june

Thought daughters after finding out their thoughts do shape reality:

nothing is too big. if it exists in imagination, it exists in potential

Fuck school im shifting

. . . to a school

　　　we were always going home ,

yes, i have shifted, more than ten times, if you’re the sort who counts miracles like matchsticks or notches on a headboard. i am not. i do not tally my miracles like debts to be repaid. they arrive not as triumphs, but as returns. familiar. like a song i almost forgot i knew until i was humming it again, accidentally, under the breath of my dreaming.

i do not care if you believe me. i say that without spite. belief was never a prerequisite for truth. you do not have to clap for the moon to rise, nor bow to the ocean to be pulled under. reality does not ask for applause. it simply is.

i shifted after four years. four years of thinking maybe i was broken in some exquisite, cosmic way, cracked just wide enough to want, never wide enough to have. four years of collecting every method like seashells, pressing each one to my ear and listening for home. sometimes i heard static. sometimes i heard blood. sometimes i heard nothing at all. 

there were nights i didn't think i'd live to see morning. i say that with the softest voice possible, not for pity, but because it's true. i don't mean metaphorical dark nights of the soul, i mean the real ones. the kind where your body's still, but your mind is clawing at the walls, begging for a window. the kind where shifting wasn't some spiritual hobby or escapist whim, but a lifeline. a rope thrown into the pit.

i don't know who i would've been if i hadn't believed. not the glowing kind of belief. not the pretty kind. but the cracked, ugly kind. the kind that crawls. the kind that gasps, "please, just let me wake up somewhere else."

so when i say i shifted, i don't say it lightly. it wasn't a party trick. it was a resurrection.

quiet. not cinematic. not some thunderclap of fate. it was a shift like how morning happens, slowly, and then all at once. i remember going to sleep in my room, wrapped in some terrible hoodie, the air stale with the smell of forgetting. and then, like a breath i didn't know i'd been holding: i am there. not will be. not want to be. not maybe one day. i am. right now. here. and there.

it didn't feel like magic. it felt like choosing god, even if you don't know who god is. like giving yourself permission to walk on water not because it's easy, but because the alternative is drowning.

the assumption wasn't loud. it was a hum. a bassline beneath everything. and the moment i tuned into it, the world bent. not to serve me, but to meet me. like it was always trying to.

this is how i got there: i assumed i was there. i used the law.

i wish i had something more elegant to offer. a potion. a spell. a hundred-counted ritual. i don't. i have only assumption. not the performance of it, but the private, unwavering kind. the kind that does not blink. the kind that plants a flag in the dirt and says, "this is mine, because i said so."

i said i was there. so i was. not overnight. not in a blaze of light. it happened like a thread slipping through the eye of a needle, one slow stitch at a time. i told the air around me that my dr was real. i told the silence. i told the toothbrush in my hand, the toothpaste cap i dropped on the floor, the moth blinking against the bathroom light.

i didn't have to fight for it anymore. i didn't have to prove myself worthy. desire is not a courtroom, and the universe is not a jury. i stopped begging. i started being. and slowly, the scaffolding of this reality dissolved.

this wasn't faith. faith is something you carry with trembling hands. this was certainty. this was sitting still long enough for the river to realise it already knew your name. this was recognising that shifting was not a door you unlock with the right key, but a room you have already lived in. the furniture remembers your weight. the walls still echo your voice.

i shifted because i remembered.

and i kept remembering. even when it felt stupid. even when it hurt. even when the forum girls sighed and the scripting girls cried and the cynics said i was lost in a fantasy. maybe i was. but so is everyone. some people just settle for worse ones.

this is what i know: you can get there too. you are not cursed. you are not exempt. the moment you stop performing belief and start inhabiting it, like a house, like a skin, like an inheritance, you will see.

it is not far. it is next. it is with. it is just beyond the veil of doubt, waiting to be spoken aloud like a name that's always been yours.

you do not have to be special. you do not have to be chosen. you do not need a voice in the sky or a star to fall at your feet. you only need to decide. quietly. daily. like it's brushing your teeth. like it's feeding the dog. like it's the most ordinary miracle in the world.

let it be that simple. let it be that unremarkable. you were never meant to earn it. only to remember it. only to open your hands and realise they've been holding the key the whole time.

assume. not with fear, but with fondness. not with hunger, but with homecoming.

and if you don't believe yet, pretend. not out of desperation, but out of reverence. act like you are there not because it will trick the world, but because it will tune you to it. reality doesn't respond to panic. it responds to presence.

so say the toothbrush is yours. say the air smells different. say the cereal tastes sweeter. say the light is warmer. say your name with a little more certainty. you don't need proof. you are the proof.

and do not ask yourself how again. ask when. ask what now. ask am i ready to walk through the door i've been holding shut with both hands all this time?

because the door is open. the light is on. your seat is warm. your name is carved in the table.

come back.

Manifestation is always instantaneous

I’ve been learning about manifestation and LOA for about 8 months now. It has finally clicked for me what instant manifestation is, after all this time. I don’t feel like a lot of people clearly explain it…and I’m someone who sometimes needs things explained to me like I’m a 5-year-old lol. So, I’m gonna break it down for you as clearly as I can, in case you’ve had a hard time understanding it, too.

The word instant is usually defined as something happening right now; immediately; in this present moment. So, when we’re told “you can manifest [this thing] instantly,” we might expect the thing to happen or appear immediately. I know, for me, this is how I’ve wavered because I’m like, “hey, where’s it at?” when it doesn’t show up quickly or I feel as if I’m waiting. And, I’m sure that you’ve experienced this feeling, too.

But, it’s not the thing that appears or happens instantly, it’s the bridge of events that happens instantly. After you affirm, reality immediately starts moving you towards the thing you want. You’re put onto that bridge instantly. Everything that needs to happen in order to get you to what you’re manifesting is already starting to happen. Sometimes it’ll be one small thing - the tiniest blip - that’ll get you there, sometimes it’ll be multiple things happening and people involved that’ll get you there.

So, this is why you can’t worry about the how and view it as “waiting.” There are so many different ways that your thing can happen. Thinking of how it will or questioning how it’s possible is what can make you feel doubtful. Affirming that you have what you want puts you on that bridge instantly. It’s already happening; you aren’t waiting. It’s already yours - you’re just being lead to it.

The analogy of manifesting being like ordering food at a restaurant can be used to understand how it works instantly. You’re telling the waitress (putting it out there) that you want a certain meal (the thing you’re manifesting). The waitress now knows and she’s in the process of writing it down, then giving the kitchen staff the information, and then the whole restaurant staff does whatever it is they need to do to make your meal and get it to you ASAP. This is how manifesting works and why it’s instant.

Also keep in the title “waitress/waiter” in mind - they’re waiting on you. It’s their job. They aren’t trying to make you wait - in fact, they don’t want to hear you complain lol. They’re waiting on you to tell them what you want and then making sure it gets to you. This is the same as your desired reality (the one where you have what you want) waiting on you to affirm for it, not listening to you say, “hey, why aren’t you here? I don’t believe that you’re mine and that I have what I want.”

Can you imagine going to a restaurant and as the waitress is writing down what you ordered, you go, “hey, where’s it at?” and start looking around the restaurant for your food. Or you say, “I don’t think you’ll give me my food. That’s not possible.” No? Because that’s crazy. People don’t do that. This is why you affirm and don’t ask where it’s at and go searching for it. You trust that it’s already yours and is coming to you because guess what? It’s guaranteed you’ll get it since you asked for it. Your meal (your manifestation) is already in the works; it’s your order that you put through. You don’t have to worry about anything else. Just enjoy life in the present moment as your thing gets to you. The less you focus on the time and more you reassure yourself that it’s yours, instead of worrying, the quicker it’ll show up or show up when you least expect it to.

The only time your manifestation won’t show up is if you change what you’re manifesting. Let’s say you originally ordered chicken fingers but then you pull the waitress aside and tell her you want steak instead. Then you’re simply getting the other thing you asked for instead of what you originally ordered.

The only time your manifestation will be delayed is if you keep focusing on how long it’s taking or don’t trust that you’ll get it. If you’re at a restaurant and keep nervously focusing on the time, it’ll feel like you’re waiting and like it’s taking a long time for your food to arrive. Or, if you keep saying to the waitress that you don’t trust that you’ll get the food, you’ll just stress her and the rest of the kitchen staff out which won’t help speed up the process of the food being prepared (the bridge of events happening to get you to your manifestation), it’ll just slow it down.

i said what i said, and then it happened (unfortunately 4 everyone)

cards on the table . . this isn’t a secret. it’s barely even information. it’s just that no one wants to say it plainly because then what would we sell? law of assumption, attraction, annotation, adoration, alliteration, whatever poster child the wellness-to-woo pipeline’s feeding you, is, at its core, confidence + assumption + commitment to the bit until reality bends in obedience . . aka success.

i might as well just say : you are god. put that on your cv, if you wish. assume the feeling of the wish fulfilled. occupy the state. don’t wait . . . be. 　

confidence = i am her. full stop. not becoming. already am. the main character, the casting agent, the guy editing the trailer, the theatre audience in tears, the whatever.

assumption = no questions. no conditions. you’re not waiting on a greenlight from the universe. you’re the studio exec. it’s your production. the role’s been cast. it’s you. you win. ta-da, congratulations.

success = the plot simply has to follow suit. reality is the intern, your assumption is the highest executive order.

think of it like this : you’re putting on a coat. not a dream coat. not a someday coat. the coat of already-having, in a colour called “i said what i said.” i'm not telling you to hope. i'm telling you to live like you already got the call from your agent and you’re in the lead role of your own fantasy.　

and when you do that, really do that, everything else rearranges itself like stage props moving behind the curtain. why? because consciousness is the only reality, and the assumptions are dictating the script.

　　law of assumption is basically just . .

Damson Idris