I reblog stuff

CUNO - "Yo -- Imma stop you right there, fuck-face. It's Cuno-time."

ESPRIT DE CORPS - That's it. The cavalry has arrived.

YOU - "Cuno -- Shush."

CUNO - "No." He does not take the order. "Cuno's going *all in*."

CUNO - "First of all, yo -- those guys were all f****ts. The guys in the armour? F****ts. The Union guys? F****ts. So yeah --" He stares Vicquemare in the eye. "Suck Cuno's dick. You don't *know* me."

CUNO - "You don't *know* what happened here. You don't know this shit. Automatic fucking weapons. Urban battleground shit. Battle lines drawn in *blood*. Blood Meridian. You don't *know* this shit."

CUNO - "Now -- Cuno wasn't there. Right -- you getting this? Cuno was breaking it up with Cuno's main bitch C. Parting-of-the-ways shit. But when Cuno got there -- pig had fucking *cleaned up*. Blood and ruin."

CUNO - "Smoked all those dinky fuckers. Saved this shit -- Martinaise shit. I see he's mournin' and shit.... His main pig got semi-wasted. Sent to the boo-boo-mobile -- Cuno steps up. Cuno fucking FILLS those shoes. Big boy shoes -- Detective Cuno."

CUNO - He comes to a sudden, abrupt stop.

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "Are you done?"

CUNO - "Yo, Cuno feels like you weren't really *listening* to Cuno." He drills his left temple with his index finger. "You were hearin' -- but you weren't listenin'. F***y f*g and the armour boys came to Martinaise to fuck shit up."

CUNO - "Hardie *boys* or whatever the fuck they are -- they were tellin' everyone and their mom how they wasted one of those armour fucks. It was *always* gonna go down like that. My pig stepped up -- got fucked in the leg for it. Sacrifice style."

JEAN VICQUEMARE - "Yes. I understand. He was in the fight."

CUNO - "Second -- you dinky fucking asshole. This pig right here," he points to you, "this oink-oink motherfucker *solved* that shit. On Death Island. Case solved. Go home, or fuck off."

This one is for you Tim.

If I were a security guard for a person who’s being targeted by assassins I simply wouldn’t devote my entire attention span to every single noise I hear.

Why do I care if there’s a random noise in this out-of-the-way dark corner? My post is right here.

But… but I threw a rock there. Y-you gotta check

If I hear a noise I’m gonna throw a flash grenade in that direction.

MY EYES AND EARS

“Got a neutralized assassin in gate 17.”

“Did they try distracting you by throwing a rock?”

“Yeah, they did.”

“Fucking idiot.”

4 years of community assassin college for nothing

You know what really makes this post? The fact that the assassin’s blog is deactivated. Seems OPs flashbang worked.

What have I done?!

runs into a cave and breaks my ankle but theres already another guy with a broken ankle inthere so its really awkward

everyone saying "kiss him" or a variation of that sort you dont understand the atmosphere you dont see my vision you dont get the joke and i can tell you probably have no appriciation for poetry or art

this one is really good though

Me while writing: oh hell yes this is such a good sentence I'm the master of poetic imagery

The writing when I go back to edit:

The Steven Universe fandom might be “cringe” and “bad” but imagine a fandom so bad that a bunch of fandom members had ran a scheme to say “if you pay us money, your blorbo will know you’re valid” and the fandom permanently split over a 95 paragraph callout post of these people.

I cant do the story justice myself. Google “The Protestant Reformation” for more details, I hear a few people have done deep dives

took a depression nap and all i remember from my nap dreams is a nonsensical t-shirt design that left me feeling dazed and confused after i woke up.

are we not feeling very pious today, brother lionel

No, actually, I don't think my indoor cat would be happier if he could free-roam. For one thing, the feather-toys inside have never died on him mid-playtime, and I feel like that might be a disappointment

As though predetermined by fate I awoke this morning to Ollie standing on top of my chest, fur slightly-damp, and when I went downstairs to investigate whatever shenanigans he had somehow gotten into I found that the back door had somehow blown open in the night.

He has never had unsupervised access to the outdoors before but it appears he stepped outside, found it to be raining slightly, and decided "fuck this shit, I'm getting Dad"

I love my fragile son

on ao3 like some of these doves aren't even wounded

#people used to be freaks #we used to be a country (@spikeface)

my (very white, very middle european, very protestant christian, very sixty-year old) father just dropped an inshallah in casual conversation. without precedent or without any acknowledgement. "inshallah they will send us a new internet router" he said. didn't even stutter. what did he mean by this.

the authors not dead but i am inviting him down into my wine cellar

am authors but cellar dead down him i into inviting my not the wine

Watching the mummy 1999 for shits and giggles, thought it'd be fun to bitch abt the inaccurate hieroglyphs now that I know smth abt all that. Disappointed and disgusted to find out that they hired an egyptologist consultant and the hieroglyphs are actually well done. Night ruined

has anyone figured out how to be a real person yet

just me. and i'm NOT telling

what the fuck. come on

Wanted to draw a monster and settled on the Rabbit of Caerbannog from Monty Python

this is what it feels like to accomplish tasks on your period

Reblog because I laughed at the above comment for a solid 10 minutes