Humans are Space Orcs: Disability in Aliens and Humans

All language is Universal Interplanetary Language unless otherwise specified. Written like a play.

[Kell, human, in the staff break room of a planet-sized spacecraft where they work as a technician. An alien walks in and jumps. Kell doesn't notice.]

Alien, under their breath: what the fuck since when did we have a human on board?? I thought we employed fynta as security…

[Kell turns around and sees them. They wave. The alien stares. Kell puts down their cup and types something on their watch.]

Kell (text to speech, aka TTS): hey, what's up? can I help you?

Alien crewmate: what is this ritual you do every evening and morning after you eat?

Human crewmate: I'm brushing my teeth!

Alien: brushing your mouth bones? Do they have hair???

Human: no, you remember how humans have bacteria in their mouths?

Alien, shuddering: yes, I remember.

Human: well if we don't clean our mouth bones the bacteria slowly destroys them!

Alien: your biology is truly unhinged.

Ran across a ‘humans are weird/space orcs/humans in space’ post the other day talking about how humans make up games if they’re stuck somewhere with nothing to do and it just got me thinking about that one game and how aliens would be so baffled

As in THE game, you all know the one (for those reading this I’m so sorry to make you lose ‘the game’ again, if it’s any consolation I have now lost ‘the game’ making this post myself) and just how baffling that is from a non human perspective can you imagine it-

this is for fun? And it’s not even a game game? It’s just saying you lost the game/mentioning ‘the game’ and humans will get irrationally annoyed/upset/angry about it like-

Brian: hey Lee, guess who just lost the game?

Lee: what gam- OH YOU ASSHOLE I HAD A STREAK OF FOUR YEARS GOING!!!

Every alien in the room: ??????

Earth is space Australia: Extremophiles

I love this idea. I can't help but wonder how aliens would react to Extremophile species (a species that thrives in extreme environments).

Like, perhaps earth is already considered an "extreme" planet. And humans are already considered by the rest of the galaxy to be an extremophilic species ("Humans can survive nearly anything. It's quite intriguing/fascinating." - a viewpoint shared by many humanologists) and at some point some human crew members are approached by the rest of the crew...

"Is there anything you humans can't survive? You seem to be quite a hardy species," Quarm states. Xe is simply a curious individual.

"What, us? We're actually kinda weak when it really comes to it. I mean, sure we can adapt to most environments, but there's some places that even we can't handle for very long. Like the vacuum of space. Or in volcanoes." Answers human Josefine.

"Or the ocean vents!" Another of the human crew, Steven, adds.

"Yeah, those too!"

Quarm chuckles just a bit, "ah, but that isn't an expectation of any species. Such extreme heat and pressures are simply inhospitable to any individual."

"I mean, pretty much, yeah..." the human's response is concerning to Quarm.

"Human Josefine... why are you saying it like that..?" Quarm isn't sure they want the answer.

"I mean... extremophilic species are a thing that exist."

"Extrem- Are.... Are humans... not? Extremophiles???"

"Uhhh No??"

Quarm wasn't ready for his next question to be answered, but that's a given for any question about the Humans' Homeworld.

"Then... What is?"

"I mean, tardigrades can survive in a vacuum... I’m not really the person to answer this. Steve?"

Human Steve smiled broadly as he began his rant about iron-shelled Snails that live in Volcanoes, varying deep-ocean species (that all seem alien in and of themselves), and several others.

Quarm is now incredibly fearful for these "Docuseries" human Steve is wanting to share...

been binge reading all those alien meet human posts recently and it made me wonder how aliens would react to human fear/hurt.

humans are fragile.

humans are fragile and somehow, by attitude alone they somehow manage to outgrow the confines of their physical bodies. Their bravery and intelligence make them seem so so much bigger than they actually are. Fancy weapons and body Armour and their ability to work in groups up to such an extreme makes them seem like they're more than they are. They'll packbond with anything too- too friendly for their own good somehow it never comes back to bite them.

But they really are just flesh and bone and heart under all that armour.

Imagine a human gets hurt. They get hurt and they get scared. So, so scared that they won't let anyone near them. It was like watching a wild animal, primal and instinctual in a way that humans rarely ever show. Sure, they get protective but they still keep their head on, still think it through. But they were just doing things right now- punching things with a bony fist that looked somehow smaller now. Humans make ot a point to go against anything that should be their nature, seeing them lean into that deep seated natural instinct to fight was chilling to say the least.

Another humans and aliens post because im hooked on it still.

Humans are friendly. Really friendly. Theyll make friends with anything that can move. They pack bond like crazy and they seem to understand their emotions better than any other species and tend to be the therapist of the ship.

So, why is it that, on the ships, with more than a couple humans on it, are the ones that have the most fights.

Humans are so friendly, you could probably do just about anything to them and they wouldnt even so much as blink. But one human woke up another human too early one day and they both ended up in the medbay. The worst part is- they were back to being friends again not even a full day cycle later.

There had been another fight between a couple of other humans too, but this fight wasnt physical. It was a screaming match, or atleast thats what the humans called it. This fight wasnt even physical but the humans involved in this one had cried in this one. They did not go back to being friends afterwards. It made no sense- but what made even less sense happened a week later.

A team of humans showed up for a 'debate'. To the aliens understanding- it was a series of arguements over a couple of prepared questions. Every alien on the ship expected there to be more tears and more sadness- but instead the humans cheered on the debate and the people screaming at eachother laughed about it afterwards.

Any alien with enough sentience on the ship that day remembered the fact that despite being as friendly as they were, humans are still very, very unexplored territory.

Why Wayne got socks in the jacuzzi

those are his hooves you bitch

happy 10 years of those are his hooves you bitch

why the FUCK am i still on here

Disabled lives are not inherently filled with suffering and when they are it’s usually because someone put it there.

Somber (22x28 inches oil on wood, sold)

I believe in gentle parenting. Unfortunately many people refuse to parent their child at all under the guise of gentle parenting. Sometimes you’ve got to look your fourth grader in the eye and say “Little dude, that was an asshole move.”

the other side

Both equally important feedback to give children.

I know most people don't care about anything unless it has to do with the U.S. but can we please start talking about the Canadian election.

Please don't vote for Poilievre. He's basically the Canadian Trump and plans to put in place laws that harm trans youth, and lots of other shit.

Please vote istg this is the only way anything will get better. Poilievre has been kissing millionaires and billionaires asses. He'll make life even harder, and he loves Trump.

Reblogs are appreciated, especially if you aren't Canadian.

The Blue Spirit putting out firebending with a bucket of water is the absolute funniest thing ever done in avatar combat. It just is.

oh my god @murple

Phil Davies

"The Egret was in shadow and the background was in full sun"

okay it’s come to my attention that absolutely NONE OF YOU know ANYTHING about how cutie marks work. let me say this simply. a cutie mark isn’t a job being assigned, it’s a special TALENT OR SKILL that the pony enjoys. Most of the time it has a directly transferable job for that skill, like if you enjoy baking and are super good at it WOW! baker. If you are really good at writing and telling stories, author. However, there are some cutie marks that could go multiple ways.

twilight sparkle has exceptional magic ability, so she became a scholar, but she could really do anything that required a good magic skill. same with rainbow dash, her weather controlling job isn’t directly linked to her cutie mark, but it does fit the bill for the job.

i was posed the question of what would a murderer pony’s cutie mark be and wouldn’t everyone know. NO. if somehow murder were to be a special skill, the cutie mark might be something like a knife or a shovel. other ponies might just assume you’re good a cooking or gardening. now with cutie marks like apple jacks, their family has a ‘green thumb’ kind of deal so obviously the cutie mark would be hereditary.

so, the reason i made this post. walter white pony’s cutie mark would NOT be blue crystals. it would be a CHEMISTRY FLASK.