[headcanons] Domestic Lokius: Loki vs mundane trivialities

Mobius: We need to pick up toilet paper.

Loki, scandalized: You speak of this necessity so casually. A god should not be reduced to scavenging for paper scraps! There should be attendants for this.

Mobius: There are. They work at Target. Come on

Mobius, handing him a sponge: This is for wiping down the counters.

Loki, holding it at arm’s length: It is… squishy. Is it alive?

Mobius: No.

Loki: It is absorbing things, Mobius. It feeds.

Loki in a grocery store, spinning dramatically in front of the frozen peas: Is this what your people call nourishment? Locked in icy tombs? Preserved like fallen warriors? Where are the feasting halls? The long tables? The firelit mead??

Mobius, holding a basket of granola bars: They’re aisle four.

Mobius: You press the button to call the elevator.

Loki, frowning at the panel: It summons a box to lift you into the air?

Mobius: Yeah. Just press-

Loki: What if it refuses? What if it hungers for sacrifice?

Mobius: It wants you to go to Costco, Loki. Not Hel.

[headcanons] Lokius but its Loki being.. well. Loki.

cut to him in the field, dirt on his face, one sleeve ripped, yelling “GET BEHIND ME MOBIUS” while stabbing a time anomaly with something thats probably cursed

Loki: Fine. I’m staying out of it.

Cue Loki casually materialising in the corner of the room mid-confrontation like, “Oh don’t mind me, Im just a decorative dagger rack”

Mobius is 11 minutes late to their usual meeting time.

Loki: already convinced he’s been pruned, mourning him like a tragic widow, composing a ballad in ancient Asgardian about “a man who smelled faintly of vanilla and mid-century repression”

Loki: I wouldnt waste time waiting.

Cue to Loki literally sitting on top of Mobius’ desk, cross-legged, reading a 900-page time law book by candlelight like a Victorian ghost wife.

Loki, full deer-in-headlights panic, blinking rapidly: Y-you cant say things like that to me, I’m made of trauma.

Loki, five hours later, pacing in his quarters in full Asgardian armor: I could kiss him. Not like I want to, of course, but tactically. For morale. Or espionage. Or-gods, what am I saying-what if I did kiss him? What if I’ve already kissed him in a branched timeline and forgotten it?! I HAVE TO GO FIND THAT VERSION OF ME-

[headcanons] Loki vs the Trivialities of Mundane Living

Mobius: You left the cap off the toothpaste again

Loki: why must I contain the paste? What does it gain from imprisonment?

Mobius: It dries out-

Loki: Then it is weak.

Mobius: You have to wait for the shower to warm up.

Loki, already stepping in: I bathed in the volcanic springs of Muspelheim. I can handle-AHHH ITS COLD GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF-

Mobius: You cant just leave your dirty laundry on the floor.

Loki, unbothered: The garments have served their purpose. They are free now.

Mobius: They are not free. They are everywhere. One’s on the ceiling fan.

Loki: It ascended.

Mobius: You can’t microwave metal.

Loki, watching sparks fly as he stares into the chaos like it’s a portal to destiny: And yet it dances. Beautiful.

Mobius: GET AWAY FROM IT.

Mobius: You forgot to put the groceries away.

Loki: They were perfectly content in the bag.

Mobius: The ice cream melted.

Loki: It fulfilled its destiny as a puddle. Not all things aspire to solidity, Mobius.

[headcanons] Loki god of being a caretaker to one (1) sniffling midwestern man

Loki, voice deadly calm: No illness is just anything. Diseases are deceptive. Cowardly. They wait for the strong to be vulnerable.

Mobius: I sneezed twice.

Loki, wrapping him in a cloak enchanted for ‘thermal vengeance’: Then the battle has begun.

Loki, dead serious: We must begin your funeral rites.

Mobius: It’s a chest cold.

Loki, already summoning a floating platform of velvet and firelight: I want them to remember you beautifully.

Mobius flirting like its a side quest.

He casually drops absolute devastation in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation and then continues on with his day.

Mobius Just slides in a “Y’know, I should put you in my case files under ‘divine mischief,’ since you seem to specialize in being all over me.” while sipping his coffee like it’s nothing.

He’s so good at sneaking innuendos into normal conversations. And it’s never the obvious ones, it’s the subtle ones that take Loki an extra half-second to process.

Loki: If you think I’m just going to sit here and-

Mobius: Oh, I know you won’t just sit there, sweetheart. You’ve got too much energy for that. Don’t worry, I’ll put you to good use.

It drives Loki insane because Mobius isn’t even trying to seduce him. It’s just how he talks. He’s not leaning in dramatically. He’s not trying to be intense. He’s just sitting there, sipping coffee, making casual observations that happen to be the filthiest thing Loki has ever heard.

[headcanons] “i married a trickster god” ok well now he’s a trickster tree how’s that working out for you

Once sat on a wooden bench, let out the longest sigh in existence, and muttered, “I guess this is the closest we’ll ever be again.” People thought he was being poetic. No, he was being dead serious.

Sometimes Mobius will “sweep” up leaves, but only the ones that “look like they’ve been touched by Loki.” He claims it’s “just cleaning up after him.” The rest of the TVA staff is deeply confused.

When he gets upset, Mobius starts walking into forests or dense wooded areas. Just to be “closer to him.” He doesn’t care if the trees aren’t actually Loki, he swears he can feel the connection.

Refers to shade as ‘Loki’s embrace.’ OB is begging him to stop.

Absolutely takes road trips into timelines just to look at trees. “I think he’d like this one.”

A single leaf landed on his shoulder and he just softly whispered, ‘Hey, you.’

Sometimes he just looks up at the sky and says, ‘You’re still such a dramatic son of a bitch.’ But he’s smiling.

[headcanons] Mobius ‘tree husband update: hes still a tree.’ M mobius 1/2

A branch fell on him once and he deadass said ‘alright, babe, I get it, message received.’

If he ever gets a splinter, he just winces and whispers, ‘damn, babe, not so rough.’ Everyone around him wants to be dead.

Started carrying around a little notebook labeled “Field Guide to My Husband” where he sketches out particularly impressive trees. When asked about it, he says he’s “cataloging Lokis moods.”

Once dramatically pressed his hand against a tree and whispered, “Miss you, babe.” A family walked by. A child started crying.

Gets visibly upset when someone talks about “cutting down” problems. “You don’t cut things down. You let them grow. You nurture them. My husband would have said the same.”

He 100% starts a collection of random twigs and leaves he finds on his desk. Won’t throw them out. “Could be from him,” he says. It’s from a completely unrelated indoor plant.

He has started slipping tree metaphors into casual conversation. “Yeah, we’re all just growing at our own pace, y’know? Some of us are oaks, some of us are willows, some of us are-” B-15 leaves the room.

so what if my husband is a tree now. what then. (More headcanonical things Id like to imagine mobius doing to cope)

[Headcanon] mobius m. mobius: grieving through botany and bad puns

Id like to imagine that Mobius does not know how to grieve properly so now he’s just out here coping through tree jokes like that’s a normal thing to do when your husband becomes the literal fabric of time itself

someone asks where Loki is, he just sighs wistfully and says, “oh, he’s putting down roots.” sir. sir. your husband became the literal god of stories, exists outside of time, and you’re out here making arborist puns.

“he used to be a real piece of work, y’know? now he’s just a piece of wood.” sir.

Id also like to think he doesn’t just make tree jokes casually, he commits to the bit.

someone mentions needing paper and he’s like “funny, my husband used to be paper-adjacent.” EXCUSE ME???

“guess he finally settled down, huh?” MOBIUS, PLEASE.

when he actually goes outside, he has a moment every single time. wind blowing through the trees? “there he goes.” a random acorn falls on him? “he’s sending me gifts.”

and she just sighs, shakes her head, and says, “tell your tree husband I said hi.”

and mobius, without missing a beat, just murmurs, “he says hi back.”

[Headcanon] Loki refuses to call things by thier proper names, and It drives Mobius Insane

Loki knows what things are called. He just deliberately refuses to say them correctly.

Jet skis? “Your primitive sea chariots.”

TV remotes? “The feeble sorcerer’s wand.”

Microwaves? “A box of searing radiation.”

Seatbelts? “Shackles of oppression.”

Mobius corrects him every single time.

Mobius: Loki, just call it a jet ski.

Loki: I did.

Mobius: No, you didn’t.

Mobius has aged ten years from this alone.

[Headcanon] Loki is Over-the-Top Dramatic when he’s sick, and Mobius is too old for this

Loki never admits to being sick, but when he finally does? It’s the end of the world.

Mobius comes back to find Loki in a dark room, dramatically sprawled across the couch like a dying Victorian noble.

Mobius: Loki, it’s a cold.

Loki: I am fading, Mobius.

Mobius: You’re literally fine.

Loki: I require a healer, a silk robe, and possibly a eulogy.

Mobius sighs, makes him soup, and turns the TV on to distract him. Loki watches five minutes of a soap opera and suddenly has new inspiration for his suffering.

Mobius: That man just got shot in the chest and is still standing. You have the sniffles.

Loki: I am a god, Mobius. My suffering is far greater.

Loki and the violence of physicality.

From the very start, Lokis experience with touch is about power & possession.

Loki learns, very early, that touch is something that happens to him, not for him. That it is a way to move him into place, to contain him. Even when someone means well, it is still a form of control. Until TVA Loki, rarely has he been touched in a way that feels safe. That feels like choice.

when he falls, touch is punishment.

when Loki grieves, no one really touches him with kindness. When he dies, it is by force: stabbed, choked, crushed.

Touch has only ever been about control, submission, violence, or restraint. So of course, Loki learns to be untouchable. He learns to be slippery, a trick of the light, a flicker. He makes himself untouchable before anyone can reach for him first.

Loki does not naturally touch others. When he does, it is intentional, weaponized, or performative.

Lokis hands hold weapons before they hold people, his illusions and projections: they make him untouchable even when he is standing right there. Romance? seduction? typically a tool. it is all performance.

Loki doesnt just avoid touch he redefines it, because if he is untouchable no one can take anything from him ever again. This is a man who has been handled his whole life, so what does he do? he becomes a man who is impossible to hold.

Loki does not seek comfort through touch, he does so through manipulation, words, through proving he is smarter than you. He does not ask for closeness, he makes himself something interesting, undeniable, that you will come to him.

Until TVA loki, if he touched you, it was to hurt you, to trick you, to control you. He touches to remind people he is now the one in control.

Loki and the Deeply Valid Fear of Being a Government-Issued Android Without Knowing It

Imagine living for over a thousand years, committing intergalactic crimes, then one random underpaid TVA clerk with a monotone voice suddenly introduces the possibility that, oh, by the way, what if you were secretly a robot this whole time? And Loki, who has always carried himself with the absolute certainty of a god, pauses. Like. “Wait. What if I am?”

He hears that question and immediately does a full mental diagnostic. Have I ever glitched? Ever felt oddly mechanical? Experienced an unusual fondness for oil? Maybe he’s too good at lying. Too good at surviving. What if that’s just the programming?

The TVA worker just moves on. He doesn’t elaborate. no reassurances. theres no safety net. Just the terrifying possibility that he might get instantly vaporized for something completely outside his control.

Id like to note, his hesitation isn’t even just some random existential crisis, it’s trauma-informed. This man already lived through the experience of waking up one day and realizing he wasn’t who he thought he was.

He grew up thinking he was a prince, a god, Odin’s rightful son, only to find out he was actually a stolen relic of war. A Jotun. A creature he’d been taught to hate.

He thought he knew himself before, and he was wrong. What if he’s wrong again? What if theres something else about himself thats been hidden? If he didn’t realize he was a Frost Giant, whats stopping him from not realizing he’s actually some highly advanced synthetic being?

It’s not just a funny existential gag, it’s a callback to one of the most devastating truths of Loki’s existence:

He has never really known who he is.

It’s the muscle memory of having his entire identity ripped out from under him. It’s the learned fear of asking, What am I, actually?

Because the last time he asked that question, the answer ruined him.

02 you get mad one time and now your chaos god husband won’t stop giving you bedroom eyes

imagine: loki, once he realizes mobius is fine, immediately pivots to being smug about it.

Loki smirking, tilting his head.: Didn’t know you had that fire in you

mobius: drop it. loki, smirking:  drop what, exactly? drop to my knees? if you insist- mobius: Loki. loki, grinning wider: Mmm, say my name like that again.

mobius thinks losing his temper was the worst part of his day. he is incorrect. the worst part of his day is loki finding it hot.

How to train your Loki: step one, keep a hand on him at all times uwu

TACTILE HUSBANDS MY BELOVED

Mobius says "buddy" but his hands say "mine"

It has become evident that Mobius M. Mobius operates under the belief that maintaining constant physical contact with Loki Laufeyson is both necessary and expected. Mobius is just as bad as loki, maybe worse, because he does it so casually.

Mobius treats touching Loki like it’s part of his TVA-issued training. Standard protocol. Routine maintenance. mobius is so handsy with Loki. like absurdly so. like “i was assigned this god and now i must handle him at all times” levels of physical contact.

Mobius executes all physical contact with the effortlessness of someone who has done this a thousand times before. He never hesitates, never second-guesses. It’s all instinct

The man does not need to look at Loki to reach for him. Half the time he’s still talking, barely paying attention, but the hand lands. It’s automatic. Muscle memory.

Mobius does not believe in personal space when it comes to Loki. If Loki is within grabbing distance, he is grabbing.

Mobius M. Mobius touches Loki like it’s his job. Like it’s second nature. Like he doesn’t know how not to. like he’s saying you don’t have to go. And Loki, who spent lifetimes being untouchable, unreachable, a trick of the light, lets him.

Mobius never holds him down, he grounds him. every touch is steadying, reassuring, saying Im here, I see you, I know you.

Imagine being loki. you are untouchable. you are elusive. you have spent your entire existence slipping through people’s fingers, refusing to be held. and then you meet this man. This ridiculous little TVA agent who just. grabs you. and doesn’t let go. and for some reason??? you let him. it’s all so quiet, so natural, like neither of them ever learned another way to speak. so they just touch. in small, unconscious ways. like it’s normal. like they’re allowed.

This is husband behavior. this is emotional support norse god-wrangling behaviour. this is “stay close to me” behaviour.