Intro

Hi, I'm @shitilyposting, but you can call me Phrogg or Arcane. I'm 20 years old and I'm a university student. I made this account to share my random thoughts and yap abt whatever. I go by any pronouns, so u can call me whatever u want lol.

In my free time, I like to game, listen to music or write books. Generally I like fiction in any form, fantasy and fanfiction. When it comes to gaming, I have to have a click with the game, I guess? I like

When it comes to music, same soup. I like a variety of genres and artists, especially

As a writer, I also offer beta reading services. For more info, check out my linktree. You can find my other socials there, for both the beta reading services but also just other things that I post :)

Linktree:

Let's be friends!

Hi everyone! I'd love to make more online friends with who I can call, play video games and just chat with. Thus, I thought I could make a discord server for that :)

About me:

If you're interested, let me know and I'll start making the server :)

So I had my suspicion that I was into women ever since I was like 16 but was never sure, yk? I only dated guys and never really got a chance w a woman. Because of that, I often doubted if I was really into a woman and if I was really bi, yk, so I decided to drop the labels cuz they made me feel insecure.

I kissed a girl for the first time almost a week ago and it made me realise like "damn, I'm so fucking gay.". I love women. I want a woman. I'd marry a woman. I can be specific as fawk w my type, but if I'd find a girl like that, I'm folding ASAP.

I saw someone post something that helps them lose weight and that resonates w me so well. It's basically "don't eat when u don't need the energy. Eat to live, not live to eat." and that genuinely is such a valid point.

Because if you think abt it, humans do need food ofc, but it's main and only goal is to keep you alive. You can enjoy it, obviously, but at the end of the day, this shouldn't be your main goal in life. You need it to survive n that's all.

I never understood people with an 3D until a few months ago. I didn't understand why you'd want to ⭐ve yourself in order to be thin, as I loved food and thought that you just needed to do better. I loved food and didn't see the point in wanting to hurt yourself for it, nor did I find the strength in myself to be able to do that.

That until I gained too much weight. It was gradual and I tried to ignore it, telling myself that it's "fine" and that it'll just go away eventually. I was on antidepressants because of my anxiety and often found comfort in food, especially sweets and such. I enjoyed them and that's that. I eventually became overweight and while I tried to accept myself as is and try to do better, I just couldn't stand the view in the mirror. If that wasn't enough, I started to hate the fact that I struggled finding pants and such that fit and looked good on me, and my mother also started fat shaming me. A lot. I delayed doing anything purely out of spite, to prove her a point. Eventually it did get to me.

Although I was often in denial about how I treated my body was giving 3D, I talked to a friend who used to struggle with it and she said it sounded like balls deep 3D. Although I still weighted a lot, I found a certain comfort in starving myself, punishing myself if I ate too much by working out harder and eating less the next day. It made sense, but I decided that if I was going to struggle with it and have that label, I might as well do it properly. Avoid food even harder, consume less sugars, smaller meals, count my calories and move a lot. While I still don't count the exact calories I eat in a day, I avoid eating foods above 100 kcals (but obviously the lower, the better) and keep drinking water and soda's that have no sugar to try and forget. The feeling of hunger feels so nice now and I feel like I'm finally doing it right when I feel it, along with feeling shaky and dizzy/lightheaded.

So my best friend and I don't text/talk constantly or like, very often (we both need a few business days to reply sometimes, especially her), but we have such a strong bond in the sense that I just saw her for the first time in about 2 or 3 months the other day and we just talked like nothing happened. We didn't text for like 3 weeks, then talked on and off for a couple of days and saw each other after I was done w the gym and she was in the area after an appointment. I saw her and we immediately started chatting as if we just saw each other yesterday and do so on a regular basis.

Anyhow, we'll have a sleepover on monday at her house and I'm super excited to spend more time w her again. If this isn't true friendship, idk what is.

Ok so POV. I have a bf who's autistic, and I have a suspicion that i might have it as well, but no diagnosis whatsoever. So recently I send him a meme about a road sign about autistic kids living on that street, and he basically goes like "lol we'll have to put that for our kids later on."

I jokingly say like "I love how you're so sure that they'll have it too.". Blud goes "well you know, autism + autism = autism.". HUMBLED.

I asked him why/how he's so sure I got that dawg in me cuz i have no papers abt it, and he just goes "it's a peer review. You're a lot like me. Autism." then made jokes abt it not being the first time I have no papers :skull: I'm a foreigner (legally btw, before y'all come for my throat), but don't have the nationality yet.

I don't think I'll ever fully understand motherhood unless I become a mother myself, because why did my mom treat me the way that she did?

How exams got me feeling lately

Not me tweaking the other day because I was looking at my ex's Linkedn and noticed he works for a company not very far from my dorm, just outside the city I study in. We broke up a solid amount of time ago and don't keep contact anymore, but he was my first long term relationship (almost a year and a half, which is solid for 17 year old me who had relationships who didn't last more than 3 months up until him), and he shaped my perspective on relationships and love a lot.

I was straight up stressing cuz I live near a shopping centre and I was worried abt the chance that I might bump into him there (hasn't happened yet, but then again I've only been here for like what, 3 or 4 months?), but then felt better when i noticed he was working hybrid, which probably means it's mostly remote-work.