Pick a bottle any bottle lol

I recently read an article about a therapy group for depressed people who had all attempted suicide at some point. The breakthrough question for them was, “If your goal was to be just as miserable as possible, what would you do?” Most of them listed things like not getting enough sleep, or isolating themselves from everyone… the list goes on, but the point is, they listed things they already do. But now they saw those “coping mechanisms” for what they really were: things that were actively making their condition worse.

I read that article at 2:00 AM, asked myself, am I TRYING to be miserable tomorrow? And it was easier than usual to put my phone down and fall asleep. Even my intrusive “lying down” thoughts about meaninglessness and existential dread were easier to suppress when I framed them as things I’d think about to purposefully make myself feel as awful as possible.

Fuck that is helpful

if you feel bad for no reason, that’s scary and frustrating. if you MAKE yourself feel bad, it’s okay, because you’re in control. except if you’re in control, maybe you should try to make yourself feel good, even if that’s scarier because it might not work.

scary and good is, actually, better for you long term than predictably bad.