i tell lies on the internet

bro we have to shotgun the weed. its not gay its just financially smart to do it. we get twice the value out of weed. come on just kiss me

are you guys gonna wrap it up with the dog motif anytime soon

literally man's best friend but whatever. i guess you do sexual roleplay as some kind of tender-leaved houseplant?

you know full well that my sexual roleplays are geological in nature

they are puppy dogs

yeah ive got experience in handling international relations. ive got mutuals from all over the world and they even reblog posts from me

asked my students if they wanted to share stories about what they did over spring break and this kid goes "you know the field behind costco?" and we all nod and he says "I got lost in the field behind costco."

*watching the United States economy bleed out in front of me, with awful and unknowable consequences for anyone who isn’t insulated by wealth* well, time to go to work!

no weapon forged against me has ever been cool or well made

this fibonacci joke is as bad as the last two you heard combined

Dont let the pothole know you are afraid. floor it

wjere do you live? 1 kill yourself avenue?

Stop eating hoagies with the bogeys and start eating baguettes with the faggots

she is very orange

Generally I think straight men should not say faggot but this trea turner (baseball player) tweet is so fucking funny that it’s allowed I think