@spesiria / spesiria.tumblr.com
Back on my Durgetash bullshit. I'm very patiently waiting for patch 8 to come out to do my definitive Dark Urge run. In the meantime I have so many thoughts and little stories about them running through my head. Hopefully I'll find more time soon to write and/or draw some of it.
I actually enjoy the Gortash face that I drew here, so I'm including a close up.
I was looking through all the screenshots I took last night and I just have to talk about this one for a second because it was such an unexpected gut-punch.
(So obviously this is Gale talking at the end of the magic lesson. I used Diguise Self on Gale to make him look like default Durge for the scene.)
But it's so apropos for Gortash and Durge it's ridiculous. Gortash's whole life was objectively terrible—parents didn't want him and sold him to a devil, Raphael kept him a prisoner for his whole childhood while Nubaldin beat the shit out of him whenever he wanted, he escapes Avernus and finds out all the suffering was for nothing because his parents are still poor and shitty people—and he had to claw his way out of like rock bottom to make anything of himself. If you look really close at his character model, he's covered in scars. There's this splatter of scars across his neck and chest that look like burn or acid marks: from Avernus? from a rival gang while he was a Reaper? The guy went through hell, literally and figuratively.
And then he meets this person who just accepts him at face value: the terrible stuff he's done and will continue to do, the terrible stuff that's happened to him, his ambition, his nobody past, his whole everything. Durge is like 100% devoted to Bhaal and being a Bhaalspawn and furthering Bhaal's plan of killing the whole world. And then Durge meets this like nobody guy who came from nothing and really isn't much of anything and suddenly it's "Forgive me father, but..." and Bhaal and the annihilation plan get shunted to the backburner so fast that even crazy Orin notices.
Gortash's parents didn't want him. Raphael didn't want him for anything but to torment him. The patriars and people of Baldur's Gate don't want him because he's a nobody urchin with aspirations way too far above his poor cobblers' son station. But a literal demigod who has no reason to give a shit about him wants him.
And then just like that, this person who finally chose Gortash knowing exactly who and what he is just gets yanked away. He had everything after a lifetime of misery and struggle. And all it took to lose it was the one tiny moment it took Orin to turn on Durge and shove a knife in their head.
So now I'm just imagining that this whole scene was just a dream in the middle of the night. Gortash dreaming he and Durge are doing some random thing—traveling, going to do another heist, whatever—and they're having fun and things are *good* and then like dreams often do, it gets weird at the end and Durge says this to him and he wakes up and he's back in Baldur's Gate, Durge is (insofar as he knows) dead, and he has to go through that awful "wake up and lose the loved one all over again once the realization that they're gone hits" grief again.
I drew @sephiramy's gorgeous Alti for their birthday DTIYS! Be sure to check out the original art here. Alti was so much fun to draw, I love their design.
And the last of the backlog.
Good old Larian really outdid themselves when they accidentally made Gortash/The Dark Urge one of the most canon non-canon ship to ever have existed in fiction.
There are a few ways you can imagine a relationship between two absurdly evil lunatics, but I like to think that it was actually weirdly sweet between them, in contrast to how they were with...everyone else, really.
Miscellaneous drawings:
Sigh...so Arban here was my first actual DnD character that I got to play. Basically the exact character I'd been dreaming of playing since I discovered the concept of DnD: a lawful evil Oath of Conquest paladin. The campaign started back in I think 2020 as a solo campaign, with the DM and me making up Arban's (back)story to fit the world. All the characters in his story were the DM's NPCs, Arban's history and motivations were tied to the plot, later two other people joined the campaign and I had an absolute blast...
Then about ten sessions in the DM got too busy and had to end the campaign. Completely understandable and no hard feelings toward the DM, but it was still a huge disappointment. So yeah, RIP Arban, I don't really know what to do with you anymore. But I enjoyed the time I got to awkwardly roleplay you.
Disco Elysium! I already posted these drawings on tw*tter when I made them a few years ago, but not yet on tumblr, so here you go. Absolutely loved this game and adored Kim and Harry as characters.
I played my Harry with a focus on purple skills, with Empathy as his signature skill. Such a great experience. How often does it happen that you play a middle-aged man in a video game whose greatest strength is his ability to emphasize with others?
It's my birthday! I just changed my age in my bio from 25 to 32, lmao. Time flies.
I've been actually been doing pretty good these past few years. I stopped posting years ago for many reasons, but mostly because of depression. That is pretty much under control now. I have a stable (albeit very boring) job, I moved out into a cozy apartment, I've gotten really into running and ran a half marathon last year!
Unfortunately, my motivation to draw disappeared during my depression and didn't come back when things improved. I'd love to say that I've secretly been drawing a ton and am now sitting on a giant pile of un-posted art, but alas. I didn't draw at all for most of these years. It just didn't spark joy. So instead I took a very extended break.
In 2024 I slowly started to pick up drawing again. Then, a few weeks ago, I was drawing and noticed that I was actually enjoying myself! And that I felt excited to finish work and get back to my art! And that there were a lot of different things I really wanted to draw!
Of course I'm not sure if the enthusiasm will last this time, but for now I'm just happy to be enjoying my hobby again. So. I'm here. And planning on posting new art asap.
In the meantime, I said that I'm not sitting on a giant pile of art, but I did draw a few things in the last few years. The great thing about not drawing a lot is that I can still look at art from 2020 and think "huh, not bad" (that's a pro tip right there: you'll never hate your old art if you just don't improve *taps forehead*). So I'll be posting a few dumps of my old art today!
Everyone who is still here, thanks for sticking around! Here's to a good and inspired 2025 for us all.
Art dump time~
1. The lady in this picture is the lovely Lydia, who belongs to @spookydraws! I still have this ship on the brain from time to time...
2 + 3. Let’s all agree to ignore the fact that I stopped working on both of these when they were 90% done.
4. Obligatory floating faces. The blue eyed lady on the left is supposed to be @ramblingpolkadots‘ Orla, but I don’t think I captured her likeness. I’ll try again at some point!
5. Makanakkuru and Osoma. Golden Kamuy isn’t really my cup of tea (writer...some tone consistency...I beg you.....), but I love these two and would definitely read an entire comic that was just about them being domestic with Tanigaki.
6 + 7. Parts from a Critical Role painting I started after episode 48 (”your people have done this to my people”) but never finished. I still kinda like these faces though.
www.harlowevanished.com
The relaunch is now live!
This has been 9 months of behind-the-scenes work for me, and I am so incredibly thrilled to finally be putting it out there in the public eye! For those of you who have patiently waited for the return, thank you so much, I so deeply appreciate your continued interest. For those of you who are new, welcome, and I hope you enjoy! And for those of you who have helped, in any way, to support this relaunch, I can’t tell you how much it means to me.
And with that, allow me to get this story back to being told. 🌊
help support this comic on Patreon ♥ reblogs always appreciated
Started drawing this a pretty long time ago, don’t hate it yet, decided to finish it.
Tada.
Yabalchoath, from KILL SIX BILLION DEMONS.
SPOILERS AHEAD MOTHERFUCKING SPOILERS AHEAD
HOLY FUCKING FUCK
TURN BACK NOW OTHERWISE BRACE YOURSELF
Ok, Matt has done something amazing as a DM.
He has taken Nott and Caleb, the two members of The Mighty Nein closest to one another, and has put them into a situation where their motivations are at their most opposed possible.
Caleb, who fears his past so much that he would leave the group if spotted or even if there was a chance of being spotted, now comes to the horrible realization that his demons are now directly involved in his best friend’s suffering.
Nott, who cares so much for Caleb, now finds herself in a position to be opposed by Caleb’s fears and his fleeing from his past at every possible turn.
Matt has placed them at odds in the most incredible, believable, and dire way I could have possibly imagined, and it is nothing short of genius what he has done with this new plot hook.
Rather than a Nott arc, we are getting a Nott and Caleb arc that sees them finally opposed to one another.
As Nott said, “Fuck him, these are your people.”
Is it mother fucking Thursday yet?
Happy new year!
Despite the depressing state of 2018’s summary of art (’tis truly the sign of a questionable art year when you have to include two blank spaces and six unfinished pieces, one of which a derpy bear sketch, just to have a summary of art), I’m actually feeling pretty optimistic right now. The last couple of weeks of December have been more productive than almost the entire year before. I’m drawing again! And enjoying it! This is huge, because there was a period this year when I was convinced that I’d lost my creativity and motivation forever and would never draw again.
2018 saw a lot of ups and downs, but in the spirit of my new-found optimism, I’m only going to list the good things that happened, plus some goals for 2019:
