summary. you and sam are both falling out of love with each other.
Nooo my shayla number 2… Dean got one, Sam deserves one too because he’s so loved. By me. This makes me so sad. I need to write a happy one now. Pls interact :)
Sam is not a hypocrite. But he’s a terrible liar. The way he touches his hair, paces, does anything to avoid and run from you.
It’s pretty obvious, now. You know exactly what he feels, because you feel it too. Or-don’t feel it, anymore.
His kisses don’t taste the same. His lips touch yours, but they’re barely here, it’s like a ghost of their own.
His hands touches yours from time to time, but it feels like his soul is gone. His hand is here-in yours, but he’s not. He does it because he’s used to it, he does it, because it’s an automat and he doesn’t want you to know, that’s he’s fallen out of love with you.
Your kisses are heavier than his, though also ghostly.
Your hands lay his in, because you’re used to it, and because though you don’t love him anymore, it’s still Sam. He’s still the safest person around. He’s still your best friend.
You tell him you love him because it’s what you think he wants to hear. He wants to hear that you have no idea how unhappy he is. That he doesn’t love you anymore, except you do know, because you don’t love him either.
Sometimes when you’re alone, you laugh about how fucked up and ironic it all is. Because not so long ago you were just two kids trying to make it through the day. Thinking that no one could come between the two of you, and that you’d be together forever. Neither of you thought what would come between your love would be- yourselves.
It’s beautiful though, you think. That two people who once loved each other so much, who would die for each other, could tear one another apart, without saying a single word. By their actions, or their lack of.
Sam has a beautiful soul, and you’ll love his soul forever- just not, him.
Neither of you can quite comprehend how it happened. You woke up one morning, and the spark was gone- like it’d never been there in the first place. His touch, his lips and his presence felt foreign, so did yours.
He could tell, sometimes that maybe you might feel the same. Maybe just maybe he won’t have to break your heart because you also lost it- that love. But you were still better at hiding it than him.
You didn’t cry about it which was out of character. You cried about a lot of things. But knowing that it wasn’t just you- that you weren’t crazy for falling out of love with Sam Winchester, made you feel more at ease.
Anyone would think it’s crazy to fall out of love with such a perfect man. Except he’s not perfect. At the end of the day, he’s still a man. He’s human. And no human is perfect. Sam has his flaws- you have yours. Sam pushes your buttons. Sam crosses a lot of lines. Maybe that’s what made you quit.
You quit loving him, maybe you gave up, and maybe that makes you a coward, but what does that make him?
Sam feels terrible. You’re the best and worst thing that’s ever happened to him. The moment the switch turned off, he felt like he might’ve lost his mind, because no one in their right mind would fall out of love with you.
So maybe he is crazy, maybe you both are. Maybe you’re both cowards, impatient, flawed, and stupid.
Maybe, just maybe this wasn’t meant to happen and there’s a whole universe out there where Sam is the love of your life. Maybe he cooks you breakfast, and spends long mornings laying in bed with you. Maybe- in this far away universe, sam is a husband, a father to your child or children, maybe you got out.
Maybe you’re a teacher, maybe he is.
Or maybe you’re strangers and never cross paths, maybe that’s all for the better for the other you’s.
Or maybe this was meant to happen, and it’s just a great story, ending with sad goodbyes, because he’s sam, and you’re you. You’re not perfect- this was never meant to be perfect. Maybe you’ll find your way back to each other, or maybe, just maybe this is the best thing to ever happen to you.
Maybe someone better is waiting for you, or him out there. Maybe in ten years either of you will be married with kids of your own running in the backyard of the house you bought. Sam will still be on the back of your mind, wondering how he’s doing. And you’ll be on the back of his while he’s taking the children to school.
Or maybe you’ll both be alone forever, because he was your one true love, and you his.
Maybe it’s meant to happen like that, even if it’s not fair.
It doesn’t have to be easy, it just has to be done.
