stop trying to be palatable, stop trying to be palatable, stop

i give u full permission to be weird. i am signing your permission slip

happy april fools. please take this egg

hahahahahha………………..

youve been fooled………………by the april fools beeper……………..it was a fully grown bird the entire time…..no egg………………it tells u it hopes u hav a good april 1st

Ive had this saved since last year

it really is crazy how quickly people were willing to just let chatgpt do everything for them. i have never even tried it. brother i don't even know if it's just a website you go to or what. i do not know where chatgpt actually lives, because i can decide my own grocery list.

Just Like You Imagined (Live Rehearsal for the Fragility Tour)

I feel like in the rush of “throw out etiquette who cares what fork you use or who gets introduced first” we actually lost a lot of social scripts that the younger generations are floundering without.

A lot of tough situations where we now feel like we “don’t know what to do or say” had social scripts just a couple of generations ago and they might have been canned phrases or robotic actions but they could still be meant sincerely and unfortunately we haven’t replaced them with any more sincere or easier new script.

a lot of people are giving examples in the notes of things they just find annoying like not using headphones in public, but OP is talking about actual literal scripts of things to say in awkward situations

if you have a date or two with someone and you don't see a relationship developing? most millennials / gen Zers just end up ghosting. but a social script that might have been taught and rehearsed in the past could be:

"I really appreciated getting dinner with you the other night and I enjoyed your company, but I'm afraid I didn't feel a spark. I wish you the best, and hope you find that special someone!"

like it sounds kind of trite but it was at least something to say and it can still be meant with kind sincerity. it also communicates in 2 sentences that you don't want to see them romantically again, but there aren't any hard feelings about that. that's it!!! that's all it takes!!!

Another example is that at parties a lot of people talk about how awkward it is to mingle or talk to people they dont know. But at old timey parties that was traditionally the HOST'S job, and there was a specific scripted way of doing it that eased the process! The host would bring you in, introduce you and maybe even a little bit about you like what you did for a living, and then guide you to a group you could talk to. They didn't just let you in the door and then ditch you to fend for yourself in a sea of strangers. That would be unthinkable and no one would be surprised if a get-together like that wound up being awkward.

I still do the party-host thing and yall can, too! (Thanks Mad Men for teaching me a lot of outmoded social scripts... no really tho)

Remember things about your friends! Ask people about their weekends, hobbies, holidays, studies, and jobs! Listen for the concerns people have and what they are working on! Draw connections between one person and another to get the ball rolling. "Oh, Maura, you just got your first cat! You should talk to Felix, he used to work at a rescue. Felix, please tell Maura all the new-cat-guardian pointers."

"Bill, Sheila, Xan, this is my friend Kale. Kale is really into Star Trek, Bill you and them should talk about it!"

Orrr whatever! After you make the introduction and draw the connection you just float on into the next interaction with someone else at the function. Just listen, care about your friends, get our of your own head, and think of how you can bring other people together and you will feel 100% less awkward.

hi i am so excited about this post because i have posted this exact thing MANY times on here, often in the specific context of how formal etiquette is so useful for autistic people especially, but also for everyone. even if you come off a little bit formal, which you will sometimes, having Old School Manners (or just knowing what they are) for various common scenarios is like having a magic ticket that will just sail you through all kinds of social iinteractions, gatekeeping, social weirdness, and as is pointed out in the above posts about introducing people to each other, can make you into a really valuable and helpful person for an entire gathering or group of people.

i also want to point out that knowing what the polite thing to do in all situations makes you a lot more effective at being rude and obnoxious when the situation calls for it, which is also a valuable and necessary adult skill

I need to think about this properly, but I posted a while ago about how we did present practice once (roleplayed various ways to receive presents with the kids, practicing different social scripts). I am comfortable in my position that this is a perfectly reasonable game to teach children, and that the skills received are useful in life. I heard from a lot of people saying this was a good idea, and a few people who hated it because it was “training the kids to be artificial”, “not genuine,”etc.

One person in particular really felt passionately about how abusive this game was. It was abusing the children, they wrote to me, and as a neurodiverse person they felt such social expectations were violently oppressive.

I felt like there was more to it, like their reaction was really about something else, so i went to their blog, and they had a lot of posts about how they are autistic and used a mobility aid and service animal. All of these presented challenges. They obviously had a lot going on in their life, none of which is to do with my family, but what got me was their venting about people interacting with them, their service animal and their mobility aid.

“People look at my service animal all the time,” they said angrily.

“Parents, teach your children IN PRIVATE about my mobility aid, not out loud where I can hear it.”

“Children bump into me in public. Nobody is teaching them to accommodate disabled people.”

“Children are overstimulating to me. There should be areas where children don’t go if they can’t behave properly, or if they’re too young for that, if their parents can’t control them.”

“I shouldn’t be expected to accomodate other people in public. People have to accommodate me.”

So I realised: okay, there’s a massive disconnect here, and it’s nothing to do with me.

But more broadly, on this website, people do appreciate that a well-behaved adult is someone who can accomodate other people. Well-behaved children and nicely-trained adults don’t pet service animals. Respectful people are conscious of how to give space to people with canes. Polite people wait for others to finish sentences. People with good manners behave graciously with minor inconveniences, even if they don’t want to. If a human being is a bundle of “natural impulses” then a person with additional training can control those. A human with reasonable social training can politely control their impulses to pet animals, make loud comments, and stare at things that are different.

This person was quite reasonable in their genuine belief that other people should accommodate their needs. And they’re right! People genuinely should be doing more for them - calculating how much space they need, yielding it graciously, and sensitively picking up on the fact that they could use patience, attention, space, and accommodation. This person and their service animal should be treated with more respect and better manners everywhere they go!

But all of that is training. To get everyone to do that involves teaching behaviours that are considered “polite” and explaining how “natural” impulses aren’t always polite. It’s a process of education, it isn’t innate to the animal, and someone has to do it. It’s usually taught in childhood, often by parents. You could, perhaps, make it fun though.

You could try teaching it as a game.

The last couple of generations have been raised to prioritize safety and comfort over everything else. A lot of us didn't have parents who had the time to teach things like manners and social niceties. Then it started getting stripped out of schools. Combine that stuff and you get a couple of generations with social anxiety and no idea why they're lonely.

I highly encourage anyone who didn't get these lessons to find books on it. A lot of the stuff is old, but you can update the language once you learn what you're supposed to be saying in the first place. I'm an autistic who read all of those old ass books from the 40s through the 70s on manners in different settings. My mom wasn't really good at any of it for some very good reasons so I never learned it from her and I was sick of getting in trouble for being "ornery" and "uncouth." I'm sure there's a bunch of videos and updates stuff now, but I learned via books.

i cant quit tumblr because i get good life advice from other maladjusted adults on here

TOMORROW IS HALLOWEEN!!!

Tomorrow is March 28th

trent reznor compilation: green 💚

I'm singin' in the rain, just singin' in the rain, What a glorious feelin', I'm happy again.

Singin' in the Rain (1952) dir. Stanley Donen & Gene Kelly

Ao3 does not need an algorithm, you're just lazy

Ao3 does not need a 1-5 star rating system, you just want to bring down authors writing for FREE

Ao3 does not need automatic censorship, it is an archive, therefore anything can be posted

Writing or reading about something illegal does not mean the author nor the reader condones it, if that were true, you could never read a story involving anything negative

Purity culture is ruining fan culture and you all are fucking annoying

The fact that there's a large, vocal subsect of fandom that openly calls for censorship and has absolutely no concept of media literacy is both unsurprising and frustrating, even more so when those same fans also identify with any type of minority population (PoC, gender/sexual identity, etc.)

Learn to curate your own experiences, FFS.

Signed,

An Elder Fan who is So Very Tired of Purity Bullshit.

Oh hey. I learned a bit of magic at the jewelry store that I’ve forgotten to share, please pass the blessing along.

Have you ever had a knot or tangle in a metal chain? Especially the very fine ones, it can be impossible to work them out with your fingers.

My friends, all you need is a thumbtack. In a pinch, a toothpick, needle, or any fine thin stick will do. I have never been defeated by a knot with a thumbtack in hand.

You stick the pointy end into the trickiest part of the knot and slowly just work it in. The knot loosens around it, and I’ve used this metaphor for acupuncture too because it’s the same principle to me.

But anyway, I’ve untangled chains women brought in that have been stuck multiple hellish kinks and knots for decades. It never fails to astonish them, and honestly it’s fun. Very tricky knots can take longer but it always works.

!!! This has been tangled for nearly a year, and in only half an hour with the tack it’s good as new.

Hell yeah!! Post has reached its target audience!

IT FUCKING WORKED YEAAAAAAAAAAAH THANK YOU SO MUCH

I used the back of a pin : D this had been tangled for two full years, I'm so happy I got it back :, )

Reblog to save a necklace.

Personally I am a fan of a safety pin, has a longer needle part and I almost always have on me. Been using 'em for years to untangle tiny metal chains for myself, family, and friends. :)

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