Sorry Mom. Sorry God.

exercising my active listening by sending 👀👀 in the group chat

i always click the "track package" button as soon as i get the email. "oh boy i wonder where my package is!" warehouse.

This is just very funny to me.

she’s right

that’s her. the Task Manager

I need straight people to shut the fuck up about chappell roan. I'm tired. "She's not using her platform" she was raising money for gaza at concerts with her friendship bracelets. "She's using the queer community" bitch she's a lesbian drag queen she IS the community. "She's so entitled now" she literally just won a Grammy and used that speech advocating for living wages and healthcare for all artists. What the fuck are you doing? Other than tone policing people actually putting the work in?

my little brother came into my room last night to tell me that he was gonna sew a stack of my mom’s saltine crackers together through the little holes and then left again

i ended up distracting my parents so he could put the crackers back in the little sleeve like hed only taken one from the top. i dont know if anybodys found them yet but i talked to him about it later and it turns out that theyre sewn together TIGHTLY. like. the ENTIRE stack through ALL the holes

it has been three days and my mom has still not discovered the sewed together cracker stack in the box in the cupboard

I’m DESPERATE to see the sewn crackers

i have no idea how he accomplished this

there seems to be some confusion on how old my little brother is. my little brother is 19, one year younger than me, and is an undergrad in uni. he just likes to cause problems on purpose

it has been a month and two weeks since i made this post and i opened the cupboard today and noticed that the crackers were opened and a bunch had been carefully slid off the threads. i went over to my brother and was like ‘dude holy shit did she find them???’ and he was like ‘i dont know!!!’. cue my mom coming back down the steps wanting to know what we were saying about her. we had to tell her, and apparently this was what happened:

a week or so before, my dad, who is an EXTREMELY smart and well-read guy, found the crackers and assumed they were a manufacturing defect. like he told my mom that he thought it was interesting how the machines using thread to line up the crackers for the sleeves forgot to cut the thread before they went in the sleeve for the box. my mom was like ‘idk……i think i sense some shenanigans…..i dont know from who or how but theres some shenanigans going on in this house’ and he was like ‘no really thats so interesting how they must use thread to do stuff at the cracker factory’. he didn’t take the sleeve out before opening them up, and therefore didnt see the tape closing up the other side. when he came downstairs my brother took the sleeve out and showed him, and he was mildly surprised, like ‘huh i just assumed thats how they made the crackers lol’ and he just went on with his life. the cracker saga has been consuming me for the past month and after all that this was how it ended. idk what i expected but at the same time somehow this was a fitting end

I had not seen the ending and it’s THE BEST

My favourite harmless prank I've heard of was done by this girl whose dad was a geologist, and they'd go on day hikes with his geologist friends/co-workers and when she got bored on them she'd habitually pick up a random rock and go ask him what it is, and one of them would explain what kind of a rock that is, how it probably got here, and usually some notions of the more unusual features the rock had, if any.

And she had a friend who had once gone on a tourist trip to Iceland and brought back a volcanic rock. So she borrowed the rock and took it with her on the hike, and after two randomly picked up "hey dad what rock is this", she presented the volcanic rock, in the same fashion as all the others.

3 minutes later there are five middle-aged and older men circled around this mysterious rock, all agreeing on what it is, but not why it is. They keep asking her questions, where did she find it? Were there any other rocks around there that looked like it? Was it like this on the ground? People walking past the group try to stretch their necks to see over the geologists' shoulders to see what's the source of such amazement.

And in the end she couldn't take it anymore, burst into laughter and confessed. The geologists agree that it was pretty clever.

Geologist enrichment

Idk who needs to hear this but bisexuality includes trans people. Not "it can" include trans people or it "sometimes" includes trans people. It does. It always has. Any bisexual who says there's doesn't is just a transphobe and doesn't fucking represent what we're about.

'Pansexuality is like bisexuality, except it includes trans people' was one of the biggest brainrot takes of the mid 2010s on this hellsite, truly.

When the pharaoh is being a bitch so you bring out the tzefardea

today i ran barefoot down the middle of the highway into oncoming traffic to scoop this thing

to be loved is to be changed, etc

8 weeks old today btw

she grew up!

god i never told you guys but a couple weeks ago at work i heard a guy say, and i closely paraphrase, "So I was out with my partner--republicans hate it when i say that. My heterosexual partner Jessica--" and i was straight up crying before he finished his sentence. fully diegetic convergent linguistic evolution live in the workplace

"thats her name heteroooo jessica thats her name folks thats what we call her hertero jessica"

Can you GAYS stop posting drag race spoilers

rupaul fucking DIES

citationless behavior

sourceless behavior