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To be loved and to be in love.

@sunsmile-lou / sunsmile-lou.tumblr.com

🌹 | Elle | she / her | minor | Dutch | let's never think again | Mine | 🌹

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From the beginning to the end. You've always been here right beside me. So, I'll call you my best friend. Through the good times and the bad ones. Whether I lose or if I win. I know one thing that never changes, and that's you as my best friend.

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It was like a veil hanging before my inner consciousness was suddenly lifted and I was Elizabeth Bennet dancing with Mr. Darcy. Every time our hands touched, it was…I think he felt it too. But his eyes were…his eyes! That's what Ruby observed when I was telling him about the Take Notice Board. When we danced, he was gazing at me like… AMYBETH MCNULTY AND LUCAS JADEMANN AS ANNE SHIRLEY-CUTHBERT AND GILBERT BLYTHE ANNE WITH AN E (2017-2019)

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“I think part of the reason why we hold on to something so tightly is because we fear something as great won’t happen twice.”

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I just read back some of the texts with y'all I miss talking to you peeps :(((

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how vulnerable a muse can be, can't he? always waiting to be understood and seen. waiting for the right artist to paint him in just the right way. i loved you, all my arguments started and ended with this. but darling, was it really necessary to paint me in colours so dark? you were an artist in your own right but does the muse stop having a say in what happens to the portrait once the painter begins?

so did you burn the portraits of our love down or bury them in the graves of our memories? for your new lover, do you change the colour palettes now or are they the same? is the paint splattered on your clothes the same way as it would be for us? i pushed my luck and got what i could from you, thats what a muse should do shouldn't he? be your good little girl, mould myself the way you wished, read your mind and sat for hours just for you to tear down pages after pages. does she do the same for you? are you making her sit through your hit and misses? does she have to guess who she will have to turn herself into to gain your attention tonight, beloved? or do you sometimes feel an absence when she cant quiet understand what colours you wish to spill tonight? does she swallow the pill by telling herself she loves you? or was it just me brave enough, between us, to say it?

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i want to be loved like the women i read about. like i’m the person they would do anything for. the person they look for in everyone else and everywhere they go because they can’t get her out of their heads. the person their entire being burns for. the person they are patient with, even when she’s rambling, being emotional or sick. the person they go out of their way for, over and over again, because it’s her. the person they love. the person they… love and keep loving.

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The boyband of my time was One Direction. They just have fun, they were just normal guys but terrible, terrible dancers.

Random pieces of advice

  1. The world is less scary and chaotic if you lie down on the floor
  2. Noticing different kinds of light (stars, candles, sunshine or city lights) can bring back the feeling of wonder and hope
  3. If you can’t shower, washing your hands and face will help you feel better and cleaner
  4. If you can’t clean anything else, changing and/or washing your bedsheets can do wonders
  5. Fresh air and being outside in general can help with depersonalisation
  6. Spending time around animals can help you recognise what’s important and calm anxious thought cycles
  7. Techniques for emotional regulation in children can really help adults too
  8. Putting random asortment of food on a plate without creating an actual dish still counts as a meal
  9. Drink something warm
  10. Delete that app
  11. Treat yourself as if you were a kid. Buy yourself a toy, play around, learn about cool new things
  12. Fast paced life isn’t morally better and it’s not good for everyone
  13. There is no good reason to keep yourself hungry
  14. Singing to your full lung capacity can be a great way to let out built up emotion
  15. Tension in the face can cause headaches. Try to massage your face regularly
  16. Nothing is as important as your health
  17. You are a whole person on your own, you don’t need someone else to be there to deserve love and attention. Your life can be full as long as you are present
  18. You should cry things out whenever you feel like it
  19. Slow walks are still movement and they do count
  20. It’s never as bad as you imagine it
  21. Try changing your toothpaste flavor if you hate brushing your teeth
  22. Anything can be a stim toy - one of my favourites is a heavy dragon necklace that has a complicated surfice. It’s fun to touch and hold and it’s not even “actual” stim toy
  23. Procrastinating and feeling bad about it is true waste of time. Learn to truly rest. It takes the same amount of time but it is useful
  24. Sometimes you have to force yourself to do the things that make you feel better
  25. Don’t trust the thoughts you have after not sleeping for a while
  26. Friendships don’t have to be forever to mean something
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