt to feed pretzels to the baby rex.

'No ethics' is culture fot MAGA.

biggest reason i make so many flop posts on here is because everything i do reeks of the desperation to make a popular tumblr post. this is deliberate, because it is what protects me from ACTUALLY making a popular tumblr post. so long as i crave it, tumblr fame will never find me. it is only when i turn away, and accept my fate of obscurity, that people will lay their eyes upon me. and it WILL be because i tripped and fell on my stupid face while i was turning

time for people to do the funniest thing ever

Do not.

buckaroos know trans wizard harriet porber, but for trans day of visibility here are some less mentioned trans tingleverse characters. LOVE IS REAL FOR TRANS BUCKAROOS

I'm getting Bury Your Gays for my birthday!

OH MY GOD.

“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

whaT THE FUCK

This story has no goddamn brakes

(transcript because I couldn’t find one in the notes)

Stephen Colbert: A lot of writers say they were nerdy kids, unpopular, like outcasts, or that sort of thing; was that your experience growing up?

BJ Novak: I think that’s exaggerated, I think a lot of people love to say, ‘oh I was such a nerd’ or ‘I was such a rebel, I sat in the back of the bus’. Most people sat in the middle of the bus. That’s how buses work. So, you know, people say-

Colbert: So you were sitting in the middle?

Novak: Yeah, that’s where I sat! I mean, I did my homework and y'know, dreamed of being a bit of a rebel. I did a very nerdy version of rebellion, which I guess is sort of my way of balancing where I sat on the bus. When I was 14, I got it in my head that I wanted a fake ID. and I committed what- the only term for it is ‘identity theft’, to get this fake ID. So this is the kind of nerd- I’ve never told this story before, this is pretty much the nerdiest way you can be like, ‘a bad kid’. I went to the Newton library where I grew up, and I went through their polling records… buckle in.

Colbert: I think you’ve already - just that sentence has violated a federal law, but go ahead.

Novak: Yeah, there’s a handful of these, and I actually tried to google the statute of limitations on this before the show and couldn’t get the WiFi.

Colbert: Okay.

Novak: So I looked up -this is true- I looked up someone that was 21 years old, through their polling records.

Colbert: And you’re 14.

Novak: I was 14 years old, I looked up someone who was 21 who had my same first name and initial, because I thought, “if I get drunk” -I had never been drunk. I was like, “if I forget my name, I can’t get busted”. So I found someone who was “Benjamin J. [something]”. So I found this guy’s name and I thought, “if I can just forge all his documents, I can go to the DMV and say I lost my license and they’ll give me a new license with his picture”, this is my plan.   So first I need to know where he’s born so I can get his birth certificate, so I call his house. I ask for him, I don’t know what i would have done, I get his brother and I say “I work with Ben, we’re doing a crossword puzzle based on his life for his birthday. Can you tell me what town he was born in?’. So he told me and I took the subway there and I got his birth certificate.

Colbert: How- You went to the- You went to like the county clerk and said-

Novak: They didn’t ask for ID, they just gave me his birth certificate. Then I opened up a mailbox in his name and wrote- I was 14, I didn’t know what i was doing- I wrote to the IRS.

Colbert: Uh-huh…

Novak: And I filled out tax forms in his name. And then I went to the DMV and said “I lost my wallet and I need to-this is all i have”. And i looked 14 years old, but I had these documents, so they sent me to the backroom with this woman who sized me up and said “I can’t give you this, you don’t even have a picture”, and then said with a wry smile on her face, “Open your wallet right now.” and like a true method actor, the only thing I had in my wallet was a library card I had signed in his name. And she approved it, and for the rest of high school I had this actual driver’s license, with my picture on it. [audience cheering] Novak: I’m glad we have some support. You have a look on your face- I don’t know if that was funny or if you just broke the law…

Colbert: It was fantastic, I just hope you have a good lawyer.

“I was 14, I didn’t know what I was doing” said of a caper pulled off with a calculated, methodical demeanor that would make Hannibal Lecter blush

So, like, this is funny. I agree it's hilarious.

But...

This is a document issued by the very same government that apparently has the time and manpower available to check trans peoples' documents against their original birth records and deny those trans people a passport as a result.

Which is it? Are you charmingly incompetent and shit happens, or is it a deliberate attack on trans people? Cause it sure can't be both.

people will say "why cant the eldritch gods just be nice to humans :((" and then kill a bug for existing near them

my dearly beloved mutual you cant just leave this in the tags

While exploring a vast and inscrutable city which seems to predate life on earth I am gently picked up by something incomprehensible with the higher-dimensional equivalent of a cup and piece of paper, then lovingly set outside in my natural habitat. Unfortunately the being exists outside of time and can't really tell human cities apart from one another so I appear without warning in ancient sumer.

Comic I made a few years ago for an anthology

oh my god this is wonderful

I know it's hard to get up early and kids don't choose their school schedule.

But 6:30 has been school wake up time for 3 years.

She's almost 16 years old.

I'm REALLY tired of the fact I that I STILL have to get out of bed 90 minutes early to wake my kid every morning. And every morning I wake her at 6:30 am. And then I wake her again at 6:40. And then at 6:45 when she's still not out of bed and I get pissy about it, she gets annoyed at ME.

"I'm getting up! I'm up! You have to get out so i can get dressed! "

You are clearly NOT getting up. You went back to sleep. Twice. AGAIN.

Ok. I felt a little bad for this complaint, because she woke up sick this morning.

Then I realized that, if we do this nearly every morning, statistically it's going to happen the day before she gets sick, pretty much every time she's sick.

this april fools reblog to let your followers know that they are not safe from getting DEERED

april fools day is actually the most sensible day of the year because it's the only day on which people will read something on the internet and stop for a second to consider whether or not it's actually true

Sometimes they don't even pay it back! They just sincerely promise not to do it again and that's fine because everyone knows you can trust rich business owners to act in the best interests of society.

Decided to organise my freezer and found a whole frozen chicken I didn't know I had. That's been defrosting in the fridge for a couple of days and it's just about done so tomorrow I gotta roast it while it's still safe to roast. That'll give me about 3 days of Delicious Roast (also: can use up the old potatoes and onions), AND a skelington. Then I gotta turn the skelington into chicken stock, and I can use that chicken stock up by making vegetable soup. But vegetable soup means I'm going to need bread. That's good because my dry yeast is getting old and should probably be used up soon,

Life is an endless parade of nested tasks.

Before offering me ways to use up food please Check The Post.

As I am about to get a freezer of my own in a couple days; Freezer Activities (tm) interest me.

I can't get the image out of my head of the vegetable soup borne of the forgotten chicken not being entirely consumed and so going back in the freezer to be, like its progenitor, also forgotten.

Actually it's gone into my Organised Freezer via my New Organisation System so it should get eaten just fine.

Of course the Organisation System will work perfectly. Why wouldn't it. These things don't routinely fail.

A freezer is not a proper freezer without at least one UFrO (unidentifiable frozen object) in the most inconvenient-to-reach corner.

When emptying out the old stuff I found what I thought was pumpkin soup but it is apparently just a silicon tub of juice

When I moved I had to clean out my freezer and I found a small bin buried in the back, of random frozen cubes in various colors that turned out to be crushed garlic and recaito.

I again have no clue where they went off to.

Nested tasks on food, lol.

That was my Saturday.

I wanted to make bread but we had half a head of cabbage that was about to go bad, and a cauliflower that was getting those little black spots cauliflower gets if you don't eat it immediately.

So I decided to make pickled cabbage and pickled cauliflower.

Then I had WAY too much diced cabbage after I ran out of jars to put pickles in.

So, I had to make coleslaw, which required me to go to the store and get Miracle Whip. (Yes. I made coleslaw with Miracle Whip. It was delicious. Don't judge me.)

Well, the Miracle Whip had a recipe for potato salad on the back, and we had potatoes that were on edge too. So I made potato salad. This required me to go back to the store for bacon. (The store is literally on the next block over. I love my neighborhood.)

While at the store, I noticed they had a whole roaster chicken on markdown. Rule in our house tends to be "if that protein is less than $1/lb, buy it. I'll figure out what to do with it later." So I bought the chicken.

We had it for dinner Sunday night. Which meant I had to make gravy, too. I'm gluten free so I make homemade gravy - its not hard.

I never did get around to making bread on Saturday. Or since, lol.

#what is it with being euphoric and being horny pretty much being the same thing in our generation #are we THIS starved of affection? are we THIS full of love to give? #maybe its the world being fucked up #and our constant need of escapism being turned into wishing for eternal vacation

People who grew up in conservative religious communities, especially those raised as girls, are taught that there's something wrong with them if they experience sexual desire, that it's shameful and a sign of brokenness to be horny, and that the only sex they can expect to ever have will be an experience they will have to disassociate from, but won't be able to say no to, with zero focus on their enjoyment, and that will eventually end in them getting pregnant over and over again, whether they want it or not.

So with that context, you might be able to deduce why being able to be openly horny and have sex that is not only not painful and traumatic, but is genuinely all about what they want and like, may be freeing for many people who were raised to be sex dolls & walking wombs.

Also, if by "this generation" you mean gen z, you guys are actually incredibly sexless compared to previous generations.

Having a healthy, active sex life is very good for you. Masturbation is good for you. Sexual pleasure is one of the few sources of dopamine we have that companies can't charge us for or monetize. It's always 100% good when people are able to have exactly the kind of sex life they want and sex is not in any way an inferior way of expressing/experiencing closeness & connection, and horniness isn't an inferior emotion either.

Can I add that being euphoric, happy and fullfil in a same-sex sexual situation is a big deal when you were raised to think gay sex is this shameful low thing that will kill your soul and degrade you as a person?

Most churches that are not as intolerant, that don't raise you to be a tradwife baby machine STILL paint gay sex as a vice that will make you miserable inside. So saying "I'm actually happy AND horny" is important.

Shame around sex is an issue in religious communities, even if you are straight, even if your church isn't as conservative. I have heard from multiple people how hard is too switch from "I have to resist sexual temptation" to "I can enjoy sex now" the minute you are married and "allowed". And I'm talking about churches that don't condemn masturbation or feminine pleasure. Shame around sex is a problem. Celebrations of sex are necessary.

Had to add prev notes cause it's too good a point to lose.